Rumple-Idiot Worship

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh Ethyl Elise
==============
Ethyl Elise,she jumped with surprise;
the surprise was so quick,it played
her a trick!
The trick was so rare,
she fell off her chair!
The chair was so frail
because it turned into a snail
The snail was so wet,
she got wet!
The snail was so small,
she decided to roll into a ball
She was so round,
she rolled along the ground,
and evr since then
she's been rolling around

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Ghostly Snail Mail
======================
There once was a ghost
that went to post
itself through the mail
but it got spotted
by a snail
which left a trail
of snot all over it
because the ghost
was trying to pretend
to be the mail!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh Good golly!I'm up to Seven!On the Good Ship Lollypop.....on the Good Ship Lollypop............!Is that Tiny Tim or Shirley Temple singing from the Heavens.
Seven.......yeh!I'm off to Heaven!Where's the 7 Eleven!Just joking!God!It's amazing how history fell into this pattern.....& after all this evolution......humanity....has come to the conclusion of 7 Eleven!Taste Bud Mania....eat ya heart out!I'm gonna get a Pollywaffle so i can scoff it down the hatch quicker than hen can hatch an egg that's almost hatched!What?I'm not writing this am i?I think this keyboard is writing on it's own!I'm not even touching the thing!Gorblimey!This is queer!It's completely Kooky!Hey check this out will ya...................!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Doctor Foster
=============
Doctor Foster went to Piddlepool
in a shower of rain.
He stepped in some piddle
which went up to his middle
& so he never went
there again!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

A Man In The Funny Farm Who Asked Me A Funny Question?
============================================
A man in the funny farm
asked me,"How many gherkins grow in the sea?"
I answered him,as i thought good,
"As many as green goblins that hide in the woods!"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Come Out Of Your Hole You Snail!
================================
Snail,snail,
come out of your hole
or else you
will turn to coal!
Snail,snail,
pull out your horns
& i'll give you old bread
& uncooked popcorn!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The Smiling World Of Turtles
============================
Have you ever noticed how turtles are always smiling.It's interesting.....that they carry a smile with them wherever they go.Their facial phrenology could perhaps be an upward frown!Just joking?Who knows whether turtles are really happy or sad?How can a psychiatrist analyse the mood of a turtle!Come on you arthritic armchair critic....work out this one!Tell your anal lies!Oh crikey!The turtle's coming out!
Turtles look happy....even when they're probably really fucked off!Crikey!That would be a bit of a drag......that you couldn't physically frown.I guess they have no lip muscles.Crikey!Maybe they took too much ecstasy.....in the Time Warp of life....& evolved out of.....an out-of-control-Time-Machine!"Hello!I'm a Turtle am I'm Fuckin' Happy!I'm going through life with a permanent smile!I feel Fuckin'Great!Just look at me for Fuck's sake!I'm a Turtle as happy as can be!Happy,Happy,Happy!I'm happy go lucky!"

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-26-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-26-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

What Am I?
==========
Tra-laa-la
Tra-la-lee
Diddley-da
Diddley-dee
la-de-da
la-de-de
Giggly wiggly
fiddly twiggles
i'm a ninny
i'm a thingy?
What am I?
I have little thimbles
& many goosepimples
My teeth are green
& my nose is purple
My legs are striped
red & green
& my hat
goes with my pipe!
What am I?
I'm spotted
i'm goosey
i'm tiny
& my voice is high?
What am I?
I skippity-skip
to & fro
away with the days
singing"Um diddle dum",
"Um diddle dum!"
I know what i am?
I'm a flippin'
cute
little fruit-loop
that's what i am!
Toodleloo
Mr Magoo!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh God!They play the worst music on Earth sometimes at these internet cafe's!It surprising what sells in this World!For Fuck's sake there's alot of Bad TAste out there!Just have a look in any Opshop(second-hand shop...or first-hand shop)!It's amazing people can make a living from this!I mean one line lyric song's for Fuck's sake!People laugh at the 60's....but at least the songs...even if they...were a bit hippy dippy at times....had more content this the souless shit my ears just can't help hearing!They should totally ban this music!I'm sure it would do humanity a favour!It just goes to show that the music industry is rigged!Gorblimey!Everything is rigged!There's definately people out there with more dollars than sense!Oh well that's not my problem!Each to their own!
Gorblimey!I sometimes think that the Renaissance of the 60's would of been a funny
time to do some jesting & gooose about with all those psychedelic bands!Imagine doing a funny little run around to warm up Jimi Hendrix....before he cut loose!
Also all those Flower Power bands.....would of been a bit of a laugh....to totally pansy out like a silly sissy wearing a totally paisley joker's outfit!"Throw Them Flowers Man!"
I know"Let's all try & do the 60's again!"
Just joking?
"Ok!What about the 80's?"
I'll be right!Gee the 80's suck!
I guess i'm here & now
for a reason?
Who knows if the times are right?
What is the right time?
How can time always be right?
Maybe the times are completely out of time?
The time is now!
I'm living in the old ages
while trying to keep up with the new ages!
There's no time like now!
Mooo you cow!
I'm a medieval cow!
Moooooooooooooooooooo!
Crikey!I'm a 14th century pixie
trying to do the Renaissance 60's thing!
I'm a dying art
hanging onto a mouldy fart
but the show must go on
even if i have to get off!
I'm getting off
on this.....
because the only way off
is on...
& i'm going to go on & on & on & on & on & on
& on....until the end of eternity + 1 day....& then i'll even keep going & going until i finally don't stop going!The Show Must Go On!Crikey!There's no way out of the Show!Oh No!I have to go but the show won't!What the heck!The Show must Go!P.S.Crikey!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Fair dinkum mate...........I have to go to the dunny.....but maybe i'll have to wait til the flippin' toilets are open......or else i'll never go to the friggin' toilet!
Gorblimey!These urbanised places make ya almost feel like a friggin' monkey when ya just want a have a piddle by a post!
It's fun more less tense....just having a piddle in the bush on ya own!Anyway i have to hit the frog & toad......before i miss the toilet!Shit!I better hurry!I'm off a.s.a.p!Cheeers!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh!I forgot the one about....2 little pumpkins.....that got caught by a scrawny......wretched bumpkin.....wearing purple & green tartan overalls.....with humungous buck teeth & the Buck Rodgers tattoo on his head!Anyway here goes.............................................. ..ZZZzzzzzzz
ZZZzZZzZzZzZzz......................ZzzZZzZzZzZZ
zzzz.........................ZzzZzZzzZzzZzzZZzz... ......
.......... ..............ZzzZzZzzZzz......................... &
then i slithered out of the daydream & woke up with my face in a bowl of rhubarb porridge!
What the heck is happening?I have to go.................as there is a Emu.....that looks like a monster in a tutu....staring at me......with one eye!Ooops!Sorry!I just woke up again!I'm up!I'm Up!I don't know whether i'm awake or if i'm asleep?I can't tell the difference!Help!
Am i in a dream awake or am i in awake in a dream?
Anyway i'm now gonna play my organ which is full of different animal wind-pipes!Cheeers ya GOoOse!
P.S+P.S.Etc?

[This message has been edited by Jim (edited 12-26-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was almost going to go to the toilet......but now i don't have to go so bad!Anyway where was i?Oh!Here i am!"Hello & G'day!"
The Stunty Dunce
================
There once was a dunce
who would would do the best stunts
day in
day out
One day
he thought"Okay!"
That's all he thought...
"Okay!"
He would jump over
piles of
rotten hand-made
frisbees
until oneday
he jumped over himself
which me made as an elf.
What a dunce
What the heck!
He thought"Ya only live once!"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Goody Goody!I'm coming up to 2 tutu's!I wouldn't mind becoming a ballerina one of these days?I actually did a 10 week ballerina course when i was about 17.It was a class to show you can be done in 4 years over ten weeks.Everyone there had a bit of experience except me!I'm rocked up....wearing daggy clothes & all the girl's were wearing tutu's & ballet shoes!I was also the only boy in the whole class.Ontop of that the teacher was Chinese & the ballet terminology was in French.
All the girl's would laugh at me all the time....as i would get all the moves muddled up....& couldn't ever get in step properly.Once we were all holding onto the rail next to the mirror...& we had to kick our outside leg up in the air.....as a technique.After a few swings......some girl from behind absent mindedly kicked me right in the funny bone(not that one)!It gave me the most full on tingles....that i went"Arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
All the girl's went nuts laughing!
Crikey!I still can't remember bugger aLL moves though!I'm off like a silly sissy pansy......ready to dance like an oddball gooOse that off his flute!I'm Peter Pan The Piccolo Man!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I'm going to read you a Chinese poem written in Braille upside down & back-to-front while standing on my head...with one eye blind-folded....& then turn the page around anti-clockwise.....all at the same time
& then translate it in Lithuanian with a forked tongue!Then i really be speaking in tongues!
I once got picked up hitch-hiking in Tasmania.....a few hours after i arrived at the port!I was such a gooose that when i got off the boat...i thought i was in Hobart!Little did i know i was up the other end....in Devonport!I got a lift with a priest.....who said he would only give me a lift if i would go to a mass where he was the sermon....which was later that night!I took it up as i was there for ages trying to get out of there!In mass i kept nodding off......but i do remember all these people speaking all the different mumbling rhubarb languages which made no sense to my ears!
After mass.....i was given a lift straight to Hobart!God!The World's weird?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

God!I don't think i'll make it to file 8 before 8 here where i am.I'm Up Over now....even though i'm sometimes from Down Under!Upstairs!Downstairs!Where are you?Right Over?Left Over?I'm going to get into every nook & cranny in this Whole Wide World!Every back-pocket......& get every inch of foot-space there is on the Land.I'll also breathe in all the air of the World & hear all the noises there are & taste everything there is!Yes!I'm gonna experience the spectrum of everything!Oh God!What's God?We're all God aren't we?How can we all know?I guess we can only go on human perception!How can we believe what us humans say?The fantasy of mankind(&womankind.....should say humankind)coming from human mind's?The fantasy of what this Planet is contained of?I'm going to consult an alien!
There are Parallel Universe's you know out there!I'm gonna check it out by crikey!There are no doors to perception.....where i'm about to go!Only space!That's what i need!What we all need!A bit of Space!I'm off....just have to adjust my antennae's & Tune Into The Universe!