Rumple-Idiot Worship

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Yes.....it's Mr Puniverse here again by golly ol gosh....by jingo jango jingles....oopsy whoopsy!Oh crikey!Mr Higgledy-Piggledy here on a scrampled eggs mission to dot the dots....dot-to-dot.....alot of dots to dot to dot!Oh gosh!I've lost the plot!I can't find the dot to stop the plot....the fool stop!I'm a fool who won't stop!Maybe i should start & stop at the same time & stand still very fast on the spot.....& see what happens!I'm in neutral overdrive!
Gorblimey!Year's back...well not so many.....i thought i'd go to Bosnia.....so i got a visa....which took a bit....& a few days later i was in Sarajevo.When i got there...again i had no map...& it was getting close to night....& i thought"what am a going to do!"I checked the town out for a bit & eventually even managed to find a room......which ended up costing 42 German Marks!The room was in some old lady's house.....which a room finding place found for me.After checking in......i spent quite some time in town wandering about....& after being knackered,had to sit down...for a bit.Some chap.....sat next to me....& sparked off a conversation.....& after a while said he was a Muslim Serb.He then invited me for dinner at a cafe....& paid for it....even though i said i would.He was genuinely friendly....& we parted after dinner...& an interesting conversation.It was quite late by then....& i wasn't really paying attention to the time.I thought i'd better get back to my room...so i ventured back.....in the direction.....i thought it was in.....& after some time.....i still couldn't find it!"Oh No!Where is it i thought!"It was freezing cold & i was now starting to walk round & round backwards & forwards all over the back-streets of Sarajevo looking for my room.I even came across a pack of wild stray dogs......when i made a wrong turn.They barked at me(The weazle)& i thought they were going to have me......so i quickly went somewhere else.I thought"For crying out loud.....I'm a real Fuckin' GooOsE!Where am i?"Geees it was freezing & almost felt like i was on Antarctica!After many wrong turns i finally made a right turn & by sheer utter fluke i found the right door....even after trying many wrong doors!I couldn't beleive......that i found it....because i just couldn't remember where my room was....& didn't pay attention when i left my room in the first place!Gorblimey!I did get some sleep.....after a few hours of freaky surrealism!I'm off like a kangaroo with a few screws loose!Oops!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

The weirdest thing i ever saw on the street was.............well late one night after a party in Newtown(Sydney)......i was walking down some little back street in Enmore & i saw some strange outline of a weird shape....in the dark near the gutter.I steered my eyes closer & closer....until i almost hit the thing with my nose.....& then all of a sudden i realised it was a purple sting-ray!How did the Universe come to place it there?Gorblimey!The Unidentified Flying Object from out of the sea!

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Ooops it's me again!G'day!

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Rumpelstiltskin

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!I'm back off track!Hello!A few years ago.....i managed to score....a lift in the direction of the Linz Pflasterspectakle in Austria with another fellow performer which was a bit of a fluke....as of coincidently rhyming with the timing.I got a lift from Amsterdam.....in Nick Fish's motorhome.Also Sam(gosh....probably got the name wrong....as i'm good at remembering names)the brass statue girl from Melbourne was with us.After hours & hours we decided to pull into a German rastatt(petrol station roadhouse)to open a tin of tomatoes some how....& also perhaps to go to the toilet?I did go to the toilets.....to brush my teeth.....& when i came out....i went to hop back in the motorhome.....but i couldn't find it!I looked all around the huge carpark....for 10 minutes but still couln't find it!!10 minutes turned to 30 minutes & i still couldn't find it....& then i really knew....i didn't know what to do?It was freezing cold & all i was armed with was a toothbrush....while wearing a t-shirt & shorts.I did have a few spare German coins....but bugger all!I thought"Oh no!What am i going to do?Here i am in Limbo Land....in the middle of nowhere.....of a vast network of autobahns....criss-crossing all over the place!Gorblimey!They're off to the festival & i'm stuck at the rastatt from Hell with no-where to go!What am i to do...with no passport....or anything?I'm going to have to hitch to the boarder of Austria & smuggle myslef in to get to the festival!".I went inside the roadhouse(rastatt)& tried to explain the whole scenario to a pack of German truck-drivers....but none of them could make head or tail what i was on about because....we just couldn't understand each other!I was lost & the vibe was weird....but at least some lady at the cafe.....kindly gave me a bowl of chips on the house without me asking!I just sat around for 2 hours....asking people if they were going in the direction i wanted to get to....but still no luck.Then came a couple who had some coffee & they said they could give me a lift to Munich....which was a long way....& still a long way off Linz!I thought i'd better take it....& was on the verge of leaving....waiting for their last sips....& then all of a sudden Nick popped out of the blue....& i thought"Am i seeing right?"For crying out loud i was lucky.Nick said he got caught in a huge traffic jam & took more than a couple of hours to get out & turn back to where i was.It was a bit of a fluke he managed to find the right rastatt!I was happy....he was happy & we just thought it was all funny.Nick thought i was asleep in the back while he took off....but it was my rolled out sleeping bag.Crikey!Don't leave home or your motorhome without a can opener!We eventually made it to Linz....but unfortunately Nick got nicked on the way there.Anyway cheeers & all the best!Crumblestiltskinny The Sparroweazle Pixie Funster!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!I'm back off track!Hello!A few years ago.....i managed to score....a lift in the direction of the Linz Pflasterspectakle in Austria with another fellow performer which was a bit of a fluke....as of coincidently rhyming with the timing.I got a lift from Amsterdam.....in Nick Fish's motorhome.Also Sam(gosh....probably got the name wrong....as i'm good at remembering names)the brass statue girl from Melbourne was with us.After hours & hours we decided to pull into a German rastatt(petrol station roadhouse)to open a tin of tomatoes some how....& also perhaps to go to the toilet?I did go to the toilets.....to brush my teeth.....& when i came out....i went to hop back in the motorhome.....but i couldn't find it!I looked all around the huge carpark....for 10 minutes but still couln't find it!!10 minutes turned to 30 minutes & i still couldn't find it....& then i really knew....i didn't know what to do?It was freezing cold & all i was armed with was a toothbrush....while wearing a t-shirt & shorts.I did have a few spare German coins....but bugger all!I thought"Oh no!What am i going to do?Here i am in Limbo Land....in the middle of nowhere.....of a vast network of autobahns....criss-crossing all over the place!Gorblimey!They're off to the festival & i'm stuck at the rastatt from Hell with no-where to go!What am i to do...with no passport....or anything?I'm going to have to hitch to the boarder of Austria & smuggle myslef in to get to the festival!".I went inside the roadhouse(rastatt)& tried to explain the whole scenario to a pack of German truck-drivers....but none of them could make head or tail what i was on about because....we just couldn't understand each other!I was lost & the vibe was weird....but at least some lady at the cafe.....kindly gave me a bowl of chips on the house without me asking!I just sat around for 2 hours....asking people if they were going in the direction i wanted to get to....but still no luck.Then came a couple who had some coffee & they said they could give me a lift to Munich....which was a long way....& still a long way off Linz!I thought i'd better take it....& was on the verge of leaving....waiting for their last sips....& then all of a sudden Nick popped out of the blue....& i thought"Am i seeing right?"For crying out loud i was lucky.Nick said he got caught in a huge traffic jam & took more than a couple of hours to get out & turn back to where i was.It was a bit of a fluke he managed to find the right rastatt!I was happy....he was happy & we just thought it was all funny.Nick thought i was asleep in the back while he took off....but it was my rolled out sleeping bag.Crikey!Don't leave home or your motorhome without a can opener!We eventually made it to Linz....but unfortunately Nick got nicked on the way there.Anyway cheeers & all the best!Crumblestiltskinny The Sparroweazle Pixie Funster!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oops!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Whoops!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh gosh!Once upon a time.....many many years ago when i was staying at my grandmother's house in Adelaide....a Yugoslavian friend & i went out to play some Space Invaders!We were only about 7 or 8 & we went to some tourist hotel games room to play the Space Invaders machine.After quite some time...clocking up a high score....we were happy...but then crashed out suddenly & we shook the table!Surprisingly all the coins fell out of the game...as the draw popped open.We put all the coins in a plastic bag....which was ever so heavy & i went back to my grandmother's house!She was ever so curious...wondering....what i had in the bag....as it looked a bit too heavy for a weasle like me to carry.She said"Let me have a look!"I said"No!"This went on for a while unitl she grabbed the bag off me & spread it all out on the table!Gorblimey!Coins galore!Must have been about $150!She said "how on Earth did you get all that!"I said"Collecting bottles"She wasn't so amused & made my friend & i take it back...which we did!We went back & put it back in the machine!Fun!Fun!Fun!Enough Space Invaders to turn you into a Martian!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I gonna attempt to busk in the smallest country in the World.....but i'll probably get stopped before i start!Has anyone ever done the Vatican City?Maybe i can stand with one foot out & one foot in & do 2 countries at the same time?When they try to arrest me....I'll take my foot quickly out...& say"Now i'm in Italy!I'm in another country so mind your own business!"At least if i make 50 lire i can say i've done the Vatican!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I'm going to be the first jester on Earth to perform in Antartica!I'll probably have to perform to the penguins though!I'm sure they would be an honest audience!
I have actually met someone who has made it to Antartica in quite a different way!I also was thinking of doing this many years ago......as i asked some sailors....which were standing by a ship ready for Antarctica....in Hobart Tasmania....if it were possible for a jester to go aboard....in return for laughter.They were not into the idea at all.I was almost tempted....to jump on.
Anyway i met this chap from Hobart who did oneday jump on the ship with his girlfriend heading for Antarctica.After a day & a half they revealed themselves & obviously the ship couldn't turn back!They were treated like luxury & got a cabin to themselves & when they got to the Continent(The Last Great Wilderness)they were only allowed off for some short time to take some photographs.Apparently the ship was mostly of French scientists going to experiment.They were there for a month & when they got back to Tasmania they had to go to court.....but were luckily let off scot free as they said they were protesting!Anyway all the very best!Mr Rumpity-Bumpity The Eternal Nincompoop!P.S.Maybe i should try Antarctica,Iceland & Greenland?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I once got my fortune picked by a budgerigar in Bulgaria.I was in Veliko Tarnovo....this bizarre old town....with an 11th century castle in ruins & volcanic...valleys.I came across this old man sitting on a stool while his budgie was perched ontop of a box filled with fortune cards.The budgie picked my card for me straight after a small fee.It was on a small piece of paper in a Braille paper envelope & the writing was in Cyrillic.I couldn't read it & he couldn't speak English.....so i just put it in my wallet.I totally forgot about it..for years..& it wasn't until September...that a Bulgarian man in Vienna read it to me.Now i can't even remember what he said!Golly ol gosh!I still have it somewhere in a pile of junk!I will again find it....& take it to the Bulgarian embassy so they can do another translation for me!I'm still puzzled about what the message says?Anyway i've off like a stinky goblin's cough!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

When i was about 3 or 4 my mother asked me to throw her,her sunglasses......which i did,but they went overboard & into the sea....as we were on a friend's boat.They were her best glasses so she jumped in....the middle of the sea....& then ended up getting surrounded by a circle of jellyfish!Gorblimey!The World is weird!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Here we go againy.......Oops!I remember doing this gig on April Fool's Day in this suave nightclub on Oxford St in Sydney...called Club Envy!First i did 45 minutes walkabout just gooseing about...with my odds & ends & then i was up for the big solo fire show...half an hour later!The manager of the place said"I think you're going to be awesome!Go for it"
I went on & lit up my fire-balls & starting juggling the buggers with fire-gloves on....but the horrible things kept going all over the place.The manager did look a bit concerned.....but i quickly raced into doing the fire-skipping on the unicycle routine.I lit up the rope & it flared up ever so big...as i wasn't used to this indoor fire-water stuff.Crikey!The flame was huge!I was trying to be a little bit fancy & should of just went for the straight skipping!I started to skip.....nevertheless,but whilst wearing spring-shoes.....& all of a sudden the flamin' rope got caught on the back of my spring-shoe & then my leg was on fire!The manager quickly got the fire-extinguisher & blew me out!I even went to have another go....but i slipped on some stray liquid drops & nearly went arse over head...so the manager quickly rushed me off stage!Crikey!I blow them out & they blow me out!April Fool's Day!I never heard from them again....but i still have a scar on my leg....so i won't forget that April Fool's Day!What the heck!No one's perfect!Oops!I did so crap....that i said"Pay me half",& they did!

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Spring-shoe madness!Here's another spring-shoe story!About 7 years ago i was busking in Fremantle in Western Australia outside the Fremantle MArkets....& i had a really friendly audience & everything was going well after going for quite a while & then i kicked my leg up & my spring-shoe came off kind of sky-high....& was heading straight for some adjacent restaurant table where some well dressed couple were sitting.I sensed the shoe in slow motion & could see it going for some cranky business man....with his hand in the air.The shoe slightly flicked his hand & then fell in his bowl of soup...& he went ape!The audience roared with laughter.....& i really didn't want to laugh because i knew the seriousness of it.....but unexpectedly....i helplessly cracked up laughing....not knowing whether i was coming or going as everyone....said"Keep going!Oh Gorly Gosh!I was lucky!That was the show stopper though!I got let off lightly & so did my shoe!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!It's funny to observe the faces of officials when my spring-shoes come up on the x-ray display!They say"What is it?"I say"Oh!They're my Kangaroo boots!"....& They say"Oh!"