Rumple-Idiot Worship

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was at the Strawberry Fair in England....in full(fool)jester's regalia....watching another show...after doing a 5 hour stint myself & then all of a sudden....without realising....a little scruffy dog pissed in my velvet bag of toys!I thought"What a little squirt!Bugger of a thing!"It was all over my toys....my squeaky lobster & all!"It took me ages to wipe of all the piss....& it certainly made people laugh.Then i went to watch the show again just before it finished.....& again without paying attention.....a little scruffy mut...lifted it's leg & did exactly the same trick!I couldn't believe that i got fooled again!Sneaky little champions....even fooled a fool!

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

"The Show Must Go On!"Gosh!More story tales............I feel like a chihuahua going round in circles trying to catch it's own tail.....like a fool going around in circles!I'm going to do the full(fool)360%(degrees).Oops!I've forgotten what i was going to say now?Can anyone remember?Hello!Oh no,Yes i know......there once was an Octogenerian church-goer called Hilary Pumplemoose......who walked her gooose to & fro with her wherever she would go.She would go to Go......wherever go was.Oneday she couldn't go...to Go because she stopped going....& that was the last i remember about her past!Anyway i'm back.....you wouldn't know it!I've come along way since Hilary!Remember me?Maybe i should do my Rip Van Winkle trick & see if i wake up forwards or backwards in time?See you next time?Maybe i should go to sleep & wake up at the same time & see what happens?If you go to bed really late.....it eventually becomes really early!Oh gosh!I'm going around in circles like a Hammerhead shark with tunnel vision!I have to go.....wherever Go is?Oops!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Arhhhhhhhhhh CCCCCCRRRRRIIIIIKKKKKEEEEEYYYYY!!!!!!!Ear i go again!Time's up!Ooops!3 seconds!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was in Edinburgh......year's back & had all my takings in my hat.....& was about to finish for the night & all of a sudden a pack of about 10 Footy kind of hooligans came by & started taking the piss....while i was doing a show in Hunter Square.Then one snatched my hat.....so i chased after them down the street with one spring-shoe on....like a frantic weazle....flipping out...& even caught up with them.They stopped & i couldn't remember which one took it!I didn't get very far as one of them stuffed it down his dacks & i wasn't about to find out!Such is life!Why do the poor have to rob from the poor!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Another time i was busking in Bondi in Sydney & it was a cold day...& i worked really hard as i was skint!Again i had all my takings in my hat.....& after hours of going.....some Italian mob came by & watched for a while!They laughed & i thought they were with me.....until i turned around later & noticed they were gone & so was my hat!Gorblimey!I Captain Scrapeskate to the rescue....to save my frogskins....from appearing in my hat!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

There once was a stick-insect by the name of Stonker who tried to make love to a sexy rhinoceros beetle called Ethyl!It didn't get very far....because Ethyl was quickly saved by a praying-mantis called Henry!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

"Oh i forgot the one about...........?"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Where was i again?I should know......because i can't stop following myself around.....wherever i go!Maybe i can go every direction at once & then come back & say"Toodleloo!"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

After weeks & weeks & weeks & weeks & weeks of trying to find accommodation in Sydney......i saw an article in the paper....which sounded like such a bargain & good deal that i rang up straight away....& inquired about the place!Time & time again...the answering machine was on....until oneday it answered....well the person answered.He said....."Hello madam!"I said"I'm a bloke!"He said"Oh.....what do you do?",in a camp voice!I said"I'm a clown!"I said what to you do & he said"I sell sex toys!I would love to live with a clown!"I thought....."Oh crikey!Why do i only get interest....from weirdos....when searching for accommodation?"I didn't move in!I seemed to spend my whole life in Sydney looking for the ultimate granny flat that was never there!What the heck!Maybe i'll have that mobile Castle oneday?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was at the beach year's back with my grandmother & aunty & my sister & we were playing criket & all of a sudden our humungous beach umbrella got picked up by a big gush of wind & went flying along the beach.It eventually hit some old lady on the back of the head & knocked her out!It wasn't very funny even though it looked funny!She did come to her senses after the ambulance arrived.She was alright.....but had to get some stitches.....even though it had some people in stitches laughing earlier!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I've had a funny time in Paramatta.....well not so funny time when i think about it.....but still a funny time in another way!I remember getting sausages galore thrown at me......while doing a funny little run around to warm up the band....so many years ago.Another time i managed to get a gig at 7 a.m in the morning & i was supposed to wear all black & support a huge snake going through the town.5 minutes before going on....we(the puppet manouverer's of the giant snake)were told we had to now change into yellow & blue footy shorts & socks...as it was a gig for the snake being an escort for the Paramatta rugby team!Gosh!Paramatta is rugby people mania...just about!We were all manouvering the snake around town & doing funny moves while yobs all about the place were throwing footballs at our legs & saying such as"These sheilah's have hairy legs for guys!"Gorblimey!Year's before that i get sausages thrown at me & when i come back.....i am supporting a giant sausage but getting rugby balls thrown at me!"...."Paramatta!Ya can't beat it!"

[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 12-24-2001).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!I keep making spelling mistakes!I can't escape from making mistakes.....because there's keys all over the place & i keep getting them mixed up!It's a drag when you get people's toothbrushes mixed up & realize later.....when ya teeth are clean....what's happened!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Isn't it a drag......when your walking along in public & all of a sudden you blow a goobie out.....& it sticks to your leg & everyone's eyes almost squint in disgust!On a few occasions.....it can be so ridiculous when you go to clear your throat in public....& you just can't flick the slimey dangling spit off....& it goes on for ages....& everyone's looking & ya feel like such a GooOse.....that it has to make you laugh!The same goes with the nose!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh Christ!I hate it when you're at someone's house & you get a forky.....& it goes both ways & you completely miss their toilet all together!