JOKES

[Butterfly Man]

Thwee sturikes yer owt, yu durty magician ... nxt tyme twy tu be funnee

[gazzo osborne]

Gazzo calls Kumi from Boston and asks to speak to Robert


Kumi says,"Didn't you hear Gazzo that Robert fell off his Unicycle and landed on the back of his skull and he is in a bad way and might die."

Gazzo says, "Alright then, I will call back."

So an hour goes by and the phone rings at Kumi's and the voice says, "Can I speak to Robert?"

Kumi says, "Didn't you hear that Robert fell off his Unicycle and landed on the back of his skull and he is in a bad way and might die."

Then she asked, "Who is calling?" and the caller says,"Gazzo"

Two hours go by and the same thing happens. This continues all day in the same manner.

Next Morning the phone rings the caller says, "Can I speak to Robert Nelson?" Kumi asks, "Who is calling?" The caller says, "It is Gazzo." Kumi says,"I told you a million times, Robert fell off his Unicycle and landed on the back of his skull and he is in a bad way and might die. Why do you keep calling?"

Gazzo replies,"I just like to hear it!"

[gazzo osborne]

It matters not

The hard on you got

as long as she did it well

fun things are made by hands well-laid

the test of hmmmmm will tell

but how can you count or know the amount

of the output of a man?

by the slurping displayed

, or the beauty's sideways smile

to be touched by the juggler's hand

[Butterfly Man]

A carload of street performers are on their way down to Faneuil Hall when they approach the scene of an accident.

“Oh my God,” gasps Jim of the Jim Show, pulling over for a closer look at the crumpled wreck, “that looks like Gazzo’s car.” So everyone piles out and walks closer.

“Look,” says Peter Gross, “that’s Gazzo’s arm!” - as he removes the watch from the flaccid wrist.

“I’m sure that’s Gazzo’s leg,” says Bobarrino Gravattini as he takes bloodied shoe off and measures it with his own.

“And look- that’s definitely Gazzo’s head,” shouts Nick Nickolas, running after it as it rolls slowly down the street. “This will work so much better than a Tennis Ball!

editors note*
This joke would have had a happier ending but Gazzo never had any decent time slots to divide up amongst them.

[gazzo osborne]

it matters not
the job you got
so i'll cast you under a spell
things are made by plans delayed;
the test of time tattletales.
but what fool would count
or even care to know the amount
or the value of a man?
only the magic show unseen,
or the beauty sawed in half
by the touch of old the man's hand

[gazzo osborne]

it matters not
the job you got
so i'll cast you under a spell
things are made by plans delayed;
the test of time tattletales.
but what fool would count
or even care to know the amount
or the value of a man?
only the magic show unseen,
or the beauty sawed in half
by the touch of old the man's hand

[Butterfly Man]

Butterfly Man and Gazzo are doing shows out on Venice Beach when Gazzo falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

Fearing he has had another debilitating stroke, Robert whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "Gazzo is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help.”

In a composed tone, the operator continues, “First, lets make sure he's dead."

There is silence ... then a shot is heard ...

Butterfly Man says, "OK, now what?"

[karney]

What's the difference between The Butterfly Man and Robert Nelson?

The Butterfly Man is a snappy juggler

------------------
--karney

[gazzo osborne]

It Matters not
By the size of the nose you got
As long as you breath through it well
Things are made by plants well hid
Testicles in time will swell
But how can you count
or know the amount
the value of a gram
By the snow displayed
or the yappn' made
or by the snow on the Jugglers' nose

[This message has been edited by gazzo osborne (edited 08-25-2001).]

[Butterfly Man]

“A mind is a terrible thing to waste.”
Said Marlowe to Longfellow
“You need to choose words carefully,
else others deem you shallow.”

“I care not what others think!”
A retort he did bellow
“I’m way too proud to make good sense.
I spit instead of swallow!”

So to and fro the battle raged, a comic duello.
Bon mot, low blow, foe do-si-do, comedic tic-tac-toe
Quid pro quo, row toe to toe, sardonic doh and whoa
Ergo heigh-ho, you so-in-so, tally-ho de-facto dildo

[Peter Voice]

On his way home to Auckland from a good season in Canada, Nick decides to go via London and drop in at Covent Garden to see what's happening.
The first person he ran into was a rather confused, out-of-sorts Richie Rich. Noticing his old friend's disorientation, he asked "You aw righ' mate?"
"I'm getting better" said Richie. "I fell off my unicycle hit the back of my skull and was near death."
"Lot o'that goin' round" said Nick desperately suppressing a grin. "Are you getting to the Gym?", he asked to change the subject.
"Yeah" said Rich, "but I'm not a boxer anymore, I'm a Cocker Spaniel!"

"Riiiigghhhtt", says Nick after a long pause, "so, um, how long have you been a Cocker Spaniel, Greg?"

"Not long," he answered. "I used to be a St. Bernard but I lost my Liquor Licence."




[This message has been edited by Peter Voice (edited 08-26-2001).]

[Peter Voice]

Post Script to the previous conversation.

Richie Rich was over-whelmed at the kindness and compassion of Gazzo who rang the hospital dozens of times whilst he was at his lowest, asking how he was. He was obviously relieved when the nurses finally said Richie was going to make it, as he never rang again.

[This message has been edited by Peter Voice (edited 08-25-2001).]

[Butterfly Man]

Master Lee and Jeff Mosche decide to take the afternoon off from street performing and go sailing on the Hudson.

Suddenly their boat starts sinking and William says to Jeff, "So risten, Mosche, I don't srim so good."

Mosche remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid. So he begins tugging Master Lee toward shore. After ten minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 100 feet from shore, Mosche asks Master Lee, "So William, do you suppose you could float alone?"

Master Lee replies, "Waaa you say, this herruva time be asking me for money!"

[Butterfly Man]

The Top 10 Reasons not to hire Martin Ewen for your kid’s birthday party.


10. References to Kierkegaard and Nietzsche are lost on most 5-year olds.

9. Scares the holy hell outta the kids with “Lurk’s Severed Limb" trick.

8. Tells the kids he killed Barney in a blood match in Wellington.

7. Prefaces each trick with, "here's a little number I learned in the joint."

6. Not exactly the Peewee Herman impression you were expecting.

5. Wears a T-Shirt that says, "Drug-free since March!"

4. For his opener he projectile vomits on the living room rug.

3. Business cards include the phrase "From the Mind of Stephen
King...

2. Only balloon animals he can make are a snake and a "snake on acid."

1. He spends the entire party with a gun to his temple.

[Airborne Dan]

What's the best sexual position to concieve an ugly child?

I don't know, ask Peter Panic's Mother.