JOKES

[Butterfly Man]

Alfred & Seymore are at the Windsor Buskerfest on Pitch 5 for their fourth day in a row and they see an advert in the newspaper, "Be whitey for just 99 cents!"
They decide to go for it and the last day of the fest they show up at the address printed in the ad.
Seymore says, "Damn! I only got 98 cent!"
But Alfred says, "Hey man, I got me a loonie ... let me go in first an get white and when I come out I gives you a penny so you can be whitey too."
Seymore agrees saying, “Yeah, that be cool with me.”
So Alfred goes inside and about 30 minutes later out he comes, as white as wonderbread.
Seymore says, "Man o man that is so cool ... gimme dat penny now so I can be white too!”
Alfred ignores him, gives Butterfly Man some Cuban cigars and joins Bill Ferguson and Glen Singer on Pitch 2.

[Butterfly Man]

Richie Rich, Nick Nickolas & Dave Sheridan are on their way to the Auckland airport to drop Butterfly Man off after his gig at the Easter show. Richy is eating an apple in the back seat of PC's van, when he asks, "Any of you guys know why my apple is turning brown?"

Dave pretends he doesn't hear anything and keeps driving, Nick quickly puts on some music and lights a spliff. So Butterfly Man explains, " Well, after you ate the skin off, the meat of the apple came into contact with the air, which caused it to oxidize, thus changing the molecular structure and turning it into a different color."

There is a long silence.

Then Richy says, "Robert, are you talking to me?

[nick nickolas]

Rob it's Lucky the human squid 'inky'....

Richie is know longer...
n

[Butterfly Man]

Dave Sheridan & Butterfly Man are working side by side at the Cuba Mall during the Wellington Fringe. They had been friends for many years and had shared numerous pitches all over the world. Lately though their performances had been limited to a few of the less demanding street festivals as they could only perform one or two shows a day before they were completely knackered. Just as they were packing up and Butterfly Man was applying some ointment to a recent dog bite, Dave turned to him and said "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've been friends for a long time ... but I just can't think of what your name is! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what it is." Butterfly just glares at him. For at least three minutes he just stares and glares until the vein in his forehead begins to throb. Finally he says, "How soon do you need to know?"

[Butterfly Man]

Alakazam is performing in Auckland when he meets this absolutely gorgeous young woman. One thing leads to another and they end up back at his room in the hotel.

After two hours of exhausting great sex he says, "Now, I’m sorry to have to tell you this but you won't see me for a while."

A tear comes to the eye of the sweet young thing as she is obviously smitten with Al. She can’t bare the thought of not ever seeing him again and asks, "Why? Are you leaving town, the country or what?"

"No sweetie”, says Al, “that's not what I mean. Please turn around..."

[Peter Voice]

Young Raoul went to a karaoke nite and some drunk sang "The Green, Green Grass of Home". It stuck in his brain and he hummed it all the way home. When he got up the next morning, it was still there. He sang it in the shower, he sang it on the bus, it stayed with him all day and the next and then the next.
After a week this started to become a problem. Workmates, loved-ones and strangers were complaining so Raoul went to see his Doctor.
"Doc" he said, "I just can't get this thing out of my head. What's happening?"
"Oh my God, I've heard about it but never seen a case before. It's Tom Jones Syndrome (TJS).", said the doctor. "Highly contagious", he added.
"I've never heard of it.", said Raoul, "Is it rare?"
"It's Not Unusual ......"

[This message has been edited by Peter Voice (edited 04-11-2001).]

[scot]

Those are really funny jokes, Butterflyman. It would be great to see my name in one. Put me in the one with the priest and the dwarf who called himself a midget but was mistaken for an accalite. I don't remember the punchline. I think it was a funny twist on the set up.
Thanks for passing out flyers for a show you would never attend. Manual labor / Hand job.
scot nery

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The Lonnie Anderson of juggling,
Scot Nery

[Butterfly Man]

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at
night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.
The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar,
turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on
my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch
it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite,
and then make off with the cheese."

The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both,
slams each glass into the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies:
Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it
home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so
I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.

The third mouse lets out a long sigh, puts out a cigarette with his
paw, and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit,
I gotta go home and fuck Scot Nery."

[Frisbee]

Hee hee heee heeee....You asked for it Scot.

-Frisbee

[nick nickolas]

Butterfly,Scott and Movin' Melvin visit a whore house, it was a strange one when you pay by the inch($5 per inch) after they were having a drink and conversing about the experiance they had....Melvin turned to Scott and said
"How much did it cost you"
"$15" he replied
then asked Melvin what she charged him
" ha ha ha $60 " he sad
They both turned to Butterfly to ask him
"$7.50" said Robert......"but I was clever I paid on the way out!!"

[nick nickolas]

Why did Robert Nelson cross the road?
Cos when the sealions took his pier 39 pitch away from him after a century he had to go somewhere


[This message has been edited by nick nickolas (edited 04-14-2001).]

[nick nickolas]

Well I just wanted to tell ya that I asked my girlfriend to marry me the other day.
Yeah I had the flowers,engagement ring etc...
Got on my knees and said"darling I love you,will you marry me?"
"No way" She said
"Is there someone else" I tearfully replied
"Theres got to be!" She said as she walked out the door....

p.s. Engagment ring,Flowers and crushed ego for sale.....

[Chance]

Nick, into women? Since when?

[nick nickolas]

Well the girl before that was into bondage Chance.....
I tied her up and she said you can do anything you want,so I left her,,,,,,,went after another got on my knees asked the big question and ...well you know the answer

need to sell an engagment ring!!!

I'm gonna give up girls and start chasing oxen!!!!

[Flo]

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed together. the chicken is clearly upset as she's huddled with her back to the egg on the opposite side of the bed. The Egg is lying there smoking a cigarette. he turns tot he chicken and says, "Well I guess we know who came first."

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The Firey One