Post Quotes here

[Flyin' Bob]

I've performed for the same audience...

"They stared at me like a dog that's just been shown a card-trick." - Bill Hicks

[Alice_Of_Hearts]

"Is there anyone here who can get between my legs better than I can?"
- one of my circus troupe, tryng to undo a pair of stilt pants.

[Alice_Of_Hearts]

"All I need now is rotating wrists and this would be easy!"
"It is easy, just tie yourself in a big tangled knot and then try to get out of it gracefully"

-Robs instructions on a new fire move.

[Rachel Peters]

(in Forest Gump voice)

"Mamma always said, 'stupid is as stupid...... ... . .. ...chocolate.'"

-my funny friend, Becky.

[Peter Voice]

Ah, crap.

"I feel like a silk purse stitched to a pig's head"

Me, from an email I just sent to a corporate client.

[Rachel Peters]

“Montezuma’s Revenge is nothing more than good, old fashioned, American diarrhea. Adult diapers should never even come into the picture!” -- Fred Willard, "Waiting for Guffman"

[jester]

Dr Eric

Go to the Mr Wilson thread if you like this, it's very interesting.

As far as a male/female relationship I'm a huge fan of an intellectually arrogant male with subtle hints of superiority and mysoginy countered by a pretty, likeable female, with the underlying tone being that the man is an idiot completely incapable of operating without the underappreciated and mostly unnoticed help of his partner, who in turn, is the genius masquerading as a nitwit.

Dr Eric describing almost every marraige since monogoamy began...

[Doctor Eric]

"Your sins are what make you interesting. Like you, you start talking about your Christian values and system of morals, and you, you start telling that story about the time you kick-@#?!ed that girl with cerebral palsy and we'll see who builds a crowd."

-Doug Stanhope

[jester]

which is exactly why the chinese curse with "I wish you Interesting Times."

[Rachel Peters]

The Master of Tongue-in-Cheek

"If it's her you want, I don't care 'bout that.
You can have my girl, but don't touch my hat."


"The preacher asked her and she said, 'I do'.
The preacher asked me and she said, 'Yeah, he does too'.
The preacher said, 'I now pronounce you 25-to-life. Son, she aint no lady, she's your wife'."


"Look. I understand too little, too late. I realize there are things you say and do that you can never take back. But what would you be if you didn't even try? You have to try. And so, after a lot of thought. I'd like to reconsider. If it's not too late. Please... make it a cheeseburger."

-- Lyle Lovett

[le pire]

history has a strange way of repeting...

Mark Twain on the American-Phillipean War (1899-1913):

"There is the case of the Philippines. I have tried hard, and yet I cannot for the life of me comprehend how we got into that mess. Perhaps we could not have avoided it -- perhaps it was inevitable that we should come to be fighting the natives of those islands -- but I cannot understand it, and have never been able to get at the bottom of the origin of our antagonism to the natives. I thought we should act as their protector -- not try to get them under our heel. We were to relieve them from Spanish tyranny to enable them to set up a government of their own, and we were to stand by and see that it got a fair trial. It was not to be a government according to our ideas, but a government that represented the feeling of the majority of the Filipinos, a government according to Filipino ideas. That would have been a worthy mission for the United States. But now -- why, we have got into a mess, a quagmire from which each fresh step renders the difficulty of extrication immensely greater. I'm sure I wish I could see what we were getting out of it, and all it means to us as a nation."

[Rachel Peters]

around the lunch room table...

Paul -- "That guy who composed Bolaro... I forget his name."

Rachel -- "MAURICE RAVEL!"

Paul -- "yeah. that's it."

Rachel -- "CHA-CHING! Yesss! ...I sourndeded smart! I mean... I smound smart... um... I mean, well, I smarted sound before I kept talking... I sounder when I don't talk... sound smarter... I'm going to stop talking now. ............................MAURICE RAVEL!!!"

(and red-faced, she continued eating her porkchop)

In the end, it was funny, however, unintentionally so.

[Peter Voice]

"I saw news footage of Condaleesa Rice's fitness regime the other day. All those sit-ups might tighten her arse but nothing is gonna stop that Bush from embarassing her." Will Anderson.

[Rachel Peters]

"I made a sugar cube pie, but I didn't want to feel gross for eating the whole thing, so I left the crust."

--overheard a few seconds ago, at the lunch table, next to my cubicle.

[Rachel Peters]

on such an occassion

After the mention of unicorns and lucky charms, I felt the need to quote:

"We have a rocking chair. Each of us rocks his share,
Eating muffin buns and berries by the steamy kitchen window.
Sometimes we do.
Our tongues turn blue."

aaaaaaah, Joni.

...rainbows.

...muffin buns.