Rumple-Idiot Worship

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gosh!I once got done for not wearing a helmet on my unicycle in Byron Bay!Couldn't beleive it!IT even made the Byron Echo local newspaper!Technically...apparently they can gnab ya....as a lawyer told me that.....you have to wear a helmet on a pedled cycle!No-one wears helmets in Amsterdam!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I once got picked up from a butcher in York while hitching to Tipi Valley in Wales & then at the end of the lift he opened the boot & just as i was about to get my unicycle out....he said"Would you fancy a pork pie...as they were in the boot also!I said no....i'll be right!He then closed the boot & i absent-mindedly forgot for a few seconds to get the unicycle & he drove off & i waved like crazy but he never came back!I thought"GOd!I'm a complete utter GooOsE!"On the side of the road hitching were two guys.....well one of them was a bit tricky to tell.A chap said "Hi in a campy voice!I'm a hermaphrodite!My mother is from India & my father is an American Indian & i was born in Africa!"He then was picking his whiskers with some tweezers & occasionally kissing the other bloke he was hitching with.Eventually a car pulled up & they got in & said"Are you coming along aswell"as they were also going to Tipi Valley!I said"I might actually go back & report my unicycle to the local police station & hope someone has handed it in!"I did so & no luck & got to Tipi Valley some hours later.When i got there...& walked around for a bit....i saw the two chaps holding hands with their heads down....& i said"G'day!"They said"Guess what we did?We just left our bags in the car we were in!"How weird was that!Life works in mysterious names!
I once lost my wallet twice on the same street...Elgin Street in Carlton..Melbourne.....& then lost it later that year again twice....but on Missenden road!How quirky......lost it twice on 2 different streets twice in two different cities!Also lot i more later!% wallets in a year!GooOSE!THere's nothing worse when you're looking for something for a while & you end up finding it in your hand!P.S.GooOsE!
I lost my jester's hat when i was in Edinburgh!I put all my jester's regalia on & was all ready to go.....until i was about to put my hat on!I looked & looked but realised i lost the bugger!I had another jester's hat as a backup luckily...with a rooster frill & donkey ears!I went out & performed anyway!LAter on i put signs all over Edinburgh...stating reward for jester's hat if found!A few days later i was doing a show & my mobile phone rang ...so i answered it & someone said"I've got your hat!"I said"Where!You can come & meet me on High St a.s.a.p & i'll give you a reward!"Near the end of the show some chap came along & said"Here it is!"I couldn't beleive it!There is was!What a fluke!I got the bugger back!
I once also lost my jester's hat whilst hitching in the Nth East coast of Oz!Strangely it returned back to me days later!Also lost another jester's hat which didn't come back in Christiania in Denmark!I've go too many unicycle stories so i don't think i'll say any more or else my eyes will turn into mothballs!Adios Amigos!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gosh!A few years back i was in Kosovo just about to perform at some school & i forgot a few things so i went to run back to the place i was staying at while dressed in full(fool)jester's regalia....& i took a wrong turn & ended up getting a little lost!There was houses in ruins all over the place & cars with tinted black windows would toot their horns & also they would pop their heads out & have their hands in the air"Laughing...going Yeh!",while driving past!Gorblimey!It was a bit of a culture shock!Some silly pixie on the loose in a war zone!In some ways it felt less threatening there than....when i was in Oz in Parramatta quite a few years ago!I was asked to do a funny little run around for the Australian Doors Show......but i think the crowd were more reved up for some rock'n'roll!I had a gherkin-studded guitar,a kilt on,spring-shoes,Zappa pony-tails,green lipstick,eyebrows & a goatee & was singing really bad songs on the guitar while springing around like a GOoOse!Some big rugby player with no neck won a meat raffle on the night(a big sausage pack)& handed out all the sausages to all of the yobbos he could...& then said"Look at the Fuckin' Poof on the spring-shoes!At the count of 3 aim!!!1,2......3!The whole joint threw sausages at me left right & centre!To insert some humour i said"I'm a vegetarian!"They went completely ape & i was almost completely sausaged!One sausage flinged past & nearly knocked my false nose off!I stood my ground against the whole bunch of hooligans which was as rough as guts!I got paid $50!I'm an Ozzy battler by crikey!Don't mess with me because i'm a weasel!Weasel POwer!
My all time worst busking mixup was when i was about 18 or 19!I was outside the National Tennis Centre in Melbourne(Oz)& I had all my silly get up on....with some tacky tartan minstrel top & kilt & pony-tails & springs ...with the same-gherkin studded guitar...singing bad songs to the more humble tennis crowd which was still hard enough!EVentually without realizing.....adjacent....Australia lost against England in the Final in the cricket at the MCG stadium!THe tennis & cricket matches were not so far at all from each other!The cricket fans were completely wound up & as soon as they saw me they went bananas!Some bloke said"Get a real job ya Fuckin' wanker!"I said "Get a real life...ya sport head!"He snapped his cap & went completely nuts & tried to jab me with his Australia flag.....& the hoons were throwing my gear all over the place!Eventually about 25 police came to the scene & broke it all up!I thought it was going to turn into a riot!It was almost like feeding yourself to the lions!Fuckin' freaky!I had a much better time in Kosovo!Crikey!What a World!How friendly is Oz when you're not incognito in your pixie-suit in the wrong suburb!One look & you can set em' off like a pack of wild dogs!Well i think things are changing a bit now these days!Cheeers & all the best!

[Scot Free]

looks as if this is going to be a 42 hour post...

[fracksfreakshow]

wow that's alot to read. Has anyone actually read it? Could you give me the brief one line summary of it?

[martin ewen]

Go -Rumple go.
Stand back everbody, this stuffs been held in a while now, he's gunna blow.
(it helps if you read it in a really high voice)
Rumple is 100% real deal committed to eccentric street theatre. For years he's been going and doing places and things that simply occur to him in the moment.
He's a treasure and should be approached with caution

[Bri]

This thread is awesome,well worth the time invested in reading it. I recommend we all get comfortable, grab a beer and watch Rumple go! Go RUmple Go!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Holy Gherkin Twisties.......The Rumpel Files are Up & running by Crikey?Gorblimey!Just arrived in Paris,nippy around the ear-lobes.......but not as nippy round the lobes as when i first arrived in Russia(St Petersburg°)a few years back.I thought Estonia was cold.....but by crikey....Russia's hardcore in the winter!I arrived at 5:30 a.m to St Petersburg....was a little surprised as i thought the bus was going to pull in a little later.I ended up standing next to an warm air blower near an entrance at the Metro train station to thaw out a bit.I couldn't beleive that all Russians were rushing around so early in the morning!Not really the place to chill out,straight after being in Estonia!Even leaving Estonia was a story,gorblimey!I was in Narva which is the most Easterly point of Estonia & is a 96% Russian town.I was a bit confused earlier in the day as there were 2 castles i wanted to check out.Well the Estonian was easy play...but i thought perhaps i could try & do the Russian castle aswell....but how as it was on the other side of the river.....& there was only 1 bus left leaving for St Petersburg at night at 1:00 in the morning really!I thought "Crikey!HOw can i visit the castle!It's just over the bridge?Maybe i could leave my bags in a locker on the Estonian side & pop back for them later!"Then i thought"Then i won't be able to get back to get my bags & catch the late bus to St Petersburg if i check out the castle....as there was no buses i think from the castle.....& who wants to wait....when it's minus whatever!Also you'd need a multiple entry visa to to go over the bridge a couple of times!"There was no-one who seemed to know about visiting the castle....what hours & all....but i thought i'd leave my bags at the train station & go walkabout Narva!Later that night i was waiting inside the train station sitting down all by myself....& there were tramps knocking on the door(outside)wanting me to let them in as it was cold out there,but i couldn't let them in as the door was locked!This went on for a while....until eventually a cleaning lady opened the door & as i was hungry i went to go & look for something to eat.I found a restaurant.....& got a flipping sizeable omelette with enough chips.I took my time....until eventually i saw the time & had to rush like crazy back to the station & get the bus to Russia.I got back to the station & went to open the door.....but it was locked!There were quite a few tramps inside,but they couldn't open the door as they didn't have the key!I was panicking as my bags were in there in the locker & i'm gonna miss the bus!Gorblimey!The station doors open & close at periodic intervals!I went around the side of the station & tapped on some windows,until by surprise....all these young soldiers opened the curtains & just laughed when they saw me out there making gestures that i'm in a flipping hurry to catch the bus & i have to get in so i can get my bags out!They just kept laughing,so i ran to another part of the building & knocked another window!I saw 2 police men through the window but they were on the nod & couldn't hear my banging.....until a cleaning lady came to my attention & opened the door.I went straight to my locker but forgot the combination!I thought"Shit!I'm fucked!"She quickly called for another lady who had some special keys to open it!Already i thought i'd missed the bus,but lucky it was late.....so i got to St Petersburg alright!Now back to the other story!I was thawing out by the door at the Metro station & must of looked like a geek as these huge Russian doods went past with big Fuck Off fox fur hats & that,while occasionaly grumbling!Probably thought i was a complete weasel pansy.....Mr Tourist...the weasel rat!I got a Zeton token or what ever ya call it for the train & thought okay & 1,2,3 let's go,but everything is in Cyrillic(spelling?),i don't have a guide book.....but i have a map in latin letters!IT was like i'd just arrived on Mars!Like some off-beat 70's avante-garde space film i was in!As i went down the escalator.....all these archetypes were looking at me.....some interesting looking characters.....not the usual Western look!It almost felt uncool if you looked western...as i didn't really anyway.....but they've got an eye for it!It's kind of easy to read by the dress code,particularly in the winter.I spent the first day.....just getting lost on the Metro.....which was interesting.....but too cold to be fun...as my clothes were not of good quality!I did hurry up & get some warmer things!Crikey!No tourist offices here!Gorblimey!No wonder just about everyone has those ear-flap hats!It was a bit of a culture shock at first.It seemed a bit like the east of eastern Europe.I found the Youth Hostel eventually....& it was 15 U.S a night!I thought gosh!I was even a bit skint as even Estonia for accommodation was cheaper.It makes you realize that....you can see why....as it doesn't have such the infrastructure to support tourism as does the West....so even accommodation there can be cheaper for travellers!Well is was 18 U.S a night in MOscow!I was lucky to meet a student who let me stay with him in St Petersburg for a couple of weeks.Russia was interesting,but sometimes minus 20 % was a bit full on.I stayed at night with some Belorussians in Moscow & when they woke up they asked if i would like a puff of a number!To be socialable i did......but boy crikey.....did it kick in when i was outdoors!It was hardcore being potseyed in Moscow minus 20% in the morning!I departed & spent the day just checking out the Metro stsations!Gosh!They're something!More interesting to look at than any other train stations i've been to i guess.Oh another time i was going to check out the Peterhoff(have i got it right)palace in the outer sticks of St Petersburg & i overslept my train stop & woke up i don't know where.....in some little village where people were selling stuff in the snow!I thought"Crikey!"I said "Hello!Doe's anyone speak English!"Oh no!i felt like such a sissy good little English boy or something....even though i'm Australian.It really makes you realize the joke: What do you call people who speak 2 languages?Bilingual!What do you call people who speak 3 languages?Trilingual or multi-lingual!What do you call people who speak 1 language?English!Gosh!Going to check out the palace....i felt like a goOse....trying to explain that!I did find it with a bit effort!
I also remember seeing the Old Circus in Moscow.....& it was a different experience feeling the energy of a Russian audience....cheering & all!It felt like quite a collective appreciation of the circus.They really harmonize their emotions!In the interval i felt like a bit of an oddball sitting by myself eating a Russian icecream while all these soldier boys were getting their photo taken near by....posing with a chimpanzee....& a small aligator & python & fairy floss stalls with balloons & that!Some of them laughed at my appearance....well i probably did like a bit of a GooOse with these ridiculous almost Russian boots i bought in Finland & also just my presence i guess!People in different countries quite often seem to laugh when i start talking.....especially school kids!Sometimes even when i try to be serious people laugh at me!I guess it's the voice!I don't even think about it so much....but that's the only reason,well maybe not,why they would laugh?I also got a ticket to see a show in Moscow.....& it's turned out to be a badly choreographed erotic ballet with the most hideous srtip-off of 80's clothing!That ticket was a gamble as i couldn't even read it properly!Gosh!I could of seen Deep Purple for about 10 Deutcshe Marks but i was too late!That's where these 70's bands are now.....doing Eastern bloc countries!I could of even seen Kiss doing their Psycho Circus show in Prague....with the aid of 3D glasses in the winter.....but my visa was expiring........so i missed that one!
Gosh!It will take me forever to get through these stories......& even longer on this French keyboard......as all the keys are a bit differently placed.....well not all of em'Gosh!I was amazed at how well dressed some people were in Moscow!It made me feel a bit like a feral...ferret ratweasel at times.....& especially coming from the Western World....perhaps i should look a fraction more smartly dressed at times.Some of the girls were stunning.....quite foxy....& really well dressed.....making me feel a bit cheap!I'm in this material world....even though i feel i belong in the ethereal world....well both....but appearance isn't everything of course!
I stayed awake for the last 48 hours in Moscow.....& for the last 5 just lingered again around the train stations.....out of surealness.IT was guite quaint all in all even though i was nearly completely pooped!I did check out the Kremlin & of course the massive Hermitage Museum while in St Petersburg!The train ride from St Petersburg was quite sureal late at night.Some Russian bloke insisted on buying me a meal in the restaurant car....which was playing ambient Russian folk music....& had a Parisian look about it....with dim lamp lights & red velvet curtains with gold tassles etc!
After Moscow i ended up getting a really long train ride to Latvia.....Riga!The train was chockers with those red,white & blue stipe huge Chinese bags!So chockers i had to sleep up on some bed that was like sleeping on a shelf!I was knackered so i just did my Rip Van Winkle trick & slept for donkey's!Latvia was also an experience.Crikey!They really know how to make rye bread by crikey!It's so dark & almost as hard as a brick....makes pumpernickle bread seem like it's for pansy's!I stayed with 2 twin sisters in an old communist flat in Riga....which was different!Their whole flat was totatlly decked out with pumpkins of all different sizes!No joke!Pumpkins in every nook & cranny!The next morning after staying my &st night there,i heard some crackling noise & thought that the radio in the room must be lodged between 2 stations,until i realized it sounded more of a sizzling noise!Then my ears followed the noise closer & then i saw some little wisp of smoke.....then i saw something leaking under the cupboard!My God!It was a squashed pumpkin & it was on some cord....which had frayed & was melting the wires!I called the girls & they saw that it looked a bit freaky & one of them pulled the cord out of the wall & it went bang & the socket went black!What a freakout!We all laughed & they praised me as they were almost out as they had to hurry up & get to school!If i hadn't of noticed it in time.....i could of also walked out & then the place would of been curtains....all because of a leaking pumpkin!HOw weird.....aye?I also saw the circus in Riga.....but not as much fun as the Russian one's as i saw 3 there.I tramped around Lavia for a bit & checked out Trakai castle & other things & went to Lithuania Next....Vilnius!More stories......i have to stop?I even saw a Devil museum in Kaunus.....with different Devil icons from all around the World!Different folk Devil's & all sorts.Particularly peculiar was a wood carving of Hitler chasing Stalin around with a whip or was it the other way around?i've forgotten!I asked some old lady who was watching the rooms as i walked around if i could take a photo of her as she looked like an old witch!She nodded & smiled & had a weird glint in her eyes & also some gold teeth that almost twinkled!The place was definately kooky!Somewhere in the middle of Lithuania.I also visited the Hill Of Crosses for something to do.There were thousands & thousands & thousands of crosses all over the place.All different shapes & sizes.I not a religious person......but it was worth the hike!It looked like something out of a Tommy film or something!even the pope put a cross there apparently.After that i went to Klaipeda & stayed the night at a friend of some student i met in Banks Bystrica in Slovakia!In Slovakia in this town.....a student smuggled me into the University dormitory & in the room the students just partied all night....so i got about 2 hours sleep in.I visited a folk carving out door free kind of museum park somewhere half way up the Peninsula....near Kalliningrad!it was quite quaint.I wished i could of got to that other part of Russia but i would of needed another visa by crikey!After Lithuania i went to Poland,Slovakia & the Hungary....Budapest!I remember one night....well early morning at the Backpacker Guest house in Budapest.......i awoke to the tedious noise of an alarm clock!I said"someone turn it off!"Then more voices said"Turn it off!"Gradually everyone in the room which was full....woke up getting quite cranky of the clock going off!Someone jumped out of bed & said"the noise is coming from this locker!"I steered my ears & said"Shit!That's my locker!"I scrambled around near my bed but couldn't find the keys!I looked for ages & everyone....after a late night didn't find it amusing!I just couldn't help myself....well almost even brace myself from stopping laughing as the whole situation was ridiculous!Earlier that night we had a good laugh.....but now everyone was pissed off with me!I did eventually find the key & opened the bugger of a locker!Gorblimey!What a funny nightmare!I also discovered that at this guesthouse they have a list on the wall of all the people that have stayed there over the years....put into different categories!My name was listed as the weirdest!It caught be by surprize....off guard....a little before i was leaving.I also had a Serbian visa......but the situation was really flaring up & only a day or two ready for war!Crikey!Europe is weird!You think of the distance.....say from Switzerland to Albania!THat's like going from Melbourne to Sydney!Gosh!Visas galore though!I remember the time of flying from Athens to Zurich on Austrian airlines via Vienna & got to the Swiss custom post & then weirdly enough scrummaged in my bag for my passport.....but couldn't find it,until the whole line went passed & i was the only one left!I said"Oh no.....i must of left it on the plane!"the officer called for assistance & they had to drive me back(as there was no airport bus at that stage)!I got on the plane & the crew & especially the pilots were telling me to hurry up fast as they really had to leave urgently as they had a fierce schedule to stick to!I just couldn't find it & thought"Oh no!"they said"Sorry!Time's up!We're out of here!"What can i do with no passport!I quickly turned up a few more seats & miraculously.....just in the nick of time found my passport!It must of been a present from the Gods!I got back to the post & they let the weasel through!"Yeh!I'm a GooOse!I'm a GooOse!Hip Hip Hooray!I'm a GooOse!"
I also remember being invited to someone's house for dinner in Zurich & they said if you want to you can arrive early & let yourself in.I did & walked up the steps & sat down comfortably in the loungeroom.....until someone came in & spoke German....& then quickly English"What are you doing in my house!"I thought"What?"I showed them the address on a bit of paper & they laughed...."it's a few door's up!"Crikey!What a fool i am?Such is life?No-one's perfect even though some think they are more equal than others!
Anyway i better hit the frog & toad!Perhaps i should soon follow the Yellow Brick Road back to the Land Of Oz & hang out with the kangaroos with a few roo's loose in the top paddock!Signing Off Trumpetsparroweasel The Kinght Of Scrawny Ear-Trumpets!P.S"GooOsE!"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh one more quick story!I few years back i was in Luxembourg.....i checked out nearly all the catles there.....also in Liechtenstein.My first time in Luxembourg was odd!I arrived late at night in the Winter & walked over the bridge....;waht a site.....dramatically beautiful was the scenery.....misty & all etc!I hitched from Belgium to Luxembourg.When i got to the train station,instantly an old man & a hooker asked me for sex!I thought how twilight zoney.....of all of the places of the World you get asked this question from é different sexes at exactly the same time!The World's warped at times!I ended up finding some run down building & crashed there.The saircase was half broken with even icycles hanging off it!I climbed up & slept on the top floor.I awoke with toes frozen like iceblocks as there were no windows in this joint.Well also i awoke to another tramp who had just walked in & i thought i must of discovered his hang-out!He spoke French & just went walkabout....as so did i soon after!Crikey!Another time i was in Luxembourg i did some busking & did okay even through the rain & ran to catch a train out.....& when i got on the train i realized that my V8 vegeatble juice bottle was broken & i had tomato juice all over my drawings book!What a bummer!I cleaned it up....took ages!I aslo went to go to the Berlin Love Parade(to see what all the fuss is about) after Luxembourg via Hamburg!I got an early Love train which had Doof heads galore....with ghetto blasters blasting out Doof,Doof,Doof,Doof......etc!It was a bit hunched.....& completely packed in Berlin.It took me ages to put my stuff in the luggage room as all the lockers were full & ques everywhere!I even lined up for ages to go to the toilet.....which was a little pricey!After the whole day there.....i went to get my stuff out of the luggage room but the ques were ridiculous!I waiting an hour & a half in the line & then they changed doors so i missed my train & had to wait an hour in the other que to get my bag!Madness!I even went out of the station for a breather.....but it took a while to squeeze back in as it was late night & people were all leaving!There was absolutely no where to sit & all the wall space was taken to lean your back against something!I did get some wall space some time later & fell asleep on my bags as the next train wasn't until another 6 hours!I awoke a little late & thought i'd missed the train,but lucky it was late so i got on!Hours later when it passed into Holland....at Amersfort.....i was so parched that i needed a drink so i quickly got up & went to the kiosk to get a drink...thirsty as Hell!All of a sudden the station master blew his whistle & my coins fumbled & spilt all over the place!I ran like mad & went to open the doors but they were locked!I thought"Fuck!"I ran along with the train trying to open the doors but they were all internally locked!I thought"Fuck!There goes my stuff!Jester's costume,spring-shoes & all!"I saw a window slightly ajar & i thought"Who dares wins!",so i flung myself at the window hanging on outside as the train was really picking up pace.....scrambling outside like a nutcase trying to get in through the window!People just looked at me Zombie-eyed!The train was really going & then i managed to flip myself through the window....as a matter of life & death & said out loud"Fuckin' Crikey!"It was completely nuts!Everyone was amazed!Who dares wins!Well not all the time!Anyway ciao for now!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I remember catching a bus going from Denmark to Sweden & the bus goes on the ferry & that.Well i overslept on the ferry & woke up & everyone was gone!I quickly bolted down to the deck & even all the cars were gone!Not another disaster!I ran on ahead on the road & could see a bus in the distance at the red light!I ran like a fuckin' nutcase like a mad Mr Puniverse!I had to run about a kilometre it seemed,right up that main drag!The light was turning green & the bus was almost off.....but my fingers tapped on the door.....& i made it!Nothing new!I have a habbit of always being the last one on board!Why does it alwys happen to me?Even i can't work that one out!Also from Sweden i caught a ferry to Finland.God these Scandies dress so clean......it's people like that,that make it hard for people like me getting past the custom post!How on Earth could i ever look that spiffy(spick & span)?Why dress like that when you've already got easy flexibility?I again awoke but this time to the Finish customs....as i was the last again on board!Was a little quirky,but later on visited Turku castle!I'm off like stinky turkey's balls!In Turkey i rode a moped(motorbike)for the first time in Capadocia....& had a Turkish instruction for 1 minute.....didn't understand it but i took off alright.....trying to catch up & tag along with these kiwi's who wouldn't wait for me!I can't even drive a car.....but went 80 kms an hour up the main drag!Wow!Was an experience!That will probably be my initiation into Adulthood when i learn how to drive a motor car!I also rode a moped in Greece on an island for the second time & was with Clarke McFarlane from Planet Banana.After an hour riding on different bikes.....we went to pull in at a open restaurant to get a salad,but i realised if i turn my bike off,i won't be able to start it again as the key had wiggled out along the way!What a fuckin drag!We were starving!We ended up riding all around the island again & 45 minutes later Clarke spotted the key on the line on the road!What a fuckin' fluke or what!We laughed & went & got some very late lunch!Signing Off Crumbleforeskin or Rumpeleforeskin or Captain Crikey?P.S."Crikey!"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh just another story!Here we go.................Once upon a time there lived a pixy who lost his goose-pimply thimble!It was quite a nostalgic piece.....& in search for it.....oneday was surprisingly pulled by the nose into a long forgotten castle.......somewhere in the sticks of the back pocket of the Ukraine & was never seen again!P.S.CRikey!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I remember i was in Malta checking out all these neolithic temples as i was curious.....& oneday arrived back in Valletta (as all the buses seem to go back through there when trying to get to another place in Malta!What buses they are there!Really something else!)& as i went to get on another bus.....i saw a little dog scratching it's arse against the bumper bar constantly!It caused such a scene that many bus drivers & people all started laughing!What a comedian aye!Animals can sometimes be the funniest comedians as they're so natural!I mean look at roosters......natural born jester's or what?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

About eleven or twelve years ago in Oz i was hitching in Victoria in near Sheparton & i got picked up by a truckdriver.......who thought i was a sheilah in the distance!When my face popped up over the seat.....he said"Shit!I thought you were a Sheilah back there!Get in!"After hours driving he said have you got any tapes.I handed him one & it went straight onto a Tiny Tim track....."Tip Toe Through The Tulips!"After listening to about 2 minutes he said"What is this shit!"I said"Tiny Tim!"He quickly took it out & put some Dr Hook on!Many hours after that i said i have to go to the loo,& he said"If you want to go.....you'll have to wait until i go,because i'm on a deadline!You want to go......i stop the truck let you out,BUt i have to go & you get left behind!"Eventually hours later after hanging on.....he stopped the truck to take a leak.....as did i,but we were both on the same side not so far apart & i was a bit embarrased & he said "Have ya finished!I have to go!"I said"Yeh!"For some reason i couldn't go there & then so had to jump back in the truck or get left behind!Gorblimey!I had to hang on in agony until the next stop!I'll never forget that!Gorblimey!Maybe i should go for an audition as Mr Puniverse someday!I'll walk into a huge Football Stadium in the middle of the field in a Mr Puniverse outfit someday with a spangly cape & Y-fronts & all with a megaphone turned up full-ball & yell out"Come on ya pansies......i'll have ya!Put em up or i'll call the police!Who wants me?I'm for free!Come on ya sissy's what are you waiting for!Ya punch of Poof's!"
Anyway i've got to run!All the very best with everything!P.S"GooOsE!"
Let's all re-educate this World & let the Estrogen levels take over the testostrone levels & then we can all live in peace & harmony & then there will be wars run by transvestites armed with shield's of dried seaweed & huge mouldy gherkin batons....wearing fuffadelic attire!Well it would be less frightening wouldn't you agree!A psychedelic war.....where the only way to win is lose!Let's create nincompoop Olympics & let the nuts run the nuthouse!An artistic revolution......where creation outdoes destruction.....& there is no such thing as winning or best!Come join the tribe windy-foggery nincompoops & we'll just crusade on through with our gooseyness & totally all just Pixy Out To The Max!What do ya reckon?Maybe you'll all just put me in a laughing stock & throw mouldy gherkins at me!I'm gonna clone myself & do it if no-one wants to help me!I'll be the tribe of individuals!I'll start my own country where only clowns are allowed in!Just joking?Maybe i'll clone myself & then the tribe of me,myself & i will take over myself!Crikey!i can't get away from myself because i'm there wherever i am!Sometimes things are so absurdly serious or seriously absurd!Surreally real or really sureal!Turn reality into fantasy or fantasy into reality & live out your mythology!Signing Off Robin Goodfellow The Eternal Universal Trickster Extraordinaire Chameleon Kanagroo Fool or Fool Of Comedy?P.s."Ooops!"Crikey!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!I can't escape from making mistakes!I'm a tragic comedy of errors!A master of disasters!I guess the only way to success is through failure.....but i guess it's not good to become a fool's fool as an unemployed fool is nobody's fool or is it?Oneday i'll be so filthy rich i'll even be able to afford my own king!Maybe i should advertise for some old sugar granny in favour of marriage to a gooOse-weasel who has a spare castle lying around so i only have to wait some time until i can turn it into a complete fun house!Any offers?Signing Off Crumbleforeskin or should i say Crumbleforeskint!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh no!I've lost my tweezers!