JOKES

[Butterfly Man]

It’s audition time at Faneuil Hall once again and Airborn Dan is excited that he’ll finally get his chance at performing alongside the big circle shows.

So he saunters up to Cyrus and says "OK, you old fart, time to for you to retire."

Cyrus replies, "Come on Airborne, you can't handle ALL these pitches.
Look what it's done to me. Can't you just let me have two of the smaller pitches and Gazzo’s illegal spot at night?"

Airborne Dan says, "Beat it Bazorisauris! You're washed up and I'm taking over."

Cyrus says "Look, I'll tell you what, I'll race you to Harvard Square and back.
Whoever wins gets exclusive domain over all pitch sites on weekends prime-time."

Airborne Dan laughs, "You know you don't stand a chance, old man, so just to be fair, I'll give you a head start."

Cyrus takes off running. About 15 seconds later Dan takes off after him. They round Harvard Square and Airborne Dan has closed the gap. He's already about 5 inches behind Cyrus and gaining fast.

Peter Panic, Jim and the office personnel, meanwhile, are back at Faneuil Hall when they see Cyrus & Dan running by.

Peter Panic grabs his shotgun and BOOM!, he blows Airborne Dan to bits.

Jim sadly shakes his head, "Damn ... and I thought he was just kidding with that “Out yourself here” column.

[Airborne Dan]

Two lonely cowboys were sitting by the camp fire, starring off into the night sky at the foot of the Sierra Mountains. They were at the end of a long trail driving sheep from Kansas to California. When Jed said to Stan, "I'm lonely, you lonely?

"Yup, I'm lonely too". Replied Stan.

"I'm horny , You horny?"

"Yup I'm lonely and I'm horny too, but I reckon there's nothin' we can do 'bout it 'til we reach town."

"Well I been thinkin'", said Jed, "Maybe there is something we can do about it. There's just the two of us out here, alone, with all these sheep. I was just thinkin', we could fuck us one of these sheep."

"We could fuck us a sheep", said Stan, "but the question is, who gets to fuck her first?"

"We'll flip us a coin. Deal?"

"Deal."

Jed pulled a silver dollar out from his pocket, tossed it into the air crying,"heads or tails?".

"Heads".

"It's tails".

"Awe sheeit, well Jed I guess you win, You wanna fuck her first?"

"Naw Stan, you been such a good partner over this long sheep drive, why don't you have her first".

"I'm much obliged".

Stan and Jed started searching the herd for the perfect ewe to screw. Soon they found her curled up and sleeping beneath a scrub oak tree. Stan crept up and nudged her gently to wake her up. The sheep stirred from her slumber and stared dumbly at the two cowboys standing over her. Stan removed his breeches and showed the ewe his erect manhood. At the sight of Stan's hardened pole the ewe began to get exited and felt the juices of her love box begin to flow. Stan eased in behind her and and gently worked the head of his cock into the sheep's pussy. She shuddered with pleasure as he worked his man member deep into her dark hole. Soon the pair were riding each other with untamed abandon until Stan blew his load deep into the sheep's honey pot.

Just then the boss came over the hill, "I been waitin' two weeks for you boys to show up with them sheep, now lets get them into town pronto"!

Stan and Jed ran straight to their horses and began the last leg of the journey into town when Stan started having feelings for the sheep he had just known so intimately. He pulled her aside from the rest of the flock, determined not to let her go to the meat market.

When they came to the end of their sheep drive Stan and Jed lead the flock into the market to get their pay. When the boss came to pay them Stan said "I don't need your dollars, just let me pick out one sheep to bring home with me".

"Fair enough", replied the boss.

Stan picked out the sheep he had so lovingly fucked the night before and brought her home with him. He built her a special pen, separate from his other animals and gave her all the comfort he could afford.

Months later he realized that she was pregnant and offered even more care and comfort to her.

The months go by and the sheep's belly swelled until finally that fateful day came when she went into labor. Stan stood right by her, whispering in her ear and coaxing her through her pain. She gave birth to three beautiful lambs and one very ugly human/goat child.

Stan, the cowboy sheep fucker, looked proudly at his brood and said, "I think I'll name that one Butterfly Man".



[This message has been edited by Airborne Dan (edited 12-03-2001).]

[Chance]

A.L.W.A.Y.S. nice to see that any perception that buskers are uncouth, uncultured, vulgar or unsociable is unwarranted.

[Jim]

Jesus, Dan... how long have you been holding that one in?

Don't hold back next time.

Jim

[Butterfly Man]

That would explain my angoraphobia!

[Prof Willie B]

And people told me I was sheepish as a kid.

[Triona]

I guess I've finally made it, I'm in a joke!

[Adam Gertsacov]

some lightbulb jokes:

How many Freudian therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

2. One to change the lightbulb, and the other to hold the penis--- I mean ladder.

How many clowns does it take to change a lightbulb?
79, but they all have to get out of the car 1 at a time.

How many paranoiacs?
Why do you want to know?

How many performance artists?
I don't know, I left at intermission.

[nick nickolas]

How many US Street Performers does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Acch...We can all do that!

How many US Street Performers does it take to buy a round ???

That's the Question ????

[Airborne Dan]

How many sheep fucking cowboys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they prefer to screw in the pasture or the barn.

[Barry]

hey nick...wanna beer?

[scot]

Ok, Ok. I'll jump on the band-wagon for telling ventriloquist girlfriend jokes:

My girlfriend's such a good ventriloquist, she can shoot ping-pong balls from her loins without moving her lips.

My girlfriend's such a good ventriloquist; when I'm with her people think I'm smart.

My girlfriends such an unfaithful ventriloquist, she calls me while she's giving my brother a blowjob.

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scot nery
mailto:scot@juggle.comscot@juggle.com</A>
deadjugglers.com

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[Peter Voice]

A heavily tattooed street performer on a tall unicycle was just finishing a show outside Luna Park in Melbourne when a duck waddled onto the pitch and asked, "Have you got any corn?".
"No" said the kilted one and the duck waddled off.
The next day, as the lingerie-garbed performer was trying to escape from a straigh-jacket, the duck returned and said, "Do you have any corn?" "No" said the performer as he struggled with his props and lines.
When the performer tried to do the bit with the unicycle, the burning torch and the apple, the duck turned up agin and asked "Do you have any corn?"
He lost it, it's only a duck after all, right? "No, I don't have any corn" The performer screams," and if you ask me again, I'll nail your fuckin' beak to the nearest tree"
The next day, the performer had just finished a killer show and the duck turned up.
"Have you got any nails?" said the duck.
"No" snapped the juggler.
"Good" said the duck, "Got any corn?"

[Scot Free]

Bikeboy comes stumbling drunk out of a bar and is pushing his bike along the sidewalk, when he comes across a nun.
He leans his bike against the wall and punches the nun in the face, she goes down. He then lays into her with his steel-toed boots, kicking away with glee.
He then grabs his bike and bunny-hops 100 times on her head, crushing her skull, laughing uncontrollably all the way.
He puts his bike down, stands over the bloodied body and says:
"you see Batman, you're not so fucking tough!"

[Prof Willie B]

Pope John Paul was visiting New Zealand and was travelling by car from Wellington to Auckland when the limo broke down. It just so happened that Nick Nicholas was cruising down the same road and stopped to see if he could help.
"Bless you", said the Pope, "I'm running awfully late. Could you give me a lift to Auckland"
"Sure" said Nick, the Pope jumped in and off they headed.
After a few minutes, the Pope starts getting impatient with Nick's leisurely driving, "Faster, faster" he said.
"No way" said Nick, "I can't afford to lose my licence."
"Fair enough" said PJP, "Let me drive then. They won't dare hassle me."
So Nick got in the back, the Pope took the wheel and off they shot like the proverbial "bat outa hell".
They'd barely gone 10 miles, albeit in 3 minutes, when the siren and lights started behind them. The Pope tried to say it was the doppler effect because they were going so fast but Nick wasn't fooled and eventually convinced him to pull over.

The cop walked up and took a long look at the 2 of them, then walked to his car and radioed central control.
"I need some advice" the officer asked, "I've pulled over a very important person for speeding and I'm not so sure what to do"
"Who is it?" asked HQ "not another member of parliament?"
"No, much more important" said the cop.
"Is it the Prime Minister?"
"No, much more important."
"Well who is it then?" said an increasingly impatient HQ.
"I really don't know" said cop " but the Pope's his chauffeur."



[This message has been edited by Prof Willie B (edited 12-25-2001).]