heckler lines for kids(rude Kids)

[jeep caillouet]

rednecks

Hey AJ I sorta do a redneck show, could I use some of your best lines? Oh by the way do you live in a trailer park up there?heckel heckel heckel...

[Doctor Eric]

I did a show on the circle last night, one of those ones where you start with no one, keep plugging at it, and all of a sudden, huge, great crowd.

I was jumping all over the place, and at one point point, there's these two pages from an SFWeekly, or whatever, blowing across the pitch, distracting me. You know the kind, from the free weekly paper, they're two sheets wide, real thick newsprint.

So I grab the two in a big wad, hand them to an eight-year-old Mexican kid, and say "If you can eat that whole thing by the end of the show, I'll give you twenty bucks."

The kid doesn't flinch, doesn't hesitate at all, just grabs the wad out of my hand, takes a big bite, and starts chewing, with this proud, determined look in his eye.

The crowd goes nuts, I lose it, too, and start laughing hysterically; he's still chewing. Still chewing. Keep in mind, this wad of newspaper is about as tall as the kid, one end in his mouth, the other scraping the tops of his Keds.

As the laughter starts to die down a little (which takes a while), I see his mom standing behind him. Smiling.

"His mom is right there, and she's not even STOPPING him!

"'No that's okay honey, we need the money, you just keep chewing, just like Daddy taught you.'"

He's still chewing.

This little white girl on the other side of the circle starts squealing with delight.

I say "that's pretty funny, huh?

"Why don't you go over and start on the other end of it, we'll see who finishes first?"

She looks at me and starts shaking her head...

"What?! You don't like Mexicans?"

[Doctor Eric]

Heh. I just saw AJ's threat, didn't notice it before.

San Francisco, CA, USA, AJ. Feel free to come down and punch me in the face anytime you'd like. You wouldn't be the first.

[jeep caillouet]

don't do it!

I did a trip across country San Fransisco to New York one time with Sonny Holiday in the fall of 1984 . We were working on opposite corners one night in NYC. He was doing a card routine where he was showing the people all the cards when one heckler said "let's see those cards"Sonny told him "that's close enough" and kept on showing the the cards when the guy interrupted again "lets see those cards" Sonny Told him "I said that's close enough" the guy heckled him again . Sonny politely stabbed him 17 times, grabbed his table and his cups and balls hailed a cab and he was gone!!! This is hear say you know because I was on the other Corner ,but I did have to get him out of jail a few days later. Just goes to show you can't heckle some street performers.

[The Amazing Beaumanz]

love it!!!

Wish I was in that crowd!!! Jeep, We'll see you Sunday.

[jeep caillouet]

hell of show

It would have been a hard show to follow for shure if he had been able to collect his hat. YEHAAAAAAAAAA...

[AJJames]

true

true, that does sound like I was having a trevor day,
think i need a holiday, or just some sleep
eric I was ranting but I do prefer discussions over fisticuffs, i would like to have it out verbally, matt ricardo was an isolated incident , i haven't decked anyone else in my 14 years street performing.
and not many people have tried to deck me.
oh very sorry peter for the fuck you, i was ver impetuous there, it wasn't intended for the other peter , it was just a stupid rant at you because i thought you were someone else.
taxi- who the fuck are you ? blow you ? ok I'll play,
no I won't actually.
look, basic facts are, me punching anyone , is very rare, unheard of even, matt ricardo being puched is very common, everyone really hates him at best. I am sorry I did it ... sort of, not that he didn't deserve it, but I wish I hadn't when all is said and done.
don't know what I was thinking posting on performers .net I guess I didn't think how it would look to people that didn't know Matt, because I knew that every single person thats ever met him would totally understand. and well not one single person who knows him has said a thing on this thread.
its only people who are a bit quick to judge but, fair enough , I'm not judging you, you were only going with the information you had.
can't say I wouldn't be as quick to judge, i might be.
I probably wouldn't be so antagonistic to someone that hasn't directly threatened me, whats your problem with me? just the punch and tell posts? or is it more?
and are you actually wanting to get a blowjob, cos my blow jobs are as legendary as my kung fu.

[Mr.Taxi Trix]

Re: cheers gav

.
"Blow me" is a figure of speech here used as a sensitive alternative to "kiss my ass".

[Peter Voice]

Ummmm, gee, Peter, thanks?????

Should I expect any more unpleasant emails from your inbox?

[seagull]

I don't think OJ is planning to kill anyone else either...

[Mr.Taxi Trix]

reactivating this ancient thread...

"I don't know if you realize this, but, you don't have a speaking part."

[Lex Brodie]

I remember in the Army, the way the drill instructors would ALWAYS shut down any whining, or attention-getting behavior of any kind was the withering line, "You think you're SPECIAL" or some variation thereof.

No one who wants to be "cool" or part of a group, wants to be singled out as "special", or weak.

So I love the idea of saying the kid doesn't get any attention at home, Can't the audience all say Hi, tell him he's special, Anyone want to give this kid a hug? He looks like he really needs one... etc. ..... Teenagers hate this lovey-dovey stuff and implications that they're weak, little kids mentally.... it will shut 'em right down I bet. If all else fails, pretend you think they're a Brit that'll get 'em good.

Much better than saying their Mom's a whore or on crack, too many times the kids are probably just used to hearing it, because she is.

[Mat Ricardo]

Wow.

just came across the epic thread, and felt the need to say something.

So, yeah, The thing with AJ happened years ago now.

Some of the facts are a little off. I didn't threaten to hit the kid. I stole his hat & threw it into the crowd. Not quite the same thing.

I did get punched, while carrying three bags and a table, en route to the dressing room to avoid what had become a very umpleasant situation. Loud vocal threats of violence in front of an audience, I felt, were best avoided. While walking to the dressing room, AJ did indeed pop up and smack me in the face.

I got up, didn't respond, and continued to go to the dressing room. He got taken away by the police, who had been called by the festival organisers.

He has since apologised, saying that he was going through some stuff at the time, and that he takes responsibility for it, and regrets it, so as far as I'm concerned - between me and AJ - there's no issue. We've worked in the same place several times since with no problems.

Oh, and as for Gav who seems to think I'm "dark", sorry fella, don't know who you are (at least not from the name Gav), and don't remember meeting you, but thanks for the character assasination! Boo!

[Kazoo]

I usually toss it out depending on the age if a smaller child I toss a clean new kazoo and ask them to do better. If old enough to know better I usually toss out either a [you could be me in a few decades think about it] to [at least I'm not supported by my parents].