heckler lines for kids(rude Kids)

[Rick Martin]

Hey kid, tell your Mom no more drinking when she's pregnant.

[Mr.Taxi Trix]

Yo don't make me come over there and slap a diaper on you, boy.

[jester]

I bet you skip school but the teachers don't want to spoil it by telling your parents.

[scot]

It's bad-lib time. Fill in the blanks with the dirty words of your choice.

1) Shut the ___ up. I don't take _____ from any person the size of my _____.

2) Good news for you, ____ face, only the best dye young

3) When you're impregnating your sister and spiraling to the depts of welfare, remember that you're a _____

[Pyromancer]

[quote]Originally posted by jester:
<strong>If one can breathe 7ft flames like you can and the kids are still heckling you have a real problem.</strong><hr></blockquote>

So that is why the kids hardly ever heckle me? Luckily, there is always this guy trying to be tougher than me during my show. I love volunteers who offer themselves... Saves you the search for a good one and keeps the rest quiet...

[jester]

Kids love to be scared in an entertaining way. My three year old loves scooby doo. His word of the moment is "Scarey" and his eyes light up when he is thrilled by something slightly challenging.

The opening line to my show is "Can I have a volunteer for a really dangerous trick." This really gets the kids interested.

The one heckle I hate from kids is the word "boring." That is rude and consequently easy to deal with because if your act is good you have the moral authority. But if I get annoyed I will lose. I have a great time at the hecklers expense, but they laugh too.

"I've seen somebody else do this before." Well it must be good because here you are watching it again.

My tricks are safe and really quite mild but it is the way we do them that makes a trick work for us. I recently had to follow a fire breather blowing 7ft flames. I have all the lines and I can follow it but it is difficult.

[The Amazing Beaumanz]

how about just stopping what you are doing, look straight at the rude kid, walk over to prop box, pull out a roll of duct-tape and rolling it on the ground to their feet??

or pulling out a muzzle?

[Stephon]

Here's something that most of us posting to this thread haven't considered; I saw it this past weekend:

We got to the stage for our timeslot and the act that had just been on warned us there was some big, obnoxious kid in the front row who was yelling out pointless shit all through their show--a real pain in the ass.

As we discussed various comments, bit, and lines we could use to shut him up, Liz, one of the women in our show walked out front, sat down on the kid's lap (he was a big kid, but still pre- to early teens) and quietly told him that he was getting a reputation for interrupting shows, and could he please keep it down so no one would have to ask him to leave.

He got a very sheepish look on his face, and was a perfect gentleman the rest of the show.

Yes, I know it's not a "heckler line" and it's not as fun as showing the audience how cleverly cutting our razor-sharp wit can be, but it was classy, dignified, and completely effective.

[The Amazing Beaumanz]

because our pitch is located at a playground on the beach, we are faced with "local kids" nightly. Same kids, night after night. After awhile, they know your show as well as you do.

Many nights, i have been able to quietly whisper in a childs ear "all these people haven't seen my show yet, i'm glad your back to see it again, but let ME do the show."

This, for the most part, works quite well.

[THE USA BREAK DANCERS]

Getting hekled comes with the job being a performer you gotta excpect that. If you know how to deal with the situation when it occurs then do that.
One thing that's not good is when in a family invironement we should be careful on how we deal with heklers especially kids that hekle us some street performers say some things that are pretty boarderline in a family invironment or say things that are to harsh to say to a kid.

Some of us make realy realy good money doing what we love to do but we can't forget we all had to start some where and when we first started we were happy to have any audience at all watching us perform let it be children or grownups and we delt with heklers the best way we knew how as a matter of fact that's how learned to dael heklers in the first place.
Our break dance show very rarely gets hekled because in the beginning of the show we use music and do a high energy dance routine so we take control of the crowed from the start. Not only that, to the kids were "KOOL" and the parents like us also. After our opening dance number we can pretty much do what we want with the audience.

Some performers need to become more hip do something in the beginning of there show that the kids like something kool. Wheather it's setting up your props useing some of todays popular music like my friend Dallas aka BAUMONZ in Clearwater Fl does,dress hip just be in tuned with todays styles and lingo what ever do someting kool. Alot performers are still dressing and useing traditional circus music in there shows that's lame according to todays kids.

[theincrediblelarry]

just eat them, the young ones are tasty

here it is!

[ 10-23-2003: Message edited by: theincrediblelarry ]</p>

[Doctor Eric]

I thought the topic of this thread was "Lines for heckling kids" not "Abstract Heckler Theory" or "Morals for all Entertainers."
So, on topic, here's a few.

You think I won't kick a toddler's ass?

Now I know why gerbils eat their babies (an original Dr. Eric rewording)

Hey kid, don't SNORT the ritalin.

Do you know how much I can get for a healthy white baby on the black market?

Now there's a load that should've been swallowed.

Hey kid, I left you a cookie in the street.

Be good or I'll sell you to Kmart... They'll laquer you and make you into a mannequin.

Were your parent's too broke to afford a coat hanger and a shop-vac?

Even God doesn't like you.

You remind me of my senile Grandmother, but taller.

Shouldn't you have been a stain?

I was alot like you as a child... but I wasn't allowed in public... I was locked in the basement and fed with a sling-shot.

Shouldn't you be watching T.V.? Daddy's gonna be on Cops.

Why isn't that thing on a leash?

You're only here because rent's due at the K.O.A.

If only you'd been home when the meth lab exploded.

Parents, don't use drugs.

I could've been your Daddy, but the monkey cut in line.

I could've been your Daddy, but Mommy was already full.

I could've been your Daddy, but I picked the wrong end.

I could've been your Daddy, but the smell turned me off.

I could've been your Daddy, but your uncle beat me to it.

Have fun with those.

[ 10-29-2003: Message edited by: Doctor Eric ]</p>

[Kim]

While we're headed in that direction...

I could have been your father but ...
- my dick didn't fit through the bars/chickenwire
- i didn't understand the haggling process...
- she drank from the wrong test tube.
- i fell asleep in the que
- i wasn't going to argue with a clydesdale
- if there's one thing i've learned, it's to always let the pimp go first.

I know people who've clocked up enough milage on your mother that they could use the air miles to pay for her overweight charges.

Some guy told me to find a horse that's a sure thing and put all my money on it... but the coins kept ROLLING OFF YOUR MOTHER...
(although there were plenty of places to put my credit card)

-Kim

[ 10-29-2003: Message edited by: Kim ]</p>

[Mr.Taxi Trix]

[quote]Originally posted by Doctor Eric:
<strong>I thought the topic of this thread was "Lines for heckling kids" not "Abstract Heckler Theory" or "Morals for all Entertainers."
[ 10-29-2003: Message edited by: Doctor Eric ]</strong><hr></blockquote>

Right on!

Congrats... this is the first post in a long time here thats made me laugh out loud. here are my favorites...

Hey kid, don't SNORT the ritalin.

Hey kid, I left you a cookie in the street.

Shouldn't you be watching T.V.? Daddy's gonna be on Cops.

Why isn't that thing on a leash?

You're only here because rent's due at the K.O.A.

If only you'd been home when the meth lab exploded.

I could've been your Daddy, but the monkey cut in line.


....... and the winner is...

You remind me of my senile Grandmother, but taller.


Excellent response to the thread. Bravo!

[The Amazing Beaumanz]

hey Eric, right on!!!!!