Crumbleforeskin's Long Volume Of Idiotic Non-Stop Nonsense!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

My friend gave me another friend's phone number once as he said i should intoduce myself to him,so i rang up...a few different times.....& after a few year's when i went round to meet him....he opened the door & got a shock....because he thought i was going to be some eccentic little old lady!Well that's what he really believed as he said that's what i sounded like on the telephone!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

"Come on you Weazel-Squeezers.....squeeze some answers out of me!"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

It's amazing how many times my name Rumpelstiltskin has been spelt wrong....by all the different people who write my name!I could write a book on it...with just all the different spellings!Here is a list:
Rump,
Rumplestilskin,
Ramplestitskin,
RumpoleStilsken,
Rimplestitskan,
Rambostillskin,
Rainbowstiltkin,
Rabblestillyskin,
Crumbleforeskin,
Rumpledforeskin,
Rubblefortskin,
Crinkleforeskin,
Crinkledwrinkleskin,
Rumpole-of-the-Bailey,
Rip Van Foreskin,
Crumblefiveskin,
Rumpelstiltskinny,
Rumpstiltskin,
Rumpforeskin,
Rumpstiltskinny,
Rumpstitskin,
Rabbitstillskin,
Crumpledforeskin,
Wrinkleforeskin,
Crumblebumstink,
Mr Stiltskinny,
Mr Rump,
Mr Foreskin,
Mr Foreskinny,
Rumpleforeskinny,
Rumpelrumpskin,
Rumpledrumpbumstink,
Rumpy,
Rumpy Pumpkin,
Rumpy Pumpy,
Strawberrystiltskin,
Gherkinforeskin,
Rumpelstonkerskin,
Rumpsteakstiltskinny,
Rumpy Bumpy,
Humpty Rumpy,
Mr Rumpity-Bumpity,
Mr Bumpy Rump,
Rumpypumpkyskin,
Umpelstiltskin,
Bumrumpstink,
Rumpbumstink,
Squirrelstiltskin,
Weazelstiltskin,
Crumpetsparrowskin,
RumpelgooOseskin to name a few.......
also i was at a festival in Belgium & on my food parcel it had my named spelled as Ittlekiltskin(no joke!)...crikey Rumpel beginning with an i...that nearly takes the cake!There are of course more than this...but i'm getting tired!The German spell Rumpelstiltskin as Rumpelstilzchen!
Anyway if you have any more ways of spelling my name....please send them into me!Cheeers Rump!
Oh i forgot Ratweazelstiltskin
& Catweaselskin!




[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 01-02-2002).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I guess you can't take money with you when you die....so at the end of the day it's better to have more wealth in your heart than in your pocket!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was at the Melbourne zoo many year's back with some friends....as we were doing a funny film shoot of each other....& as they were filming me.....i jumped into the elephant section of the zoo...(but i was a little divided by a trench barrier)& whacked both of my hands on both of my knees & said"Come on Henry!Over here!Come here Henry!"....& the big elephant came slowing running over....like a big puppy dog!It looked funny....but almost wasn't so funny when....the elephant's nose extended over the barrier & almost grabbed me!The zoo keeper saw this & quickly grabbed me & we were all thrown out of the zoo!I know....i should of been more sensible....but i was a friggin' idiot!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Many years ago i was really depressed one night so i decided to go on an adventure by myself & i went to the Melbourne zoo at night time....& jumped over the fence!I walked around for ages....& it was so surreal to hear all the animal noises!There was certainly a few mosquito's out & about!I got a bit flipped out...by a big pelican...that i nearly walked into....by the lake.Gosh!You could hear the monkey's going off!I went over the Wilderness section & jumped the fence....& not long after....i nearly got hit by an emu!Gosh!If it had of connected....i would of went arse over head!In the dark....it looked like a monster wearing a tutu!I got out of there quick....& then got out of the zoo altogether!Gosh!I was in the zoo for a few hours!I'll never forget that experience!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was in Tuntable Falls....(i'm not sure how long ago)....which is up in the mountains about 13 kms from Nimbin...which is in the North East Coast of Oz....& i was in a paddock....ready to go up & pat a horse!The horse also had a hunch-back....so i wanted to give it some company...& greet it!I went to pat it....near the back & it somehow jumped up...on it's front legs & kicked out it's back legs with full forse at me....but lucky it's hooves just missed my temple!If the force had of connected...it would of totally knocked me kaput!Crikey!That really freaked me out to the max!I fell back on the grass & then quickly got up & bolted!No human alive could survive if they got kicked by the back legs of a horse...headfirst!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gosh!One of the worst jobs i've done....was cutting lantana around the hills of Tuntable Falls!I did it for free in exchange for helping friend's!Lantana is this heavy-duty root plant that tangles itself up all over the hills & strangles plants & that!It can also get a bit prickly....& you have to hack it with a machete to chop through some of it....as it can be thick like branches sometimes!Gosh!I remember cutting the stuff more 8 hrs some days!It's full on!It's friggin' hardcore to clear all this lantana out!It's a lifetime's job in itself!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was way out in the bush.....with some friends....going to check out Tuntable Falls....the actual waterfall...& after a good swim....& relaxing....we started to make our way back.After about 10 minutes i stepped on this heart-shaped leave....& i felt this excruciationg pain in my foot!I fell over & grabbed my foot as it was stinging to the max!It felt like a 100 bull-ants were all biting on my foot!My friend told me it was some sort of stinging plant....& had 100's of really fine hairs of concentrated acid stuck in my foot!Even though it looked just like a harmless cosy leaf.....it ended up stinging like buggery!Gosh!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was once in a restaurant with my father & his girl-friend & i threw a pea in his hot Milo & he went totally ape....& threw his Milo at me!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I don't know how cats & dogs can eat that jelly pilchards in aspic stuff?I have met a couple of people in the past with vegetarian cats & dogs!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I once lived in an octagen stone-house run on a 12 volt battery....& it only cost $8 a week as there were also 15 other people living there!There were also luminous mushrooms grwoing around the house...which looked amazing at night time!I remember the whole area.....around Tuntable Falls town...got flooded & it was flooded for miles & we were all kept hostage for days....as it wasn't so wise to try to get through the floods!Gosh!THe food situation really got grim.....after a week.Gosh!I was so great to get into Nimbin again & eat well.
Also at this same octagen stone-house.....late one night i went to walk into this little room out the back(which was high up....on stilts)via the ramp...& i totally miscued the ramp & put my foot into emptyness only to find myself fall head first into the bushes...from a 12 ft drop!It was totally dark....& it was lucky i didn't land on a bush-turkey in the process!I wasn't hurt....but it was a bit frigggin' odd!Gosh the bush turkeys in the daytime look like a real like!They peck around looking for nothing half the time....& you can head their beaks go thud into the ground every 5 seconds or so!Apparently some neighbours don't like them because they help themselves to their vegetable patches & that!Personally i think they look like a real laugh!We all have to carve out a living somehow!Go bush-turkey's!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

That would be wild one-day to live on a funny farm.....with pet roosters running around like little jesters,bush-turkey's doing their thing,Kookaburras in the trees having a laugh,wallabies stomping about,hens chooking here & there,little billy goats...doing whatever,kookaburras saying"G'day",ghekos crawling wherever,a donkey...eeh-awing...geece....goosing about....ducks quacking away & all other sorts of delightful little champions kicking about!All this funny animal kingdom around a castle made of sculptured junk.....somewhere on the path at the end of the Earth!Crikey!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Does anyone want a gherkin cheezle?

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I was at the Adelaide Fringe Festival & it was late one night...& i was with a couple of friend's & we went to go to a nightclub where some other people we knew would be there.....& all of a sudden i saw Dereck from the 3 Canadian's walk out!He said"Why don't you go in?"I said"I'm not allowed to as i'm in fool jester's regalia!"Dereck couldn't believe that the bouncer wouldn't let me in & insisted that he let me in!I said to the bouncer"I don't know why i can't get in as i'll probably be the best dressed person there...& besides my pixie-shoes cost hundreds of dollars!"
Dereck said the big bouncer"Look mate!You must have the size of a brain this big!"& showed the little space between his fingers!I was saying"No Dereck!Forget it!It's not worth it!"
Dereck still went on a little bit & then the bouncer grabbed him & nudges him into the corner of the door & the wall!Dereck just kept talking & laughing...& it really looked like it was going to get out of hand....but then some other characters came....& we were off!