Crumbleforeskin's Long Volume Of Idiotic Non-Stop Nonsense!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Earlier this year.....well it's nearly last year now!Ooops earlier in the season...i went to Liechtenstein to do some busking.It was pretty hard to find a crowd....but eventually i found a couple of tables with people sitting around outside some restaurant!I was also with some other Australian guy who did fly-fishing as busking!He had only done it a couple of times though.He had a fishing rod & would cast out a little feathery creature on it & then bring it back in again!It didn't make any sense at all.We were going for about 40 minutes & i was jumping around on spring-shoes...just being a GooOse!
Our crowd wasn't so amused.....which made us a bit confused as we thought we were quite friendly....& just being silly in a good natured way!THen my friend said"What's the occasion for?"They said it was a little funeral party!Gosh!No wonder the situation was a bit odd!At least it was good to do Liechtenstein.
I ended up just riding through the Swiss & Austrian boarder check...with my fool jester's regalia on whilst riding a wobbly weather-beaten bike...with carrot nose on & all.THey did give me unusual looks as i showed them my pass.....but they just waved me & my friend on in....& then we went to the Feldkirch Festival...as it was starting the next day(we did come from there also to get to Liechtenstein....but i wasn't dressed up then)!Crikey!The Show Must Go On!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Hallo!Dag!
Mag ik u voostellen aan
Mr Rumpel Stilzchen!
Hoeveel broers en zusters heeft u?
Wacht hier alstublieft!
Hier is goed,dank u,
Stop hier!
Ik heb mezelf
buiten-gesloten!
Hoe laat open?
Het sneeuwt vandaag!
Dag!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Tha latha breagha ann!
Bu toil leam uisge-beatha!
Am bheil Gaidhlig agaibh?
An canadh sibh sin a-rithist?
Am bheil ceile agaibh?
Tha mi ag iarraidh a Ghaidhealtachd!
De an sorsa ciuil as toil leibh?
Is toil leam Oidhche!
Bliadhna Mhath Ur!
Mar sin leibh!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Crikey!
Ooops!
Gosh!
Gorblimey!
Um!
P.S.GooOse + = Happy Happy Yes!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Bien,gracias!
Gracias!
Que tal?
Me encanta see!
Quisiera presentarle a.....
Crumpetsparroweazel!
Hasta pronto!
Soy de Canguro etiqueta!
Sonarse!
Imbecil comedia....
celebracreacion!
Venga aqui....corte imbecil!
Chiste!Crikey!
Loco idiota!
rompecabezas reino libertad!
Benos dias,
un Hola!
Adios Amigos!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

We're going in the wrong direction!
Can't you see we're in the wrong section?We're meant to be in Section F,
just 3 cms to the right of the Treble Clef!
We're in the wrong key,
can't you see,
we're not to B or C!
I guess your ears can't see,
they can only hear!
Crikey!THis music must sound queer!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Merhaba!
Bir bilet...sakizkabagi!
Kangaroo konusuyor musunuz?
Naisilsiniz?
Ismim Nasredin...burnum...Mr
Rumpel Stiltskin!
Cok guzel degil mi?
Anliyor musunuz?
Turkish konusuyor
musunuz?
Ne oluyor?
Burasi cok guzel!
Gule gule!
Caniniz sag olsun!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Where's MY Earmuffs?
====================
I've had enough!
Where's my earmuffs?
Stick a crumpet
in your trumpet
ya silly strumpet!
Learn to play,
but not today
because i'm
listening to the rodeo
on the radio!
Go & catch
a stick-insect
or join a sect
of totally correct
rejects!
Anyway enough of this trumpery..
ya frumpy bumpy
friggin' Grump!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Happy New Year

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Hello I'm Henry The Stick-Insect & here's how to take care of me...for friggin'...crying out loud!Follow the instructions carefully ya gooOse:

Great care should be taken in handling stick insects at all times, remember they are living creatures just like you. some species such as the Indian or Laboratory Stick-Insect Carausius morosusand the Australian or Giant Spiny Stick-Insect Extatosoma tiaratum are relatively sturdy and these should be used when allowing younger children or people who could be frightened to handle the Sticks. Note that some species such as Pink Wings Sipyloidea sipylus tend to lose their legs very easily. Also it should be noted that some species such as the Australian or Giant Spiny Stick-Insect Extatosoma tiaratum, the Jungle Nymph Heteropteyx dilatata and particularly the Thorn Legged Stick-Insect Eurycantha calcarata can and will pinch (with their thorny limbs) and bite if not used to being handled, while other species such as the American Walking Stick Anisomorpha bupestroides and to a lesser extent Pink Wings Sipyloidea sipylus have a defensive chemical spray which in the case of American Walking Stick Anisomorpha bupestroides can cause temporary blindness and considerable pain to an adult.

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gorblimey!I'm Goose-ball eyed here write now...in lethargic overdrive here in Amsterdam.....getting ready to ride the rickety-perished one-wheeler over the next hill....wherever that is.....back to me attic.....to do me Rip Van Wrinkle Trick & Get 40 winks before i stay awake forever!Golly ol' gosh....I rhyme visually with the ambiance of medieval town's like Brugge.....in fool jester's regalia & all!Only time can tell....where am i?Anyway i better hit the frog & toad....before the toad & frog hits me.....just joking.....Crikey!Me jokes are getting worse.....if i ever had any?
There's a bit of a Fantastic....small...fuckoff...Flemish castle there with a moat & all in Brugge!Have to try capture some ambience there....on me roll of film!One of these days.....it would be good to get some film...visual...moving..footage...in fool jester's regalia....around all the castles & old stone walls & all of the whole of Europe!From the Old Fortified Stone Walls of Tallin in Estonia down to Bran castle(supposedly Dracula's castle in Romania....he only really stayed there 3 days...they reckon?)....to the 11th century castle in ruins in Veliko Tarnovo near the middle of Bulgaria.....to the Castle in Dubrovnik(Sth Croatia).....to the castle ruins in Spiska Nova Ves..in the miidle of Slovakia....to the Castle in Lake Bled in Slovenia.....the Liechtenstein castle in Austria....also Salzburg....to the Prince's castle in Vaduz of the Principality of Liechtenstein...to the chateau in Lake Chillon in Switzerland.....to the largest intact Medieval Fortified castle in Europe...in Carcassone/France....to the Castillo....Segovia....in Spain...to the old Moorish castle in ruins with the eye-soaring view in the beautiful.....magical place...Sintra..in Portugal.....to the not so old rock abode of Andorra La Vella in Andorra....to the not so well known old fortified medieval walled town of Eigues Mortes(have i spelled it write?)....to the old castle in Milano...to the old one in Rome(name has temporarily slipped from me brain)....to the oldest republic country in the world with some medieval flavour(wouldn't know it with all the bonkers...junk shops selling quite a bit of kitsch crap.....but some tax-free decent bargains to be had)San Marino....to the old medieval walled city in Rothenburg(Germany)....to Mad Ludwig's(the once king of Bavaria)not so old castle...called Neuswanstein(certainly inspired Walt Disney though to rip it off)....to the Schloss in Heidelberg....to the Schloss in Nurnberg,Erfurt...to the old beautiful medieval town in Prague(the old astrological clock with the cuckoo going off hour by hour over the centuries)....& Cesky Krumlov...& Karlstein(spelling)...to the cathedral in Kuta Hora....to the gothic interior `of the cathedral in Kosnice.....Slovakia(near the Ukrainian boarder)...to the interseting looking Fuckoff Hungarain gothic castle in Hunadorra(Romania)...to the big fuckoff castle in Malbork(Poland)..to the castle of Riga(Lativa....doen't look too castlely these days..though.....i think Trakai is a better one...if i've spelt it right?)...to some castle in Lithuania(what's it's name again?)to the old Danish castle on the boarder Estonia....& the Russian castle on the other side facing Narva.....to maybe Hollow's Nest.....in the Ukraine....but that's more of a tourist trap......(not authentic by crikey!).....to the castle of Copenhagen(where is it?Sometimes palaces & castles can get mixed up in time).......to the old medieval walled city of Visby on the Island of Gotland(part of Sweden)...to the castle of Turku in Finland...to some viking places in Norway & Iceland.....to some old medieval joint in Gravenhage(Den Haag/Nederlands)...to Bourshield chateau somewhere in Luxembourg...to the massive cathedral in Koln(suprisingly....intact after World War II)...to Sarajevo(Bosnia)...to the old walled castle in Belgrade(if it's possible?).....to the old Turkish castle in Skopje(Macedonia)....to a few medieval villages in Albania....Montenegro....to the Acropolis(Athens)....the Medieval town on the island of Corfu(Greece).....the old castle of Ankara(Turkey)& the walled city of Istanbul...even the castle of Damascus in Syria(have i got the location right?)....to the Pyramids of Egypt(shit....i'm going off the medieval track a bit!Now back onto it!)....hang on.....may as well check out the Neolithic temples in Malta by crikey!Then onto Corsica to find Napoleon....if me & my team of windy-foggery goblin chauffeurs get whirled of course into a twilight zone.....time warp & end up in Bonifacio....in the 18th century?After that.....onto stacks of fucken castles in Wales.....then Stonehenge & Avesbury for some Neolithic excitement....also Carnac in France....not too far from Quimper.....then onto Hadrian's wall to have a few pints with the picts if the time is right?Then onto Warwick castle to check out some jousting......then the old tower of London....then up to Scotland to say "Hello"...to Edinburgh castle...& eat some Haggis with Henry....then over to Belfast...to see the Giant in action jump over the causeway.......then down to near Limerick..( just a stone throw-away actually)...to do the weird contortion act & kiss the Blarney Stone to receive the gift of the gab.....if you beleive in Leprechauny tales.......& then on down through the hills of Kilarney for a laugh & a half to see some splendid scenery & see those bizarre sheep juxtaposed in the most strangest positions standing there on a the steepest & skinniest hill slopes your eyes could ever see in their entire mortal hours!Crikey!Where from there?Perhaps check out Fungi...the dolfin of Dingle if he's still there?Then why not ponder on to Cool Mountain & check out the hippy community.....& then over to Wales again to Tipi Valley to check that one out & try to understand the Welsh language somehow.....with words 43 letters long & no vowels......with 4 dddd's & 5 yyyyy's & 14 wwwwwwwwwwwwww's all clumped together & so on!After that....well of course.....Belorussia....to check out Minsk......& why not Moldavia...to try some extra Moldavian wine.....then Odessa to wash ya feet in the Black Sea......then off to the smallest country in the world.....Vatican City...to try some busking.....standing with one foot on the boarder & the other on the other side.....that way you can busk in 2 countries at exactly the same time!Not Bad!!God Blimey!Where do you go next?Well i know.....it's easy!Back Down Under to visit the Wonderful Wizard Of Oz......with all the roos looose in the top paddock!Let's go to Ernie Sigley's Castle made from perished green goose-bumped thimbles......somewhere in the back-pocket of Dubbo?What do you reckon?See you there...fair square!Fair Dinkum Mate!They'll even be emus singing "Up there Cazaly!In there & fight!Show em' your atom....show em' your Vegemite!"Signing Off Crumbleforeskint.....The Ratweasel Fool Of Comedy...with his Team Of Nincompoop Nitwits!
P.S.Crikey!I've been to almost all of these places.......have been to many castles,cathedrals,palaces,towns,cities,villages,o ld buildings,hilltops & God nose what?Can't stop nosing around with the team of fools!Fuck!How.......many visa's do you need for.....crying out loud!Stone-throw.....visa!Stone-throw.....visa!Hang on i'll just go next door....visa!Oh..God!Left me bag behind.....visa!Have to metamorphasize(Spelling?)into a flying gooose on the looose next trip!Where next though?Perhaps.....America.....to do the Renaissance Fairs......to jest in Cardboard castles......Pennsylvania....to visit Count Pencilnose in style with special guest Mr Squiggle.....or Texas to scout around for Captain Beefheart.....or New Amsterdam(back in time) to check the whole joint out!Nah....why not Winnipeg.....well why not?Perhaps do the former Soviet Union circuit & find that old castle with the help Ivan the Terrible(What am i talking about?).......Off to Pakistan to see whether they really created the bagpipes first?Wouldn't think so when you realize you've been had for a set...that you thought were originally Highlander pipey's!God....i'm nearly off the dial now.....so i may as well head for Kazakhstan next & try to ring on Kryzqsckwenkenstein's(who the Hell's he?Fuck knows?) doorbell & ask him for a round of wormwood beer!No....i think......Greenland would be a wise choice......to be the first coxcombed,roooster horned nitwit fool to jest for the folk in fool regalia....bell on nose & bells on toes!Perhaps even Uzbekistan......to catch the bizarre time in history when Chad Morgan....got on the wrong plane & ended up there in transit by....definately not...he's own free will(crikey....mistakes can get you into trouble at times...accidently!).......Why not Mexico.....to burrow around for frightened cactus worms....misplaced in spicey tacos....nearly being eaten by Aztecs who have arrived too late in the piece!Holy Bean Weasel!That would surely make your tummy rumble whilst passing through!Oh...i know......the next step would have to be.....Manila to pick up some manila folders and write for miles of files......to add to the quest......just before getting to the Great Wall of China....when the words start to extend beyond all pages imaginary......7 then there's a never-ending wall of words to get beyond........until you realize you've been driven into space because the whole place suddenly gets filled up in time.......and you end up on the moon.......driven by some unusual force of gravity......& there you meet.....Rolf Harris with his wobbleboard......doing his rendition of Stairway to Heaven!Fuck!Am i on track or what?Who nose?Fuck nose!Perhaps i should consult Nostril Damus?He nose!We're all just a freckle on the nose of time!Nobody get's out of this world alive........except for Catweasel!A cat has 9 lives!Right!Mr Weasel...you Cat!Oh no....i was on the moon...now i'm falling off it.....falling through space & perhaps into eternity where time doesn't exist....where's the way out?.....Where's the way in?The universe is starting to turn itself inside out.....or outside in?Upside down.....or Downside up?What's going on?Doe's anybody really know what's going on?Is there an escape?Where's that scape-goat?I can hear it having a nap in the distance....?Turn around you goat......am i dreaming Greek Mythology...here..it's Pan!Are you All?Are we all?All with everything?One with the Universe?There is a Universe in each & every one of our mind's.....Does that mean Universes within Universes?It's figuring ate...in & out of my mind!I've lost my mind!Where am i?Who am I?What am i?God nose?Who's God?God know's?God nose what?Everything?Anything?Whatever?Who knows?No-one...someone....everyone?God?What is God?God is what?What is the question?What is the answer?What is the question to the answer & what is the answer to the question?Tell me everything you know.....everything that everybody know's......the answer to reality....tell me the totality of human perception in words.....there must be the answer there somewhere......wherever there is?Don't you think?Think what?Think about thinking what is?What is what?The answer must be what?What?Crikey!Have i lost the plot?I can't find the dot to stop the plot!The dot......called fool-stop!I must stop the dot.....or just keep doing the dot to dots.....dots to dots.....alot of dots to dot......can never stop!There is no plot so how can i stop the plot?Where's the start?Where's the finish?It never begins or never ends?No?Yes?Oh God!I'm trapped in the middle of nothingness?It never starts or stops.....maybe it starts & stops at the same time?I lost in space.....in time?What is time?What to believe?Believe in what?Okay?What!You are God?Who?You?Who's you?You who?Who's you who?Who you who?We are God?Oh God...is this ever going to stop?Is it never ever going to stop....because stop can't be stopped!I don't know whether i'm coming or going because there is no way out....& there's no way in....in this multi-dimentional existance of immortality!It's called eternity!Crikey!Am i the eternal troubadour shifting through the chords of time?There is no time?What?Time is timeless....how can i rhyme with life?I am in the essence of eternal being.....being in the entity of everything simultaneously....with everything since the creation of the universe?What am i talking about?Crikey!How do i wrap my mind beyond everything contained in the Universal Encyclopaedia?There are too many words in the Universal Dictionary for my mind to comprehend!What is too many.........consider the Infinite Dictionary that goes beyond words.....words that all become one by eventually blending into limitless space in the oxygen of the Universe!Crikey!Cosmic...Cosmos....is so vast....it's a blast from the past!What is the past?What is the future?We're in the now....are we not?Where's now?Now is here!Where is here?Here is there or there is here?Gorblimey!Everything is a paradox!What is the answer to the riddle of the Universe?Will i ever work it out through human perception alone?Even if you join all the mind's in the whole world.....could we figure out the Riddle of the Universe together?Crikey!I think...i should try to consult some other beings from other world's to try & get some more insight into the mysteries of the Universe.....because people think they know it all.....through their own man-made inventions on religions....& science & so forth!What is beyond this world........What does the Universe contain in it's whole entity?Does it just expand forever into the void of eternal unexplored mysteries?There is no answer?If there was an answer......you would know....& if you knew you would be God?God know's?What is God?God can't be explained?Where is God?The Universe is God?No the Universe is the Universe?I think there is no answer to completely unravel the peels of the mystery from the Holy Question Mark....that has no Answer.....because there is no real question?What is real reality?Reality is surreally real or is it surreally real!Oh God!I'll be here forever......& i'll never figure it out....because i'm a fool on my L plates in this God forsaken organised chaos.....that could never be fully organised because there's too much to be organised!Anyway i better go....or else i'll never get away from God!I know.....God is it?What is It?Shit!It is shit!It's starting to shit me.....so piss off God....& go & anoy everybody else....because you're doing my head in!Go on.....nick off....or i'll call the police!Jesus!I can't get rid of you!You can't get rid of me either.....whether you like it or not......because if there is any such thing as God.....& God created me....& I am all with eternity.....that means...i can't be erased from the mind of God......because it.....remembers everything doesn't it?Okay....God...let's just forget each other & shake hands(if you have a hand)& get on with what we've got to do!Christ!There's so much to do!I could do things for ever!Never stop doing things.....never run out of things to do...because there's too much to do!Just do & do & do & do....!Christ!You've got alot on your plate to get through!Crikey!Mother Earth's put on a bit of weight!Shit.....she's getting unhealthy......perhaps she'll explode soon...& give birth to a new world?Crikey!Then i'd get wiped from existense.....would I?Who's I?Me,Myself & I?God...i can't get away from myself because i follow myself around wherever i go!I go everywhere i am!Maybe i should try to forget where i am?I can't escape from the world of eternity even....if lose myself on the physical plane!I'll always be there with me & everything else?With everything else together through the history,the future & the now of the infinate Universal Mind!Crikey!I can't finish this one off.....it cant be finished!Even if i stop typing soon......the story doesn't end there......this story is a story within stories of never ending stories that tell endless tales....that try to catch to tails of other story's trails......& so on & on & on they go...on & on they go & go on & on with no ending at all....until it all blends into the silence of nothingness!No i want noise!No silence is golden!No i want to play my trumpet!Oh go to Hell you gooOse!There's no such thing!Oh Crikey!What the heck....may as well do!Love Rumpel!
P.S."GooOsE"
Happy Everything

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh golly ol' my?I'm too embarrassed to ever do a show again now!I've really blown my own trumpet!I think my personal life is more of a show than my performance show!If i'm ever at a festival....please don't watch me as i might do a better job!The only problem is that i can't afford to stop!
I have the Worst Show on Earth......i guess that's what makes it a tiny little bit ok!After all this popycock....i've been rambling on about.....you'll be highly disappointed with your expectations....of seeing the GooOse in action.....as i'm really rough around the edges....& a master of failure!I'm surprised i've got by on all this nonsense!I honestly don't know how to do a show....even if i did?I'll just give myself another 1000 years & then i'll probably be ripe...enough to crack the formula!Cheeers & love to you all!
Crikey!It would be good to be on everyone's side in this World!How is it humanly possible for all of us to achieve this?Let's all unite with

[Rumpelstiltskin]

There was a Wild Card Gypsy Joker who disguised himself as a jester & fooled himself into a fool's fool & then transcended into fool after fool...in the Universal Trickster Cycle Of Fool 360 degrees!Crikey!The Fool Of Comedy Goes Fool Circ....as a shape-shifting...joke within a joke in the Great Riddle Of The Holy Question Mark! +

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Oh gosh!I'm back as the....fluffadelic,oddball,fruitloop magnet,fairy,pinball,jack-in-the-box,
op-shop,renaissance,junk scavenger,ancestral,astrological,
astronomical,mystical,imaginary,invisible,
tragic-comedy,surrealist,fashionable,
castley,troubador,witchy,hurdy-gurdy,
fortune-telling,gypsy,forest pixie,jungle,seasonal,Earth,Water,Air,
Fire,Sea,Under-Water,Time traveller,
role model,queenie,Oompah Loompah,Munchkin,Worzel Gumridge,Catweasel,Ratweasel,Tinker,
Tit Tat,minstrel,infinite,eternal,whatever,
thingimibob,thingamabob,thingamijig,rascal,
scrapeskate,scape-goat,ninnyhammer,
dunce-cap,village idiot,Mr Riddle Man,Screaming Lord OoopS,Mr Puniverse,Seargent Crikey,Mr Question Mark,Crikey,Gorblimey I Could Go On Forever Jester,Blooming everything jester,Laughing Stock Jester.....& Whatever Jester Of Jesters...& Etc Jester...& The Spectrum Of Everything Jester?That should broaden me up a bit.....or maybe i(The Fool)should transcend the jester....& be everything character?I want to experience eveything possible in the spectrum of the Universe...as an Immortal Being....going forwards & backwards & in the present times.....going through the perception of even a rooster's eyes etc if anything needs be?!Just Joking?By crikey!We're all just a freckle on the nose of time...so i guess...i have the opportunity to leave behind a golden freckle that marks the history of time....as soon as i spot it?Oh gosh...am i'm getting lost....in my own nonsense...how is one supposed to comprehend to this almost inexplicable reality of perceptions within dimensions....within dimensions...within this universe that turns intself inside out....outside in,eternally in the form of a figure 8 loop?
God....i've been living a bit in Limbo Land....scrambled eggs...living out of boxes & bags for years on end!Crikey!Is this the fate of a fool....forever going on this unpredictable bumpy ride of life....can't quite get stable?Ooops to go on about it....Gosh...if i had of spent as much time...as i have looking the Holy Can Of Asaparagus!Gorblimey!I'm a real GooOse!Perhaps should do a Meditation retreat for a couple of weeks sometime?Golly ol' gees...another 143 paragraphs coming up......!Gosh!How far can entertainment take you & how far can you take entertainment?It's like being in sea of uncertainty & surfing the energy waves of possibilities & landing upon the shores of opportunity!Gosh!I'm just a spring-chicken pixie-jester who has another 80 years to go....than it's time to hang up the pixie shoes when i'm 108!Then I'm resigning from the human race!It will be curtains!No it won't....i'll go on & metaphorphasize into a GooOse & carry the bauble onto the Eternal Troubador Jester who never resigns....because the spirit of the GooOse will shine through every archetype of everything throughout the existance of time itself?Every object,animal,insect,person will be "GooOsE!"Just joking?Gee's my jokes are getting worse!Am i going off the rails.....or...on the same rink....of the record that plays the same loop?Am i revealing the essence of a spun digit?Gorblimey!I better go now before go gets me!All the very best & cheeers by crikey!Happy Xmas...New Year & all & Crikey by jingles....it's 2001...just around the corner!Gosh....a space---Odyssesy!I'm going cyber.....will follow science religiously....& become a mutoid genetically engineered cyborg pixie,computer generated giraffe antennae....jelly fish,moss haired jester freak weasel!I will then clone myself & take over Oblivion....& then wake up & think "Crikey!I'm still in Nimbin after all these years!Is this a time warp or a mind warp?Then i'll wake up again...& again.....a dream within a dream.......until i find the real answer to reality....which probably won't make any sense at all?"
All the best & Cheeers!Rumpelstiltskin The Fool Of Comedy?P.S.Crikey!Let's all become master of our own destinies!P.S.Crikey+crikey+crikey =

[This message has been edited by Jim (edited 01-01-2002).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Do you want anymore?