Tweet
AIR FRANCE can go eat a bag of dicks.
Well, I just got home from Manchester, England on the worst flight of my life and I need to rant.
It all started right at the beginning when I got to the ticket counter to check my bags for the flight. When flying my show, I need to check three bags, all under the 22kg/50lb limit. I put the third bag on the scale and the woman looks at me with a straight face and says in her snootiest French accented English...
"Zat will be 120 pounds, sir."
---"What? Are you kidding? Is it overweight?"
"No, sir, the extra bag will cost you 120 British pounds. Zat is zee price for an extra bag."
---"Um, it said an extra bag was 150 US DOLLARS on your web site when I bought the ticket. I'm not paying 120 POUNDS for one bag."
"Well, zee price is 120 pounds today, sir. You do not have to pay it, but your bag weell not be on zee plane."
FUCK you, Air France. The cost of an extra bag on an international flight was pretty much universally $80 US dollars as recently as this past spring. This summer, that went up to about $150. (I paid $150 on KLM last week!) Air France charged me about $240 dollars yesterday. If there had been a post office in the terminal, I probably could have shipped the bag for half that. Bastards.
Also...
-- After being shaken down by the ticket lady, she told me my chosen seat (Row 15-J, window) was unavailable. (I chose that seat using Air France's online "Choose your seat" feature when I purchased the ticket a couple months ago.)
She said, "I'm sorry sir, zis is a totally full flight and your chosen seat is unavailable. We have two seats left: Row 43-middle and Row 44-middle. (Yes, these are the LAST two rows on the plane, by the toilets.) I showed her my confirmation with my seat number (15J) printed on it and she said, "Oh zat is just your 'requested' seat. It is not a confirmation. Would you prefer row 43 or 44?"
After I accepted seat 43-middle, I went to the gate and asked a different ticket person if there was anything else and she re-assigned me to Row 16-middle. (that was the most helpful Air France employee I encountered all day.)
-- At the gate, there were about 300 people waiting to board the wide-body A340 for the trans-atlantic flight. An announcement came over the intercom, (in French, of course) and about 70% of the people at the gate jumped up and sprinted to the queue. I had no idea what was going on. Once the line had formed, they announced in English, "We are now boarding."
What? Seriously? General boarding for 300 people? No back-to-front civilized, staggered boarding? Just French-first, non-ordered boarding. Nice touch, Air France.
-- After I got to my seat, (Row 16-middle) and everyone seemed seated, the flight attendant closed the door to the plane and I noticed one open seat in the row in front of me... Seat 15-J, by the window, was empty. That was my fucking REQUESTED seat from the beginning! I tried to call a flight attendant to ask if I could switch but before I could, a scruffy Frenchman hopped up from the row in front of me, looked both ways, and just went over and sat in it. Asshole.
-- Once the flight got underway, the French douche bag in front of me reclined his seat ALL the way back into my lap. (I've flown a lot of different airlines and I've actually never seen seats recline as far back as that seat did.) I felt like a dentist. His face was practically in my lap. It was almost comical, until I realized it was a seven hour flight and this guy was not going to budge. He had on his noise cancelling headphones and ignored my polite but firm, "Excuse me, sir" requests for his attention. He also did a fantastic job of ignoring my REPEATED, intentional kicking of the seat throughout the entire flight. At least he put the seat up for the meal after the flight attendant prodded him. (Of course, it went right back down afterwards.)
I will never fly on Air France again. I don't even want to visit France if I have to fly there. Fucking bastards.
On a positive note... the food tasted excellent on the plane (but unfortunately I've had diarrhea all morning.)
Vive le France!
It all started right at the beginning when I got to the ticket counter to check my bags for the flight. When flying my show, I need to check three bags, all under the 22kg/50lb limit. I put the third bag on the scale and the woman looks at me with a straight face and says in her snootiest French accented English...
"Zat will be 120 pounds, sir."
---"What? Are you kidding? Is it overweight?"
"No, sir, the extra bag will cost you 120 British pounds. Zat is zee price for an extra bag."
---"Um, it said an extra bag was 150 US DOLLARS on your web site when I bought the ticket. I'm not paying 120 POUNDS for one bag."
"Well, zee price is 120 pounds today, sir. You do not have to pay it, but your bag weell not be on zee plane."
FUCK you, Air France. The cost of an extra bag on an international flight was pretty much universally $80 US dollars as recently as this past spring. This summer, that went up to about $150. (I paid $150 on KLM last week!) Air France charged me about $240 dollars yesterday. If there had been a post office in the terminal, I probably could have shipped the bag for half that. Bastards.
Also...
-- After being shaken down by the ticket lady, she told me my chosen seat (Row 15-J, window) was unavailable. (I chose that seat using Air France's online "Choose your seat" feature when I purchased the ticket a couple months ago.)
She said, "I'm sorry sir, zis is a totally full flight and your chosen seat is unavailable. We have two seats left: Row 43-middle and Row 44-middle. (Yes, these are the LAST two rows on the plane, by the toilets.) I showed her my confirmation with my seat number (15J) printed on it and she said, "Oh zat is just your 'requested' seat. It is not a confirmation. Would you prefer row 43 or 44?"
After I accepted seat 43-middle, I went to the gate and asked a different ticket person if there was anything else and she re-assigned me to Row 16-middle. (that was the most helpful Air France employee I encountered all day.)
-- At the gate, there were about 300 people waiting to board the wide-body A340 for the trans-atlantic flight. An announcement came over the intercom, (in French, of course) and about 70% of the people at the gate jumped up and sprinted to the queue. I had no idea what was going on. Once the line had formed, they announced in English, "We are now boarding."
What? Seriously? General boarding for 300 people? No back-to-front civilized, staggered boarding? Just French-first, non-ordered boarding. Nice touch, Air France.
-- After I got to my seat, (Row 16-middle) and everyone seemed seated, the flight attendant closed the door to the plane and I noticed one open seat in the row in front of me... Seat 15-J, by the window, was empty. That was my fucking REQUESTED seat from the beginning! I tried to call a flight attendant to ask if I could switch but before I could, a scruffy Frenchman hopped up from the row in front of me, looked both ways, and just went over and sat in it. Asshole.
-- Once the flight got underway, the French douche bag in front of me reclined his seat ALL the way back into my lap. (I've flown a lot of different airlines and I've actually never seen seats recline as far back as that seat did.) I felt like a dentist. His face was practically in my lap. It was almost comical, until I realized it was a seven hour flight and this guy was not going to budge. He had on his noise cancelling headphones and ignored my polite but firm, "Excuse me, sir" requests for his attention. He also did a fantastic job of ignoring my REPEATED, intentional kicking of the seat throughout the entire flight. At least he put the seat up for the meal after the flight attendant prodded him. (Of course, it went right back down afterwards.)
I will never fly on Air France again. I don't even want to visit France if I have to fly there. Fucking bastards.
On a positive note... the food tasted excellent on the plane (but unfortunately I've had diarrhea all morning.)
Vive le France!
What the heck 
Comment