When I die

[jester]

When I was small, a monkey got loose in a zoo in Malasia and came too close to us children. My mother dealt with this by grabbing the monkeys arm and swinging it around. My mother turned on the spot and continued to turn, too scared to let go of the monkey who reciprocated the fear.

Eventually, after the zoo keepers had made lots of noise too, my mother let go and the monkey was retrieved after it had shot several yards along the pavement. I remember my Dad being very impressed because the monkey was bigger than I was and I was walking quite well by then...

I can't actually remember this, but my parents told me this tale, every time I asked if we could have a monkey for a pet...

[Peter Voice]

I was doing a gig at Melb. zoo one day in the early 90's and had about 100 kids having a great time. It was not long after the much lauded opening of a beautiful new butterfly and insect enclosure.
A wild butterfly flew across the site and I yelled to every-one "Aaagh, quick look something's escaped, run for cover!" The kids thought it was hysterical but the zoo staff member came up to me and said "Oh, don't worry we caught it."

It turned out that a female madrill had got loose only 15 mins. before.

[Rachel Peters]

I do have a friend who seriously injured herself by falling off of a toilet. She's 89 years old and has an amazing sense of humour. ...I think you'd have to if you going around breaking hips by falling off of toilets.
She also hurt herself in a cemetary once, when she and her husband were laying flowers at his late wife's grave. On her way back to the car she tripped over nothing and damaged her hip again... To this day she swears up and down that his first wife tripped her.

[Lynneski]

I already faked my own death. I turned 40.

[jester]

Lynneski

In all of the years you have posted on this site I have yet to see evidence of life....

[ALAKAZAM]

How about a gravestone that simply says
"I told you i was sick"
AL

[jester]

Spike Milligan.

"I told you I was Ill" is the famous words on the gravestone of Spike Milligan who made the joke about 60 years ago. The Goonshow.. what a laugh.

Spike Milligan who once listened to Prince Charles sing his praises before presenting him with an award, took the award and thanked the prince for his kind words by saying: "creep!"

[Rachel Peters]

Oh Sweet Mother of Mine.

My Mom just brought me left over, fancy, finger funeral sandwiches. ...from someone's funeral.

I think of death with every sweet, egg salady bite I take.

I hope my death tastes like egg salad.

Or better yet, like deviled eggs.

...something involving eggs, anyway.

[unklesteve]

[Mr.Taxi Trix]

nice.

[martin ewen]

Snuggling in death

I've given it all together too much thought. I want an open cask with a pie in the face. I then wish to be cremated but still buried. A grave dug and a small brightly coloured clown vehicle inserted then buried. From the buried vehicle to somewhere conveniently close to the surface would be placed a tube where ashes could be deposited. As more and more clowns die if it is their wish their ashes can be added down into the vehicle and their names added to the tombstone which would have some sort of picture of the car in its glory attached. I would additionally have USB memory sticks built into the tombstone such that you could download copies of work done by the various dead clowns within.
I can hardly wait!

[Lee Nelson]

we should start a collective fund to help pay for that.
Its for the good of the world!!

[unklesteve]

Originally posted by Lee Nelson
we should start a collective fund to help pay for that.
Its for the good of the world!!

What is? Dead clowns?

*rimshot*

Thanks, I'll be here all week!

:P

S

[Mr.Taxi Trix]

accompli

"Death was just Nature's way of killing him."

[Mr.Taxi Trix]

accompli

Dan, with due respect to your new thread, here are a bunch compiled so far. You are right to think this bunch would come up with some good ones.