When I die

[Mr.Taxi Trix]

I want an open casket. But I want to have my body stuffed for the occasion, and crouched behind the casket, giving the finger, with my eyebrows high, looking up so viewers searching for the body will look over the empty casket, and find me there, with an expression that says "Surprised?"

[Rachel Peters]

I almost became a taxidermist. I could have provided that service. ..."TAXIdermy".

When I die, I want my grave stone to say, "I had the right of way!!"

[jester]

Why don't you just fake your own death, invite all to your funeral and adopt that position....

[Stretch]

I don't want to be folded . . .

When I die, do I special order an extra long casket, or just let my legs and feet stick out the end?

[Pyromancer]

I want to burn for the very last time.

[jester]

I died, I did, many many slow deaths...

I don't want to die....

[Stephon]

I'd like to be processed, rolled and smoked by all my friends

[Peter Voice]

When I die, I want to be stuffed, painted black and mounted on a tall unicycle.
Ooops, hang on, somebody already does that.

[Lee Nelson]

i died today in Kyoto
its overrated, no one cared!!!


why you so morbid Karl??? Freemasons want their place back!

lee

[Mr.Taxi Trix]

I doubt if I rate this, but hey, who the hell are they to refuse a dying man's request? I'd like a parade. With at least two midgets, preferably spinning fire poi, a couple of stilt walkers, one tall unicyclist, a couple of drummers, and yes, Rachel, Monkeys.

[pablo]

Wam bam thank you...

When I die, I'd like to go out with a bang...

Preferably in a five-star hotel suite with a bottle of Jose Cuervo Gold in one hand, a La Gloria Cubana cigar in the other hand, and Salma Hayek - or someone who very closely resembles her - on top of me with a rose between her teeth.

The unembellished life is not worth living.

[Rachel Peters]

A few weeks ago I took a short cut through a pretty cemetary.

Do you ever have those moments when you step back for a bit, mentally, and think... "Huh. This is an odd place to find myself on a sunny, spring day"?

I realized after a while that I had stopped, and was standing over a grave that looked like it had sunk -- as if the casket had collapsed and the earth just sunk down. It wasn't a freshly dug grave, because the sunken earth was grassy, and the grave stone (which had also slid, with the earth, down into the pit) was marked as 2002.
So, I realized that I had been standing over that grave for about 10 or 15 minutes, when all I meant to do was to cut through on my way to the subway station.
All the time, a song was stuck in my head, and I couldn't rememeber how it had gotten there.
I was standing over a sunken grave, with my brain singing, "What Can You Do With a Drunken Sailor."

It was an odd place to find myself on a sunny, spring day.


(Taxi, I appreciate that you want monkeys at your funeral. That's one funeral I will definately be crashing. I hope they'll be in costume.)

[Rachel Peters]

It might be entertaining to die in a way that nobody can help but laugh at.

Like falling off a toilet and then being eaten by a pig.

[jester]

I don't want to die like this...

Speaking as one of the few people here that has ever had a monkey live in his house....

I don't want to die of being monkied to death at Taxis funeral for Rachels amusement. If I do die that way, then I want a procession with Rachel at the front and human eating pigs in pursuit close behind her...

[Peter Voice]

We had a monkey, a languor, when I lived in Sri Lanka where they are often kept as "snake alarms".
When we first got her she was young, cute and immediately adopted me as her guardian. Three years later she was fully grown, about 25 kilos(50-60lbs) and had canines longer and sharper than any leopard.
While she was totally affectionate to me and quite comfortable with other males, she was a serious danger to women, particularly anyone I showed any attention to. I later found out that mobs of wild languars kill more people in Sri Lanka than snakes, leopards, tigers and elephants put together. They are ground dwellers and mobs of upto a hundred settle in grasslands to sleep during the heat of the day. The deaths usually happen when some villager takes a shot cut through a field and blunders in amongst them. They literally tear the victim apart.

She usually had the freedom of my bungalow, the yard surrounding it and had an enclosed run through the yard of the guest house and restaurant and would fly into screaming fits when a snake entered the area. She would also do the same if I bought a woman home and had several of my friends absolutely terrified of her.

When the civil war broke out and things got ugly, I gave her to a friend (she liked) who worked in the US Embassy. I last saw her on his shoulders, clinging to his helmet as he rode off on his Harley.

Being monkeyed to death would definitely not be pretty but carnivorous pigs don't sound much better.