pick-up lines

[Rachel Peters]

Please humour me -- I've been thinking of lame pickup lines for weeks. For some reason I'm stuck on it. Painters have, like, "landscape periods" or "blue periods" -- I'm going through a "bad pick-up lines" period.

Does anybody have bad lines that they've actually gotten (or given?)

Not dirty, just cheesy, or lame.
And not "you've been running through my mind all day" stuff you've heard on tv or read on the internet. I'd love to hear some real situations and stories.

[martin ewen]

there a thread on it

Be careful with this one
it got me married,
"Excuse me I couldn't help noticing you exhibiting signs of vapid boredom with this social setting, I'm guessing your tedium stems from the fact that you have been bred as an object and can't spot a buyer in your price range possibly coupled with the fact that your cavernously empty mind is sort of scary when theres no-one to distract you from it. Perhaps we could cooperate and I'll do and say things that will at least be vaguely distracting while I pursue my own agenda which is a hardwired
disposition to increase the species, you have to admit that even being in public and appearing available sort of brands you as a bit desperate but the good news is I am too and thats the sort of basis that all the best relationships are based, did you know antoney and cleopatra met at a bar? Could you buy me a drink? Do you own a car or house or anything? Do you have any younger sisters?"

[jester]

Someone I know actually said, to a drunk girl he had persuaded to slow dance with him at a college disco.


"Don't you find these vulgar college functions help satisfy a socio-sexual need."

The girl was so impressed she used the line on an advert for the summer ball. At the time her answer was:

"I came here for a bop you boring twat!"

[Rachel Peters]

Martin -- you big fat liar. Funny. But, you big fat lair! I'll try to memorize it for when I feel like getting married.

I was thinking through my own personal experiences and realized that they are sparse. It may be a combination of things that make me think I've rarely been hit on.
1. I'm very, very dense. It takes something rediculously blatant to make me realize that he's not just "a very friendly guy". I think that part of my brain is perpetually the 14 year old girl who looks like a boy and is every guy's best buddy. I couldn't see a pick-up line (directed at me) if it were dressed in fun fir pants, rainbow suspenders, giant novelty glasses, and a "no fat chicks" t-shirt. I'm just dumb.
2. I believe I probably give off a bit of a "keep your distance" vibe to a lot of guys, which generally makes the guys who might of otherwise hit on me, well, keep their distance. Maybe it's the punching, kicking, and clawing out their eyes. ...I don't know. Maybe I should stop that.
3. I don't go to places where people go to use lines. I went with some friends to a dance club once, but soon realized that simply making eye contact with a young fellow in a club translates into, "I absolutely want to bear your children!" I spent the evening looking at the floor.

Some of the occassions I did recognize and can remember, were just plain insulting... and that's probably why I remembered them. That sucks.

Here are two that I can think of:

"...I'm just saying, I've barked up a lot of trees in my day, but I've never barked up yours. So.... whatdya think?"

"You know, back when we were kids, never in a million years would I have ever imagined that I'd be attracted to you now."

Needless to say, they didn't work.

The good ones -- some I've picked up on, but I'm sure some efforts have been lost to my impairment. ...at least, I hope that there were more than just those few that I remember.

as far as me giving bad lines... I probably have. but if I had known they were bad, I wouldn't have said them. I can't remember.

-rp

[Rachel Peters]

golly

i just took a look at what I posted. that sure sounded miserable. I hope someone else posts some funny lines, just so the thread doesn't die on that sad note.

[scot]

I've written a lot of them. one that kinda fits what you're looking for is...
"They say that the eyes are the window to the sole. I don't care about your sole, I just want to look in your windows."

[Peter Voice]

Some-one with a foot or fish fetish may be interested in her sole and you can get arrested for looking in girls' windows.

[jester]

Originally posted by Peter Voice
Some-one with a foot or fish fetish may be interested in her sole and you can get arrested for looking in girls' windows.

yeah but armed with lines like that you'll be able to smooth talk your way through and lady police officer...

[Rachel Peters]

I know that my eyes are a window to my fish.

[Peter Voice]

You mean you look like a pair of fish bowls?

[Rachel Peters]

...we're still talking about eyes, right?

[Stephon]

maybe. . .

[Rachel Peters]

Originally posted by Stephon
maybe. . .

so then there's a CHANCE that we're still talking about eyes. ...phew. ok, good. I'll go with that.

My old roommate once held a "Social Conventions, Schmocial Conventions" party, where she encouraged people (more people than the apartment could hold -- t'was a great evening) to come as they wanted, and break whatever social conventions -- whatever "norms"-- they had always wanted to shed for an evening. I think the only rule was that no laws be broken, ie: be clothed. We also provided costumes at the door for those who couldn't think of anything.
One person was, at one point, eating squishy, goo-filled cake with just their hands, someone else licked food and passed it on to the person next to them, and friend Darren took the opporunity to sit in the washroom for a good half-hour, making sure no one else would want to use that washroom for the rest of the evening. (there's a reason we've only had this party once) ...my friend, Tim, decided to come that evening as the "Close Talker" and "Inappropriate Toucher". He would walk up to me --standing directly over me, just inches away, so his chest was in my face-- and talk with his hand on my shoulder or creepy soft-touches on the arm...
I think that party was the opportunity of his life. When else will he ever have an excuse like that??
And I deserved it. He had been the target of my inappropriate everything for years.
I'm sure there were some bad, fake pick-up lines involved, but all I can remember is the creepy soft-touch.

-rp

[mini mansell]

would this line ever work?

hi.... my name's Mini. i don't go to college and i live with my parents. i work a minumum wage job and have no interest in changing my life. The most precious thing to me is my cheap ass toy of a car. i like to drink because i screwed up every last chance with my ex-girlfriend. i mean, i only called her a bitch, fat ass, and whore. i still don't know why she doesn't like me. most likely, i'll grow up to be some piece of WHITE trash who is passed up by all my private school friends. a DRUNKEN LOSER, with no real friends to buy me alcohol for my habit when i hit ROCK BOTTOM. hmm.... would you want to date me?

[Rachel Peters]

Oh! I totally forgot about this one...

Try it sometime, Mini! Keep me updated on how it works.


I forgot about one! I was out with the same old roommate once when a man approached us and asked,
"Excuse me, do you two have a lesbian relationship?"
I responded, "First of all, that was highly inappropriate and none of your business. Second of all, no."
Him -- "Wow, don't bite my head off! ...Well, anyway, in that case," (turns to my friend) "what are you doing later?"

That was weird.

(Same guy to same girl -- "You work for Toyota? Have I told you how beautiful your hair is?")