Martin Kicks Arse

[firegirl]

Re: just for the record.

Originally posted by martin ewen
I know chance reads these boards most days, and personally I think its unfair to him to include him in a way that infers he's anywhere as unbalanced (or unbalanced at all)as what we have here today.

fair enough... i just am recalling from the summer of 2002 this really harsh thread betwixt the two of you...

my bad, chance... i don't know you - so i shouldn't reference you in that manner.

consider it removed.

[jester]

Of course they were insults. That was in response to your little strop. You cannot pretend that you came on this thread with all innocence and grace.

You are a parrot. Squawk!

[firegirl]

YOU CONTRIDICT YOURSELF...

Originally posted by jester
Of course they were insults.

but, you said not two posts ago:

Originally posted by jester
...i have not sought to insult you on this board...

let's get something straight here:
i am neither insulted nor, amused by your pathetic attempts to put me in my place... i am not mortally wounded by your mediocre comebacks... i am not sitting here fuming because you've bested me... because YOU HAVEN'T.

and, YOU WON'T.

why? because, i have more than two functioning brain cells (and, yours seem to be at war with each other or on vacation) and don't have an unhealthy obsession with someone who doesn't give a shit about me...


i am a parrot? what the fuck, dude? that is the lamest thing anyone has said to me in a long time. the middle school kids i *used to* teach come up with better insults than that...

i came on this thread because the title interested me. at first, i was mildly amused by some of your barbs & thought martin's replies would provide me with "laughing so hard that coffee came out my nose" moments... eric is a friend of mine & i like watching him destroy the weak and hapless... and, peter voice and ettienne are people who've i enjoyed conversing with over the years...

i came on this thread to be amused.

in general: i am a gracious individual - i can find good in ANYONE. ask people who know me... the most idiotic, drama causing people in the world are drawn to me - because, even though they annoy the piss out of me and often bore me to tears; when all the buskers gather and start to make fun of them i'm the one standing up going... "oh, come on - that's too harsh... blah, blah, blah is a good person... give them a break."

because i'm NICE, damn-it.

prior to this morning i have held my tongue and only offered praise for the funny stuff or agreement for the portions where I ACTUALLY AGREED WITH WHAT THE PERSON WAS SAYING.

because, I'M NICE.

but - you drive that right out of everyone, don't you?

gah!

it's like talking to a brick wall...

jester - if you're going to insult me - please, please come up with something which will ACTUALLY MAKE ME LAUGH. parrot? come on, dude... i am all about laughing at myself & a good insult shouldn't make me scratch my head and go "huh?"

geeze.

come on funny boy - IMPRESS ME.

[martin ewen]

I forgot all about pacing.

12-26 offers congrats.
12-31 back to the bleat.

You know I thought the congrats thing was an olive branch. but it was just another chance to start a thread.
Still game on then.
I see I'm going to have to ration myself.
Else it gets boring for our readers.
You post enough on a daily basis to give me all the material i need.
Stay tuned for tomorrows episode of...
'If it jangles...kill it.'
or maybe
'For whom the bell tolls.'
or
'Auntie Lurkevia's guide to jesting etiquette.'
or
'How to live with the volume knob.'
other suggestions willingly accepted.

[Doctor Eric]

"What we have here is a lone monkey with a broken leg convinced he can write shakespeare by stabbing randomly at the keys hoping that he'll statistically hit the jackpot before his 999 co-workers come back from exercise period."

And that's why I don't !@#? with Martin.

[Magrat2005]

just thought I'd let you guys know, I aint going nowhere just yet!!! and firegirl, I dont think Martin needs you to fight his battles, he can do it himself, and he doesnt need you to pick him off the floor and lick his wounds, he can do that himself as well and still come back fighting....so bugger off someplace else if this is getting to you and boring you, and why the hell do you keep coming back for more if it does?

[Doctor Eric]

Catfight!!

[Magrat2005]

Eric, get it right...Bitchfight!!!

[Doctor Eric]

Not until Jester get's involved.

[Magrat2005]

Eric...

why does jesta have to be involved? I can bitchfight with anyone I want to, including you

[jester]

I attempt to entertain and dilute your almost overwhelming lack of humour.

Thank You Martin. You do a fantastic job.

You mean I'm a fellow monkey? I thought I was the organ grinder.

Sorry about my contradictory statement Firegirl, it's a chronology thing. The word "never" was incorrect.
I am very impressed with your replies. See you don't have to do that repeating the highlights of the last verbal attack crap. You are your own spokesperson.

The congratulations thing might be an Olive Branch Martin. But I hope you don't ever want to stop this. Have you any idea how much funnier you are than BBC3 (I can't afford a sattelite dish)?

The spitting on the coat thing obviously had very serious undertones but I'm exploring it and getting out of my system. I want to do some comedy about it, but I have to deal with the demons first. And sometimes when I'm on this thread I feel like the kid in the parker.

Sorry mate, but a lot of what I said about bullying was true, I had to see what you would say. I mean perhaps I was a little harsh, but the social dynamics are definately here in the wordy world. The interesting thing was that when it got ugly, the omega men showed up right on cue, and literally queued up to have a little kick at the loser.

I have not had such an invigorating time for ages. Might be the endorphines from my leg (I don't do pain killers if I can possibly help it) might just be my love of winding people up.

Might be that I'm on the other side of the Atlantic and you can't actually spit that far. (My mum actually bought me a puffer coat for christmas.. I mean it is literally begging to be gobbed on.)

Anyway, who needs shakespeare, he nicked all his best lines from his actors during workshops... Hmmm, theres an idea.

There really was a point to this thread and it more than served it's purpose. And I can't apologise for that, but there is a joke which is difficult to explain, it all depends on the angle you come in from.

I laugh every time I read it. And I have never read a thread over and over as much this one.

[firegirl]

Originally posted by Magrat2005
and firegirl, I dont think Martin needs you to fight his battles...

no, darling - i wasn't fighting martin's battles for him. i was fighting my own battles. i was tired of passive agressive insults being directed at me by jester - being accused of failing to give my own opinion and acting like a parrot, i decided to weigh in with what i was thinking.

and, speaking of fighting battles... you would do well to take your own advice. the thread of comments betwixt myself and mr. jester being no concern of yours. considering the email responses i've gotten to my writing i'd say my statement that jester is a windbag (in far more many words) with little imagination for insults is held by many more people than just me.

and, again - i go back to the "poking buttons with a sharp stick" theory of why anyone replies to jester... with the possiable exception of... you.

you may be the only person more attention starved on this thread than jester.

WAILS: "Would you miss me if I left? WAAAAAAH!"

anyhow.

neither here not there.
peace, love and fuzzy bunnies to you -
k

[Magrat2005]

Originally posted by firegirl
no, darling - i wasn't fighting martin's battles for him. i was fighting my own battles. i was tired of passive agressive insults being directed at me by jester - being accused of failing to give my own opinion and acting like a parrot, i decided to weigh in with what i was thinking.

and, speaking of fighting battles... you would do well to take your own advice. the thread of comments betwixt myself and mr. jester being no concern of yours. considering the email responses i've gotten to my writing i'd say my statement that jester is a windbag (in far more many words) with little imagination for insults is held by many more people than just me.

and, again - i go back to the "poking buttons with a sharp stick" theory of why anyone replies to jester... with the possiable exception of... you.

you may be the only person more attention starved on this thread than jester.

WAILS: "Would you miss me if I left? WAAAAAAH!"

anyhow.

neither here not there.
peace, love and fuzzy bunnies to you -
k

1- dont you ever 'darling' me again
2-Jesta's aguements are no business of yours, so if you can stick your nose in where it dont belong, so can I
3-you would not believe the amount of emails I've had, saying I should kick you arse why...
4-cuz your a fucking parrot, I have never know anybody so childish as to sit on Martins shoulders repeating the key words of his insults
5-as for attention starved, the fire isn't in my act, it's in the eyes of my audience


Love, and Peace and Whatever

Magrat

[Doctor Eric]

a match made in heaven

Wow, someone actually came up with a retort even more irrelevant, incoherent, and asinine than Jester. You two deserve each other.

[firegirl]

YOU TWIT

what the hell does the fact that i do fire in my show have to do with any of this?

DARLING.

give me a break. when did arguments on the p.net disseminate into these non-sensical bs things which i have been reading as of late? nothing... i repeat N-O-T-H-I-N-G that either you or jester (that's JESTER, not "jesta..." that's BECAUSE, not "cuz" -- your inability to use language belies your intelligence, dear) has said to me has made a whit's bit of sense.

i feel like an old crochety woman sitting on the porch of life saying this next thing... but, what the hell:

i remember back in my day when the arguments on p.net were actually INTERESTING and MADE SENSE... and the insults were brutal. i actually know individuals who were made to CRY by things which were said to them on p.net.

this crap is just...

lame.

lame.

emails stating you should kick my ass? you're so full of shit that your eyes are brown, darling. remind me again of why you are involved in this? is jester your boyfriend or something? maybe he's not the only one with a sicko fixation around here... i see you bowing, scraping, kissing jesters ass all over the place. perhaps you two should go be alone on a thread of your own. tell me, magrat - WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PURPOSE in this thread?

except to feebly try to stir up more trouble.

but, again - we have a case of someone who's last two existing brain cells are at war with each other.

you accuse me of being a parrot for martin? wrong. i have QUOTED individuals (including martin) in some of my replies to this thread - as a CITATION (in case you're unfamiliar with that term - my english challenged friend - that is a form of proper REFERENCE in writing) when stating the fact that i agree with what was said. or, when i have thought what was said was amusing.

i further have expressed lots of opinions of my own - in particular that jester is an unfunny idiot who is obsessed with martin.

but, i would now like to amend that to read:

JESTER IS AN UNFUNNY IDIOT WHO IS OBSESSED WITH MARTIN; AND, MAGRAT IS AN UNFUNNY IDIOT WHO IS OBSESSED WITH JESTER.

which is sadder?

think about it.