Pudding Theory

[jester]

Yes well look at who started the thread. This one is the beardies party and in a minute he's going to get the kareoke machine out and sing Simon and Garfunkel to the guests who he has strapped to the chairs....


There is no escape.. I've got Shirley Basseys greatest hits to croon through too. At least the other beardies can play their own guitars...

[Butterfly Man]

I thought Gazzo & I had that covered.

Do I sense some bad blood here?

P.S. What's a "beardy"? You Brits are so quaint with your language.

[Famos Bramwells]

Not yet Robert, but hey anything to keep the boards entertaining. To be honest I am about to have a lot of free time on my hands so I am going to need something to entertain me during these cold winter evenings so perhaps a feud with someone I know nothing about could be just what the doctor ordered. And to not have the word beardie in your language is surely a sad thing which should be sorted. I wonder what your equivalent would be?

[Cybele]

Ask Martin.

If it's an insult, he knows it, AND several nine- or ten-letter synonyms.

[martin ewen]

loin girder

"ask martin"

Please don't. I enjoy sitting up here on top of my mountain with the wind whistling favourably through my 'Beard' insulting passing clouds and God. He/she/it is so easily riled. I keep suggesting He/she/it change its name to 'Inappropriate Behaviour' (Most hymns improve, try it!)
My threadbare sackcloth offers little warmth and so I insult the chill and it leaves.
This thread is cosy fireside banter with the occasional witty left hook, the participants feet are propped on inflatable poofs (or is that poufs-damn leaving school at 16)
Rather than any well earthed martial stance.
Who needs me?
Who indeed.
Hardly even I.
By the way, my girlfriend just had an 8lb cyst removed along with the organ it was attached to.
Bet your girlfriends can't do that.
So please don't come looking for readymade cut and paste bile from my house.
Instead take some anti-nausea medication and a mirror and a good hard look at yourself, write down your impressions and project/ transfer.
The more you hate yourself the better you can hate others.
Thats all the wisdom you're getting now get orf my land.

[jester]

I meant what I said about the Kareoke machine.... Be warned Famos, I have bored far more resilient performers than yourself to death on these boards before.

[Lynneski]

I can testify to that.

[jester]

That's an oxymoron - I thought I had killed you long ago.

[Peter Voice]

Come on guys, this thread is supposed to be about pudding.
I come here looking for a recipe for something part fruit, part nuts and dripping with brandy-soaked sauce, only to find you.

OK, OK.

So where's the cream?

[Doctor Eric]

If I was your mother, I'd have hung myself.

You know Jester, your momentary flashes of conscience are what really horrify me.
What leaves my poor, uneducated mind twisting in the wind is the fact that you're AWARE that you frivolously waste each and every breath granted to you by a far more generous (or maybe just wickedly cruel) god than I could ever be, and yet you still haven't leapt from the tallest overpass available.

Do you have a car? How about a garden hose? Maybe you could use all that time that you spend forming disjointed asinine opinions that no one cares about thinking up clever ways to off yourself in a public and financially gainful manner.

Trust me, it's worth the effort, you're stupid enough to piss off a dolphin. And yet you continue to blithely suck valuable air through your teeth, and in England, air and teeth are commodities that shouldn't be wasted.

Maybe I'll feel differently when I sober up, but that'll probably be a few weeks...

Merry !?@#ing Christmas.

[jester]

If you was my mother I'd help you.

Dr Eric

You know abusive comedy is a very difficult art to pull off. You've got the bit where I don't actually feel threatened off to a fine tee, it's just the comedy bit that needs a lot of work.

Do you still own a gun? If it is real please hand it in to the nearest authority figure and ask your social worker to remove all sharp objects from your hovel.

I hope you have a fantastic hangover.

[Doctor Eric]

You're right, there's a fine line between abusive comedy and just flat out abuse. Luckily for me and my fragile ego, I wasn't joking. Plus, you know very well my firearms are going nowehere; I 'm much more comfortable stroking my piece whilst perched buck-naked in the bay window in my top-floor "hovel" with the panoramic view of San Francisco.

Say Goodnight Jester.

[Peter Voice]

That's better! Some twisted spotted dick with crusty yorkshire.

Is tapoica a dance?

[jester]

Show me the pics

Okay doc, show me the pics with your panoramic view of San Francisco - but you don't have to prove the naked bit.

My house has got quite a view too. On a clear night you can see the moon.

Oh and funnily enough, I did once leap from the tallest overpass in my city at it's highest point... and wouldn't ya know it.. I survived. It just hurt so much I decided not to do it twice.

And I've been struck by lightening, hit by a bus, and survived connection to the DC Mains 230V in Germany (my left hand didn't survive completely in tact, but I can still type faster than you can think).

However, I don't fancy my chances with your peice so I'll stay away from San Francisco.

[Lynneski]

Originally posted by jester
I thought I had killed you long ago.

With *that* little thing? Please.