RANT HERE

[Ivan Bellari]

the butterflyman prophecies....

was it worth it....

you know.. i've never seen butterflyman perform..

ohhhh, but i've heard stories, and read his posts, been to his webpage.... i like the joke about the hat .... a good hat joke is golden....

personally...

i've had knives on strings thrown at my face, a million heat blisters on my hands, face, head, arms , cuts, scrapes, nicks. blisters on my feet, back problems , fuel poisoning , aches, pain....

all that was minor...

compared to the constant losers i've dealt with ... most were firebug freaks, some were wannabe performers... some were people who just needed attention... people trying to tear me down so thay can feel tall....

but..

i've met some damn cool people too.. and seen some great performances, and had some amazing performances...

... it's a good run...

when it ends i'll decide if it's worth it... all the choices i've made ... the time healing versus the time feeling (you know the feeling if you ever hit all the marks and had the payoff)....

but i think what i decide, whatever anyone decides in the end... i don't think it's really up to me to decide if how i spend this time is worth it.....

they decide... however long people talk about what i've done in public eye, and i guess in private... not a public pool like the "idol" contests... no real "votes"


just a few people who remember...

then again...

there was a girl who hung herself.. not too long ago.. a sweet girl .. by all accounts ... she thought she had no friends.... the voices in her head told her so ... i know this because i read her blog fairly often... surprisingly everyone who actually knew her saw it coming.. just not so soon... at her memorial the church was full... the viewing galleries full... people filled the hallways... crowded outside the building... a chorus of sadness... i didn't attend as crowds make me nervous.... the girl who thought she had no friends...

was it worth it....

none of the survivors to her death think so ....

and again....

a performer who quit the job to do something else... is constantly missed by the people who came often to see him... talking of the way he did the things he did.. laughing at his antics ... sharing the fun and happiness .... reliving the silliest moments of the time he did one thing or another...or the moments when they were amazed at something that seemed ethereal.... magical....

was it worth it....

all of the people who asw him perform think so ....


when the last torch goes out for me i think i'll let the people who saw me perform decide if it was worth it...

i think they will be less critical than I ...

..... if i put aside my over-inflated opinion of myself and ignore those who scratch at my image .... balance how i felt against how i feel... alot of what i have experienced/will experience... can be achieved through so many other things.... but a few grains only come with performing .... and they are precious...


but .. i've never seen butterflyman perform...

mmmm but i think i'd like to ...very much

[martin ewen]

Well said Ivan...
I feel a diatribe coming on. I'll try and sit on it but eventually It'll probably escape much like putreficient gasses from one of the floating corpses in my autopsy lab of a mind
(wear a mask)

[Peter Voice]

I just thought it would be a good idea to take Trevor off the top of the thread list.

PS. Accountants seriously piss me off.

[Rachel Peters]

It seems that every time I do my laundry, no matter how many times I check the pockets or clear the lint trap, my clothes ALWAYS come out with magical hunks of kleenex clumped to them. Not just little lint spots, but HUNKS of ground in tissue stuff. I'm considering designing a kind of cloth that just looks like wads of spin-cycled Kleenex, so I don't have to worry about it.
I also refuse to own white socks now. I prefer socks that are more of a dirt colour.

I'm always hungry. Always. I go to sleep at night thinking about what I'm going to eat in the morning. ...Yesterday I had an odd feeling in my stomach. Then I realized it was the momentary feeling of not being hungry. I'm always hungry. Maybe I'm going through a growth spirt. Hopefully upward, rather than outward.

aaaaaaaaaand I'm done ranting for today.

Thank you for your time.

Trees are pretty, I have food in the fridge, and my Dad told me he thinks I'm smart. It's a good day.

[Rachel Peters]

eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww

I faintly recall (about three days ago) being in the kitchen, having my hands full of food, and sticking a slice of individually wrapped processed cheese in the left butt pocket of my cargo pants because it was easier than carrying it.

...I've been wearing those pants for three days.

...sitting often.

I just reached into that pocket to try to figure out why my left butt cheek felt so squishy all the time.

ew.

Nothin' like a good, warm slice of pants cheese.

ew.

[martin ewen]

Home to lick my wounds.

i just got reprimanded on a thread on another site for this and I apologised and pulled it.
But you guys don't have the same rules (which are required if you want to still discuss things rationally with people of different political stripes)
and i'm still fuming a bit so you can just put up with it

As I understand it the only thing standing between the "coagulation of the willing' and it's being at least technically prosecuted under both the Geneva and Nuremberg precedences for waging a war of aggression (I say technically because the States have withdrawn from most internationally agreed justice systems out of what again appears to be nothing more than political expediency) is the wording of the UN resolution that includes the words Serious consequences.

Perhaps the UN has now expired as a convenient imperial crutch and should be dismembered to traumatize further those on the left who still hope there's an end to this.

In real political terms the USA can do what it wants, wage war under any pretext it deems fit, starve, expel the UN, but with power comes responsibility, Iraq is a disaster, a vast unarguable majority of Americans are disenfranchised politically. Its national deficit has reached Dada proportions. It's mainstream media is dead as an objective force. Its democratic process is a sham and the supportive minority of the present administration have nothing left to do but flail about self righteously at the grievous sins of others. Anything to keep the demons of self reflection at bay.

Lets all talk again about how we're disappointed that we couldn't commit the same atrocities on a terrorist, you know, carve him up with a knife,while filming, that he did to one of ours. That was on these threads by one of our noble right wing knuckle grazers earlier today.

Madbadanddangeroustoknow, isn't it amazing that you fully expect to be taken seriously when you name yourself after something that any rational person would defensively shoot rather than listen to.

I'm astonished at your stupidity even just in a marketing sense.

Isn't reality wonderful when you can revisit those moments when you used to torture animals as a child and bring them into your life as a rightwing armchair political commentator.

If I were, as a left wing individual, to allow myself the unfettered ill discipline and right wing calculated antagonism that laughably passes for political discourse in this country I would be sorely tempted to suggest concentration camps for a great portion of the piffling minority and its supporters that cling to power.

It would have to be done for the good of America of course.

Bush was a cheerleader and it would seem the greater number his dittoheads find comfort in repeated meaningless chanting.
I just worry who the coach actually is.

As disgusted as I may be, i refuse to become disengaged which is i suspect the real motivation behind the shrill cacophony of cowards living vicariously through armed forces bleeding and dieing on their behalves.
For what.
end rant

[jester]

I'm not particularly left wing.. but I think I agree with everything that Martin just said.

I have been very disturbed by the media circus, the parading of a terrorists dead body on film, the undisguised delight in the death of this terrorist by world leaders..

Okay he was a bad man. A good man would always regret and never rejoice in the death of a bad man. It is not a cause for celebration, it is a grim and trajic consequence of whoevers actions, whoever it is to blame.

His death will probably be about as useful to Iraqui stability as the toppling of the last regime....

[martin ewen]

As martins gently and hetrosexually rests his tired head in jesters lap

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[Rachel Peters]

no ties to canada

Well, Kudos to the US border boys for cracking down and not letting the threatening German juggler back into the US, as well as the shiftless, unemployed animator who apparently has "no strong ties to Canada", apart from being born and raised there. Yessir, I'm leaving Hollywood North to pursue the thriving animation industry found in Ithaca.
Lesson learned: I don't have to carry my enormous, scary, Spiderco hunting knife with me everywhere. That didn't help me much.
Lesson learned: If I'm actually "visiting friends", I don't have to go into detail about every other thing I'm going to be doing there as well. Never mention the documentary or the semi-pro camera equipment in the back.
It made me mad that the border men treated me so much better and more gently than they treated the green card holding, German juggler. ...It only encourages me to use the "big-eyed, innocent girl" thing to my advantage. ...I don't like that one bit. It's icky.
They twisted every word they could, and it was a hugely humiliating experience, but at least we got to sit around for an hour and a half, while he typed something on the computer. (I think he was googling us. He must have come across Hilby's promo dancing doll, and wanted to print himself out a copy.)
But good on ya, guys. You certainly saved the day. I might have terrorized someone with my tripod, and Hilby could have juggled his plunger really threateningly.

Fuming.........over. the end.

On the upside, we got to experience the newest advances in finger printing. no more messy ink.

[Evan Young]

most of my last weekend's hat got stolen out of my house in broad daylight today. All those ones must have looked like the jackpot of the century because they din't touch anything else, like the ipod sitting right next to it, or the DVD collection... etc.

anyway, it sucks, I had a good weekend and was feeling pretty good about it until I got home to a broken door.

[le pire]

I was MC'ing a review show today and one of the performers in the line up is a "Kids Komic" that is a generally amusing pain in the ass, but this bastard has owed me $200 since February.

Here is the intro I would have LOOOOOoOoOOooooOVED to have given him:


We have a FANTASTIC act coming up for you right now! In fact he has not been on stage in almost 8 years so this is indeed a very special occasion! His performance today is brought to you by the Massachussetts State Penitentiary Work Release Program. He's a proud member of the sex offender registry and has recently found enlightenment in fundamental Islam. Let's give a warm welcome to CHUCKLES!!!!



God I would have loved to have said that.



etienne


p.s. this is Chuckles:

[The Pretty Good]

So today I performed in Washington Sq Park in Manhatten. The show was kinda small but we all had a good time. After the show a few audience members had some questions for me to answer. Mostly about skateboarding. So 1 kid was showing me his 360 flips hoping I coud solve the problem for him. They looked fine but he is just a kid so he doesnt have the strength required to do it so I told him that and just keep trying. At that point I noticed the boys in Green coming our way. I thought that they would tell the 8 year old to get off the skate board but insted I hear. Now Joseph we have told you about the fire. And I am like "huh?". Is your name Joseph? they asked I said No. THey asked for some ID...If you know me then you probably know about the iD I cary around made from an old cigarette packet. I dont carry my passport and have no state ID so it is pretty much incase anything happens they will at least have a clue about who I am. But it is still fun to have to present it at pubs and the occasional police officer. I have had his thing for a few years now. And it really is all I have in my wallet.
so I hand it over to them. Somehow they believe that I am not Joseph. And they are pissed off since they already wrote the ticket out. So Joey they have got you in their sights man. Anyway they were in a ticket writing mood so they gave me a $50 ticket for juggling fire in the park.
Its funny how at the same time they are writing you a ticket for one thing they like to list off the things that they could also write you up for. I guess it is supposed to make us like them or something. Oh wow thats a nice cop he didnt even give me a ticket for leaning on a barrel! he could have ya know.
SOOOOOOOO Now I still need to do shows. I watch the weather channel so I know the score. I head to Dube and gets me some knives. Even though I gave them up for Lent. So tack that onto the $50 and we are almost talking about a real pain in the ass.
My point is...Dull.
Oh right when I got outside of Dube it was raining. Sweet. Yeah nice Labour Day Weekend kickoff.

[jester]

Did a gig last night, very posh family having a party in their big house. I remember the lady who booked me haggled and got me down to £200.

I do the gig. She is stressed but doing her best to be nice. I mingle, meet and greet and then do a 15 minute show after the main course in the Marquee. It went really well because her 5 year old son takes part in a couple of tricks and everybody loves him (deservedly, this kid is so fun).

The dad gives me a cheque for £300 but no name is on it. I ask him to make sure that this is my cheque, as it is more then I asked for. He tells me this is fine, this is the cheque.

I assume that I am being tipped £100 and think wow lucky me.

This morning the phone rings, his wife tells me the cheque is wrong and asks for her £100 back.

It is her cheque, her signature and her mistake. I tell her I will refund the £100 as soon as the cheque has cleared...

I'm not worse off, but a little disappointed.

[Peter Voice]

I'm 52 next week, well educated, middlingly successful and I am seriously angry.

What happened to my world.

I cannot even begin to list the failures, deceit or usury of our so called leaders. I have always been a dissident but never really thought it would come to this.

I've never quite worked out whether I'm pagan or atheist but I know I'm totally pissed off with monotheist religious bullshit and am so angry that I might become my own nightmare.

I'm scaring myself now.

[Butterfly Man]

Love/Hate 22

I'm a clown and I'm sick of people.
I hate their fish mouths and their idle minds.
Their foolish choices and stupid questions.
Numb and adrift on a conveyer of soul rotting routines.
Calm husks going about their shopping.
Obtuse mono-mental morons with wives, husbands, children in tow.
Designer label dipshits whose only ambition is to upgrade to a slightly more expensive vacuousness.
Sugar saturated run amuck brats, who, like their parents, know nothing more than their immediate needs.
Wielding the only tool they’re issued - emotional blackmail.

I hate teenagers en mass.
Pre-masticated pap formulas of sentiment without substance.
Teenage males, egos enormous, brittle and facile, all covering their transparent fear.
Teenage females preprogrammed for collective hysteria in a sexual cul de sac.

Together, their insipid blank bovine faces lift themselves as they strain to identify my relevance.
I watch in awe as their naked humanity balloons outward in tears of laughter.
What a bunch of dumb fucks.

I see them every day.
I entertain them.
I make them laugh at others.
Unaware that they themselves have been exposed.
I hate them all.
And I eagerly await tomorrow
To make them all laugh again.


this was written for my show @ Surf Reality in NYC by Martin Ewen ... I tweaked it here and there.