thought o' the day...

[GlassHarper]

When flying commercial airlines they take away our knives, then they give us packets of snacks that can be opened only with a knife!

The plane I was just on was really small. I think it was a Boeing 7.47

On the ground the stewardess said I had to stop using my cell 'phone before she could shut the door. Apparently my antenna was in the way.

[theballoonman]

saw a great show on the tube the other night...The Dennis Miller;Millenium Special....utter brilliance...weekend update style ,news look thru the last millennium...

On McCartheism hearings...
"Yes,its true i sold American nuclear secrets to the communists...
But that would make me a capitalist now wouldnt it??"

and on former president Lyndon B.Johnson...
"My ex girlfriend thought L.B.J. was spainish for blowjob."

Mike Shick
The Balloonman Show
Now available in color!

[theballoonman]

I met this lady from the prairies...I'm not saying shes a slut...but I heard her refer to her period as "blowjob season"

What do you get when you cross one of the worlds premier balloon artists with one of Canadas funniest young comics...????
The Balloonman Show
shows for ANY enviroment.

[theballoonman]

"I like my presidents dumb...the smart ones get bored and try and fuck with me...."
d.miller

"Looking for a presidential candidate is like shopping for a dildo, you just try and find the one thats gonna hurt you the least."
bobcat goldthwaite

"wwhhhhhhhhoooooooooaaaaaghgghhhhaaghhhh..."
democratic candidate dean

[jester]

If the artists can't dream of a happy ending... then how in hell can a politician aspire to one.

Jonathan the Jester.

[theballoonman]

" Reality is an illussion....albeit a persistant one."
Albert Einstein

[theballoonman]

Recently a good friend of mine did,what alot of us vagabond performers have done in the past....chased a female foreign national...
spending the last couple of months selling and/or giving away his worldly possessions,apartment,vehicle etc
we wished him a fond farewell,and he lit out to circumnavigate the globe to be with his love....stopping half way to visit his mom....a few days after leaving he recieves a phone call...
maybe you shouldnt come after all....
if she said that 3 days earlier...

ladies,come on...
this is the kind of stuff that makes sex workers disappear...
"Can i call you Elizabeth...?"
"Sure baby,its your dime."


T.B.S

[theballoonman]

"DANG"
"hello,my name is Mike,SHOOT"
"GOSH""HECK"
"I suffer from touretts syndrome,GOLLY"
"SHUCKS,DARN"
"Luckily,GOSH,I was raised by the Amish,SHUCKS,so I never really learned any really bad words,SHUCKS."



I once did a telethon for people with touretts....
it was called "FUCKIN HELP US!!!"

Mike Shick
"What do you get when you cross the worlds premiere balloon artist with one of Canadas funniest young comics?"

The Balloonman Show
Now available in color!!

[jester]

I actually have Touretts syndrome, but the main manifestation of it, apart from the occassional stammer is that I call people by the wrong name.

I often have to explain this to people after I've done it too often so they don't get offended. I normally say.

"Look, I'm sorry I can't say your name. I suffer from a mild case of touretts syndrome. Just be greatful I didn't tell you fuck off."

I actually said this to the headmistress at my daughters school. She was very gracious about it.

[theballoonman]

todays words of wisdom....
"There was a man who wept because he had no shoes,
until he met a man who had no feet....and he thought "i bet he has some shoes hes not using.""

and on alligators...2 million years they survive at the top of the food chain,largely untouched... now every muthafucka in a pair of khakis wants to fuck with them .

and of course dead babies... Whats funnier then a dead baby in a dumpster??? a dead baby in a clown suit in a dumpster....


Mike Shick
The Balloonman Show
"Now 68% fewer carbs..."

[jester]

You Sick Bastard.

What's funnier than a dead balloon man?

A dead balloon man surrounded by babies dressed in either Khaki or clown suits, baiting on the alligator that just bit both of his feet and his bollocks off.

Sorry sense of humour failure. WhhhhaaarPPPPPP! Whhhhaaaarppp! Exterminate! Exterminate!

[The Jester has just imploded perfectly and is now a mirror image of his former self.}

[firegirl]

my thought today

my thought: how the hell does it go from 91 degrees to 62 degrees in the course of a day here in s.f.?? damn-it, pick a season!

my quote: "i ran away once. you know what happened? two weeks later i looked in the rearview mirror & there i was."

hey y'all - i'm baaaaaacccckkk!

peace, love & fuzzy bunnies,
FIREGIRL

[theballoonman]

hey firegirl

If you listen closely, you can tell when the temperature is going to shift in san fran, by the giggles and steam emmitting from the steam bath patrons as they rush home for the queer as folk marathon.

"he's not gay,he's bi...he likes both men and boys..."

mike shick
"metrosexual"(i actually prefer the term flaming heterosexual)
"We're here,were not queer,but were close,get used to it."

[clapchap]

don't do the "wipe your brow after a hard trick" trick with torches on a windy day...learned the hard way

[theballoonman]

"Sure, my mothers feet stink, but its because she works in manure all day....
and its STILL the best Starbucks in Glascow."

Groundskeeper Willie
the simpsons