Cucumbers

[Doctor Eric]

I've never had to ask where the closest bar is, I can find it blindfolded and high on ambien.

[gav]

Here in Zagreb, you can find the nearest bar just by spinning around 3 times and taking 8 steps in any direction !

[Devinthejuggler]

i still dont see how chopping a cucumber will convince people that the knives are sharp...now a cutting a tomato in halfw ould convince me... i cant even do it wit the knives in my kitchen... sucks to find old cucumbers lurking in the bottom of your gig bag i can imagine...

[Rachel Peters]

I smell a CHALLENGE!! Or at least Cash's pants.

Someone needs to do the banana trick with a tomato!!

[Bob Carr]

Just threaten to cut of some kids arm, then you don't have to bring the Cucumers.

And if you need to know how to gaff one of those, just google it. I think the thread works better than just the needle in this case.

[Rachel Peters]

And if worse comes to worst, plant a kid with cucumbers for arms.

[Stoned]

Well I'm sure it has something to do with precutting the slices 3/4 of the way or something like that. I am certain it is not unprepared as this is used to demonstrate the razor sharp quality of the item. It has been done with swords for sword swallowing and these have to be dull dull dull.

Not really, my sword is rather sharp... one could drop an apple on the blade and the apple would be sliced in half just from it's own weight.

[Doctor Eric]

Ping Pong paddles are sharp, in comparison to the thread-poster, that's not the issue, is MisterM buying my workshop or not?

[jeep caillouet]

That Chinese guy up in Canada does a trick where he cuts a cucumber in half on a man's stomach. He's in the busker movie.

[Isabella]

That would be William Lee? I think?

[Stephon]

You talking about Master Lee? I hear he uses a gaffed sword--something to do with a needle and thread.

[gav]

If you have a fresh and crisp enough cucumber, it will easily cut Master Lee in half.

[MisterM]

Damn this is a popular thread, a lot of cucumber lovers out there. Thank you for the replys, all jokes aside I am very suprised at how well this works. Fat hats and all...


P.S.
The personal jab was not appreciated Eric, and I think we should avoid personal jabs when there are cucumbers involved. Unless you have some KY.

[gav]

Out of curiosity, what method have you ended up using ?

[Butterfly Man]

Silence by the slice

It was in the early 90's. Master Lee and I were still in our prime... at least he was. Universal Studios had just opened in LA and we were both in the opening ceremonies. Master Lee asked me do the cucumber bit with him as the audience was supposed to stay behind some barrier, so he needed a shill.

We had been friends since the early days, so I knew him quite well and that, well that made him fodder for any evil shit I could come up with. I never imagined the outcome, I swear, I thought it was going to be funny.

He brings me from the back, so everyone knows I'm just another act. I decide to act real scared just to make it more interesting. William is in the zone so he hardly pays any attention to me rather he just keeps popping out street line after street line. He plays me like a pro. Little does he know what I have in store for him.

After what seemed like an hour, five minutes had passed and he had me on my back. Now, with blindfold on, sword in hand and dick jokes over, he goes for the big finale cut.

He lets out his pre-requisite, high pitched, poor Bruce Lee impersonation scream.

The sword falls splitting the cucumber but, in the process, he ever so slightly nicks me on my lower ribcage with the handle. I hardly felt it… but I guess he did.

In retrospect, I guess I was just lucky.

When William was posturing I had slipped a blood capsule out of a thumb tip and stuck it in my belly button. When I stuck it with a thumbtack it oozed out slowly.

Master Lee saw it first.

It didn’t matter that blood wasn’t coming from the place he had hit me.

It didn’t matter that he might have hurt me.

What mattered was the silence. The total silence.


I tried to pretend I wasn’t hurt, which is kinda easy to do when you aren’t.

All you have to do is smile (weakly) and say, “I’m alright… don’t worry about it.”

So that’s what I did, I just left him out there.

What an asshole I am.