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What's your best heckler come back story?
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Some crazy homeless lady wandered in show and demanded I give her $2.
"That's not how it works" I said.
She started in on some kind of Jesus nonsense as a local beat cop came in to move her along. Then she went from the Jesus rhetoric to "this is racist" (she was black), rhetoric; "cracker this, cracker that". The cop was chasing her in circles inside my show.
Someone came out of the audience and gave her $2. She immediately shut up and left.
I started back into my show, but she had a few young black men in the audience a little wound up on the racism stuff, so they started yelling dumb stuff like "this is whack", and "fuck this cracker".
I stopped the show, looked at the audience and said something to the affect of: "I don't have to be here, I'm perfectly happy to go home and play video games. So if you want to accuse me of racism because I wouldn't give some batty lady $2 that she didn't deserve, I'll just go home. This show only works if you guys want it to. So, should I keep going?". I looked at the audience and saw heads nodding yes.
Then one of the guys yelled something else, so I started putting my props away. People were not happy that these punks had ruined the show, so one little old black lady stood up, walked over to the boys and threatened to hit them with her walking stick. They left and I had a good show. -
That's a good one Evan. I use a line in my show''cooler than dipping snuff than being in south Houston,Texas''. This Big ole cowboy pushed his way to the front of my show and preseeded to fill me in that people in South Houston Texas chew tobacco,not dip snuff.And he meant business. I really didn't know what to say,so now I say ''cooler than chewing tobacco'' and there's been no more problems!Comment
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One good one...
I had 3 Spanish teenagers being very disruptive during a performance a few years ago. Was getting the best of me, then I pulled a balloon out of my case and said "I love a good heckler and so do most audiences, right crowd??" RIGHT!! I said, "However I have only one requirement before I battle whits with you guys and that is that you must be able to blow up this balloon."
The cocky kid grabs the balloon and huffs and puffs but can't blow the thing up. I said "Don't worry dude, no hurry, you can even have your buddies help you!"
I now continue my show while the three of them are now focused away from being disruptive to proving me wrong.
Right after my hat line, just before the finale, the kid jumps in the middle of my circle (inflated balloon in hand) and says "HA!!"
With out skippin' a beat I said "Great job dude, now we know you can blow that date up later... Now get off my stage!!
Guys left, crowd roared, and I had a great hat!!!Comment
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A bad one...
Take drunk guys lighter, drunk guy pulls a knife, NO COMEBACK FOR THAT ONE!!!!!Comment
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what? you don't don't have a 38 special in your show kit ?Comment
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Gav, you need that in Key west for the other performer's! Not for the heckler, there usually a little more easy!Comment
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.38 special
Yes, I have .38 Special in my prop case. Unfortunately they are only on my Ipod.Comment
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Worst heckle I've ever had was "That's all I get for a dollar?"Comment
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I hardly do any thing for my $ these days...umm just like you.Comment
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Hey! I move and make noise when they give me a buck! I even hand out candy! What more do you want? It's 2010 not 1950!
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Pier 39 in 1978
I've got one... but i gotta go pee right now. Really!Comment
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Never marry an aphasian girl they make bad chives
now i peed but forgot the story... this getting old shit is getting oldComment
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Drunk lady won't stop talking. Usually if I can get a disrupter to try to learn the "trick" of playing the glass harmonica they shut up. This one didn't. Finally she asked "should I use one finger or two?"
"Madam," I said, "do you mean on the glasses or on yourself?"
Her son-in-law cracked up and left me a twenty.Comment
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That's a good one Peter! You still in nola?Comment
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