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Just before Christmas Eve dinner at my ex-wives parents house (because we all get along and are one big wacky modern American family), in front of my mother-in-law, my ex-in-laws, my children, my wife AND ex wife; I managed to stab myself in the thigh.
Five minutes after arriving I gave my ex-mother-in-law a gift. She un-wrapped it and she handed it to me for me to take it out of the impenetrable plastic that everything is packaged in these days. It wouldn’t pull open, so she went and got a utility knife (which she put a new blade into).
Those of you that have met me know that I love ABBA and Neil Diamond, have an irrational fear of birds and am incredibly squeamish; this of course includes a full blown phobia of being cut. (I know, what are the odds, a quirky sword swallower)
So I was very careful opening the package…
Until the very last cut when I held the package right over my leg and when the plastic gave way the knife plunged into my thigh.
Off to the emergency room I went, driven by my ex-father-in-law.
Once in the E.R., I was taken to the triage nurse who needed to get the details.
“What Happened?”
Without thinking I replied, “I stabbed my leg while opening a knife sharpener.”
She looked at me with a “look” in her eyes, and that’s when the true irony of all this began to hit me.
The gift I had been opening was a knife sharpener!
The sharpener was a gift from me to the ex-mother-in-law because I do a lot of cooking at their house for family BBQs on the weekends that I am home in the summer and all of their knives are dull. I had given it to her before dinner so we would have a sharp knife to cut the Christmas roast.
That’s right; I had stabbed myself with a very sharp knife in the leg while attempting to open a knife sharpener for a household with no sharp knives!
Next up the admissions nurse asked for my employment information. This is when the subtle look became open guffawing.
It was all so perfect.
8 stitches later (3 inside my leg and 5 outside) and three hours later I was back at their house which was now filled with all of the other guests, only to find that dinner had been held, but not kept it warm, until my return.
I was so embarrassed.
And for the rest of the evening my ex-wife had a look on her face that said:
Sword Swallower Who Fears Cuts, Stabs Leg While Opening Knife Sharpener! Read all about it!
Are you familiar with the term IDIOT!?
This all tied into a series of other family medical events in the past few months that conspired to make this my first Christmas home in 5 years. I am so looking forward to 2009.
Here's wishing all a super fine '09!
Five minutes after arriving I gave my ex-mother-in-law a gift. She un-wrapped it and she handed it to me for me to take it out of the impenetrable plastic that everything is packaged in these days. It wouldn’t pull open, so she went and got a utility knife (which she put a new blade into).
Those of you that have met me know that I love ABBA and Neil Diamond, have an irrational fear of birds and am incredibly squeamish; this of course includes a full blown phobia of being cut. (I know, what are the odds, a quirky sword swallower)
So I was very careful opening the package…
Until the very last cut when I held the package right over my leg and when the plastic gave way the knife plunged into my thigh.
Off to the emergency room I went, driven by my ex-father-in-law.
Once in the E.R., I was taken to the triage nurse who needed to get the details.
“What Happened?”
Without thinking I replied, “I stabbed my leg while opening a knife sharpener.”
She looked at me with a “look” in her eyes, and that’s when the true irony of all this began to hit me.
The gift I had been opening was a knife sharpener!
The sharpener was a gift from me to the ex-mother-in-law because I do a lot of cooking at their house for family BBQs on the weekends that I am home in the summer and all of their knives are dull. I had given it to her before dinner so we would have a sharp knife to cut the Christmas roast.
That’s right; I had stabbed myself with a very sharp knife in the leg while attempting to open a knife sharpener for a household with no sharp knives!
Next up the admissions nurse asked for my employment information. This is when the subtle look became open guffawing.
It was all so perfect.
8 stitches later (3 inside my leg and 5 outside) and three hours later I was back at their house which was now filled with all of the other guests, only to find that dinner had been held, but not kept it warm, until my return.
I was so embarrassed.
And for the rest of the evening my ex-wife had a look on her face that said:
Sword Swallower Who Fears Cuts, Stabs Leg While Opening Knife Sharpener! Read all about it!
Are you familiar with the term IDIOT!?
This all tied into a series of other family medical events in the past few months that conspired to make this my first Christmas home in 5 years. I am so looking forward to 2009.
Here's wishing all a super fine '09!
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