Folding Chairs

[Rachel Peters]

I'm a big sympathizer for ye.
I've come around to realize it doesn't have to be all-or-nothing in performance. And I've also come to realize that for me, I don't even want it to be ALL or nothing. I have a very prominent day job and probably always will, but I'm learning to slip performance into the cracks throughout my life, to get my fix and grow.

It's been very hard for me to realize that just because I don't do this for my living, it's not a sign of failure.

Frankly, sometimes I find performers who have other lives and interests and skill sets more intriguing. Perfect example -- the adorably albino Mike Wood, Comedy Engineer.

Anyway, I agree that it's really tough to be get inspired in an atmosphere where your passions seem so strange to others. I hate feeling like a freak (odd, considering I often do)... at the same time, it could totally work for you in that, if there aren't many other performers, you've got a total monopoly!! You could be The Red Deer Guy!

I learned recently that I can capitalize on film festivals as the "Fire Eating Filmmaker". I'm generally the only one. It can be a little lonely, but I get a lot more attention than I would in a room full of performers who can do a crap load more stuff than me.

I'm just saying, I understand that it's lonely and hard to plow through, but you can roll with your life situations too. Use it.

.........on another note, my rabbit just hopped up on my office chair and bit my back. ...how do you discipline a cute little lop eared rabbit?!?! ow.

[Butterfly Man]

In some sea of what we are ...

I've always been chasing or avoiding or dancing around insanity. A feeling that the taught string that holds everything together was just about to snap. All the ropes and pulleys and mirrors projecting meaning and order would come crashing down and expose the raw anarchy and panic of truth. Somehow I felt I never really belonged here to begin.

I used to imagine or dream or hope I was an orphan, or from another planet or that I'd discover that I had super powers that could be use for good. Finally I could be loved and adored for the wonderful being that resided beneath all this noise and posturing that kept me locked in and the world locked out.

I want to peel my clothes off and burn them. Shed this old skin of cloth that stamped photographs for decades and made my life a footnote of insignificant details.

I want to stand under running water and watch the suds swirl through my toes and down through the drain to some unseen world where all our dirt mingles ....

I want to kill the rabbit.

[Rachel Peters]

huh. me too.
i want things this world cannot offer.
how could that be, were i of this world.

[le pire]

No one says it better than ABBA:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wR6H-LfKOpk

There's even a juggler and fire eater! Watch and find when the juggler drops too!!!!

etienne

[Frisbee]

.........on another note, my rabbit just hopped up on my office chair and bit my back. ...how do you discipline a cute little lop eared rabbit?!?! ow.

Rachel, that better have not been "Greg Frisbee" otherwise I will have to come up there and kick some bunny ass.

[Peter Voice]

Rachel's problem with disciplining the rabbit is easily solved with some fresh carrots (onions, garlic, wild mushrooms, cream and at least 2 bottles of good wine, one for the marinade) and will only take a few hours.

Schuyler's dilema is not so easy or delicious. In fact Rachel's dilema could be analysed, solved and appreciated by almost any-one, anywhere, even in Red Deer.

I think Schuyler's problem is trickier.

But, hey Frisbee, if you need an excuse for a legendary (at least here) road trip to kick arse, go to Red Deer (I'm sure it's changed since 91) and find an audience.

I figure if Schuyler, Rachel and the rabbit have problems , I could solve all the issues easily by having every-one round for dinner after Frisbee's show.




Pls forgive my attitude above, sometimes I think I'm funny but I'm actually a little annoyed as the discussion about mental fitness and health in this job where a perceived failure can cause all sorts of issues, seems to have gone a little off thread,

So, I'm bringing it back. Tell us more about what you've been trying, Schuyler, it can't be all bad and something must have started you on this experiment in the first place.

And remember, it was only an experiment, not a lifetime vow.

[Butterfly Man]

Grounds for failure

When I was 10 years old, there was this little metal fence in my yard that ran between two walls. A bunch of us kids were trying to tightrope walk across. It was tricky because the whole thing wobbled a bit.

When it was my turn, I started out fine. No one was paying much attention, all the kids were just yelling and carrying on.

I'm moving along... doing great...it felt like I had it under control... I'm shaking a bit but I'm doing it...

Then...

My mother opens the door and steps out onto the porch to watch.

Just for a second…I’m feeling proud she’s watching ... and then…

She says, “Oh Bobby, you'll never be able to do that!”

…the bunny sees the shadow of a hawk on the ground in front of him...

My confidence shattered … my equilibrium stolen… I fall.

[Rachel Peters]

Walk that tight rope, Schuyler!! Walk it! You can do it!

[Schuyler]

Heh, perhaps I can.

What started this was the first major confidence issue I've had to face since I decided that real life is just too damned dull and that performing is simply what I enjoy doing. I've been on stage before, the whole time I was growing up I was in plays or music recitals. It's not quite the same, but stage fright is stage fright and I know how to deal with it now.

What happened was I hit a point where I could choose to chicken out and take a secure "real" job and make a steady paycheck with no worries, or I could tough it out and set out to make money juggling come hell or high water, the route I'd prefer but it's a bit more intimidating and not a sure thing. It's hard to grip just everything involved with how to travel, finding places to stay, designing and redesigning a show until I get it right, and most frightening of all what to tell people if I come back and simply couldn't do it. So I took the real job, a good job but nothing I really care about at all, because it was the right choice to make. I'm not ready to support myself entertaining yet, and I know that. It's not really a problem, I just need some more time to really polish up.

The problem is that I'm a night person by nature. And so I figured that if I'm going to work a real job for the first time in two years, I'll take a later shift so I don't have to wake up before noon. I didn't really get the ramifications of this. First off, the house I'm in isn't exactly condusive to learning anything that requires movement. It's good for sitting in, and sleeping, but not much else. And so I made it about three weeks into the job, and it was sort of okay. I'd go out and see friends and distract myself. But in that three weeks I hadn't juggled once, hadn't attempted to learn any new skills, hadn't even really listened to or played any music. It was a bit of an about face, a really dull time, and so I sort of snapped a little.

Which brings me back to the fact that I'm a night person. I snapped and couldn't believe that this is the sort of life that a real job had led me into. But at three in the morning mountain time there isn't much that can be done about it. A long walk in the cold didn't help much, and so I wandered over to P.Net and pounded out a cryptic weepy tale. All of a sudden I was taking myself seriously.

Luckily that was apparently the exact right thing to do. Thanks for all the support, I'm feeling much better now. I've found a place and a time to practice again and the absurd amounts of money they're giving me is funding me, so maybe it will all be fine. The shock of transition is scary though, so my lesson from this: If you ever go back to a real job, be careful. It can suck the life out of you if don't watch out.

[Peter Voice]

If you decided to take up golf, you wouldn't expect to win your first tournament. You'd know you were walking out there to get your arse whipped but you'd go anyway and hope that when you went to work Monday you would have learned something to take with you when you go out to be whipped again next week-end. You have a tiny victory every time you try and they can quickly start to add up. Street performing is nowhere near as cruel as golf. I'm sure golf, reversed flog, was so named because it's vindictive torture you inflict on yourself.

As I said before, relaxing can be very productive. The facts are that you've tried, broken the ice, entertained some people and made some money doing it. That, in itself, is a genuine achievement. It's on your CV never to be erased.

Sign up for the workshop at next year's Edmonton Festival, regardless of the genre, magic, mime even p.art. You'll have a ball, be welcomed with open arms and learn heaps of shit. If I'm there, I'll teach you the art of campfire cooking with rabbit on a spit.

[Schuyler]

Yippie!

So I hit the street today. Finally. It was getting embarrassing.

Thanks a lot to Flyin' Bob who has done a lot to help me on my way and to everybody else who helped me out of the funk I was in when I started this. It's mid July and I was still making excuses for not going out and taking the risk. I finally broke down and phoned the organizer of the local farmer's market and got myself a spot there. It forced me to get out, whether I felt I was ready or not and it was good. Did three shows, each one getting progressively better. All in all, a great day and plenty of fun.

I'm feeling a lot better now. So thanks once again. See you all around someday.