Krammer Moments

[jesus]

My wife and I were talking about the Michael Richards thing last night and the conversation brought up talk of especially bad hecklers and such.
And I remembered a moment from a show that has always made me feel bad when ever it crosses my mind.

It was at Michigan Renaissance Festival maybe six years ago.
One of the things I do to start my show is kind of strike up conversations with audience members. So I saw a guy wearing a WWII veteran hat. So I said "hello" and he said "hi" back.
I read his hat out loud and said "my father was in WWII. He was on Iwo Jima"
This mans wife replied that he had been in a German POW camp for two years. I forget exactly how I responded but it was polite and respectful.
Well the show turned out to be one of those shows where you just never get in sync with the crowd. We were just kind of missing each other.
My sense of humor is always rather self-depreciating, so at some point I notice that the "veteran couple" are pretty much just sitting cross armed and waiting for the show to end, and so I say to the "I bet right now you'd rather be back in the German prison camp."
Man oh man did they get up and leave quick.
It could have been funny if I had been connected with the crowd, but I wasn't so it wasn't.
Every time it crosses my mind I just cringe. It wasn't a huge thing, but it bothers me that I was so rude to an old man, even if it was unintentional.

So I ask what "moments" have you had that you think of and regret?

[Kenny Ahern]

Bad moments

Fifteen years ago, this kid came to all of my shows during a week long fair. His parents were vendors and dumped him at my shows to keep him occupied. Of course, he regularly jumped my bits and at one show I cracked...

I picked the kid up and spun him like a drill rifle and duct taped him(from his thighs to below arm pits and his feet) to a support post on stage. I then had him hold my props. He had my show down pat, so he knew when to hand me my props. He was taped to the post for about twenty minutes. It started out as a stupid act of chaotic desperation that, fortunately and luckily, ended OK.

Then there was the time I worked Edmonton. During my Midnight Show set, I tossed emcee Robert Nelson off stage, with a little too much zest than was planned. Although, he had just called me another F@#$&*#! clown.

Kenny

[unklesteve]

Someone bet me a pitcher of beer that I wouldn't shoot Robert Nelson with a blowdart.

I hastily made up some stupid, unfunny bit just to get on the Renegade stage (this was at an IJA convention) and then proceeded to goad him up on stage, and shoot him in the leg with a full-length blowdart.

As you can imagine, it got pretty ugly at that point. First and only time I've ever had a crowd turn on me, and i'll be avoiding stupid ideas like that in the future.

[Doctor Eric]

I had to take some time off this year, I was close to snapping, and I set a drunk heckler on fire and watched him burn.

I'd just had enough, I can go round for round with a heckler all day, but it does just that, round and round, like a record baby, right round round round. Yet another 24 year old spoiled rotten drunk bay area douchebag started up in one of my shows, and after 5 minutes of "witty" repartee, I just walked up to him, pressed a lit torch into his chest and then stood there and stared him down as it burned. It didn't burn too long, but it made his shirt and my show real ugly. I got away with it, but it was just too cold for the crowd to get behind it, and it overshadowed the whole show. So for my vacation I went to LA, and let me tell ya, Los Angeles was just the rest and relaxation I needed...

[Butterfly Man]

Hear no evil

Years ago at Pier 39 in SF there was an old man who watched everybody's street show ... even Mitchell Barrett's. He was deaf and walked with a cane. I never actually met him, I just saw him almost every time I went down there. He'd just sit quietly on the front bench and watch.

I had just returned from the UK and was very impressed with how the Brits worked the crowds (a la KeanO, Pep & Nick), so I thought I'd give it a go myself.

I had no reason to pick on the old guy but I figured I could get away with being slightly more outrageous because well, he was always there.

I started out by grabbing his cane and throwing it into the ocean.

(Just kidding, but I bet you think The Butterfly Man would do shit like that don't you?)

Actually, I took his cane (which he didn't want to give up) and did a few tricks with it ... no harm done ... worked OK, nothing special.

Then, because he was sitting, I saw an old style hearing aid in his shirt pocket ... I proceeded to talk to him while pulling the earphone in and out of his ear. When it was out, I would just move my lips and make no sound ... then I'd stick it back in and talk with sound ... in and out ... mouthing words, then talking ... back and forth. This worked OK too but he didn't like it ... I could tell. But because he was in the front row the audience really couldn't see much of his reaction, I got pretty decent laughs.

Then I did it ... I took the hearing aid out of his pocket and started playing with the controls.

Ooops, shouldn'ta done that ... turned the wheel the wrong way (thought I was turning it DOWN) then I heard a real high pitch squeal and saw his face grimace.

He started shaking nervously and angrily and grabbed his hearing aid and cane back abruptly and started beating me with the cane.

It didn't hurt very much because he was so feeble but the audience, instead of laughing, started to boo.

The only thing I could think of was to poke him in the eye.

No I didn't, what kind of asshole do you think I am?

I threw his cane in the water.