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August 24th/25th - Day One
Headed off to the airport with Marlee and caught myself a flight to Chicago to get on the goddamn bus.
After some confusion and waiting and phone tag, I met up at the airport with Frank Hartman, a sword swallower who actually taught my good friend Tyler Fyre to be the carnie extraordinaire that he is. Also in tow was William Darke. William and I have history together...he brought me out on my first bus tour back in 1997, under the guise of the William Darke Freakshow Spectacular. It was a helluva ride, and I ended up getting stiffed at the end of it to the tune of $700. I was pretty pissed about that for quite a while, and still kinda am. So I was not exactly thrilled to get on a tour bus with William. We talked a bit, and he seems to have mellowed out from his previous life as an irresponsible fucking lunatic. He claims that he is going to make good on the money, after all this time. I figure it's a 50/50 chance that I'll ever see that money, but after 9 years it would practically found money. So if that happens I will have old money long owed, and restored faith in a fellow performer. So that would be pretty cool, and I'm holding out at least a little hope.
A little.
Wedged myself in the small car with my meager luggage, and we headed off to Ken's house, the owner of the Brothers Grim Sideshow. His house is a shrine to circus and sideshow, and filled with antiques and collectibles that would make any self-respecting historian shit themselves. The sign off P.T. Barnum's door, original sideshow banners, you name it he's got it. He is also an antiques dealer, and keeps the most choice pieces for himself. Hung out there and had some fine bratwurst from his grill on the back porch, and then headed off to get on the bus.
I claimed the bottom-most right bunk as you walk into the bunk area. This is a wise decision, made from experience. Top bunk? You risk getting thrown. Plus, it's a pain in the ass to get in and out of when you are blind drunk. Middle bunk? You get the noise and thrashing from tomb and bottom, and the height is just awkward enough to still make it a pain in the ass when you've been hitting the sauce. Bottom bunk? Drunk or sober, just hit the floor and roll over. Plus, you don't have to worry about being thrown...if the bus hits a hard turn and you roll out, you just roll back in and you're golden.
Went to bed about 2:44 am, and woke up, albeit with some difficulty, at 6:30 am to do the Mancow radio show. Mancow is a Chicago radio staple, syndicated nationally. He's a fan of sideshow, and really digs what we are doing.
So, of course, I farted in the tiny radio booth and completely grossed everyone out. It was a bad one too. Smelled like rotten eggs jammed up a dead man's ass. Even I got a little woozy from that one, and everyone knows that you always prefer your own brand.
Off to get ahold of Eric Wolff, who works nearby. He's a fellow yo-yo player and collector, and I'm going to see about grabbing a bite with him.
Joey also joined us. She's running merch. She quit her job at Best Buy to join the tour. I love hearing stuff like that.
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Just got back from a great lunch with Eric Wolff. We talked about yo-yos, and family life, and the world at large. We ate fantastic food (Classic Steak Diane, with roasted tomato, and some Chocolate Applause cake) and it was, as always, great to sit and talk with him.
Now I'm back on the bus. It's about quarter past four, and we'll be rolling out for Milwaukee in a few hours. I should go find somewhere to take a dump. You can't crap on a tour bus...the septic systems aren't designed for it. So if you need to crap, your options are to find somewhere else to do it, or to trailblaze.
I learned about trailblazing from hanging out with Less Than Jake on the '99 Warped Tour. Apparently, if you prefer the comfort of a clean, safe toilet rather than the usual PortaPotty scariness, you can line the bowl of the bus toilet with a plastic bag, take your dump, then just tie up the bag and toss it in the nearest receptacle.
Or, if you are feeling saucy, you hand it to someone and then leave quickly before they realize they are holding a bag of your shit.
Thank you, Rog and Derron, for teaching me such a valuable and hilarious skill.
Headed off to the airport with Marlee and caught myself a flight to Chicago to get on the goddamn bus.
After some confusion and waiting and phone tag, I met up at the airport with Frank Hartman, a sword swallower who actually taught my good friend Tyler Fyre to be the carnie extraordinaire that he is. Also in tow was William Darke. William and I have history together...he brought me out on my first bus tour back in 1997, under the guise of the William Darke Freakshow Spectacular. It was a helluva ride, and I ended up getting stiffed at the end of it to the tune of $700. I was pretty pissed about that for quite a while, and still kinda am. So I was not exactly thrilled to get on a tour bus with William. We talked a bit, and he seems to have mellowed out from his previous life as an irresponsible fucking lunatic. He claims that he is going to make good on the money, after all this time. I figure it's a 50/50 chance that I'll ever see that money, but after 9 years it would practically found money. So if that happens I will have old money long owed, and restored faith in a fellow performer. So that would be pretty cool, and I'm holding out at least a little hope.
A little.
Wedged myself in the small car with my meager luggage, and we headed off to Ken's house, the owner of the Brothers Grim Sideshow. His house is a shrine to circus and sideshow, and filled with antiques and collectibles that would make any self-respecting historian shit themselves. The sign off P.T. Barnum's door, original sideshow banners, you name it he's got it. He is also an antiques dealer, and keeps the most choice pieces for himself. Hung out there and had some fine bratwurst from his grill on the back porch, and then headed off to get on the bus.
I claimed the bottom-most right bunk as you walk into the bunk area. This is a wise decision, made from experience. Top bunk? You risk getting thrown. Plus, it's a pain in the ass to get in and out of when you are blind drunk. Middle bunk? You get the noise and thrashing from tomb and bottom, and the height is just awkward enough to still make it a pain in the ass when you've been hitting the sauce. Bottom bunk? Drunk or sober, just hit the floor and roll over. Plus, you don't have to worry about being thrown...if the bus hits a hard turn and you roll out, you just roll back in and you're golden.
Went to bed about 2:44 am, and woke up, albeit with some difficulty, at 6:30 am to do the Mancow radio show. Mancow is a Chicago radio staple, syndicated nationally. He's a fan of sideshow, and really digs what we are doing.
So, of course, I farted in the tiny radio booth and completely grossed everyone out. It was a bad one too. Smelled like rotten eggs jammed up a dead man's ass. Even I got a little woozy from that one, and everyone knows that you always prefer your own brand.
Off to get ahold of Eric Wolff, who works nearby. He's a fellow yo-yo player and collector, and I'm going to see about grabbing a bite with him.
Joey also joined us. She's running merch. She quit her job at Best Buy to join the tour. I love hearing stuff like that.
------
Just got back from a great lunch with Eric Wolff. We talked about yo-yos, and family life, and the world at large. We ate fantastic food (Classic Steak Diane, with roasted tomato, and some Chocolate Applause cake) and it was, as always, great to sit and talk with him.
Now I'm back on the bus. It's about quarter past four, and we'll be rolling out for Milwaukee in a few hours. I should go find somewhere to take a dump. You can't crap on a tour bus...the septic systems aren't designed for it. So if you need to crap, your options are to find somewhere else to do it, or to trailblaze.
I learned about trailblazing from hanging out with Less Than Jake on the '99 Warped Tour. Apparently, if you prefer the comfort of a clean, safe toilet rather than the usual PortaPotty scariness, you can line the bowl of the bus toilet with a plastic bag, take your dump, then just tie up the bag and toss it in the nearest receptacle.
Or, if you are feeling saucy, you hand it to someone and then leave quickly before they realize they are holding a bag of your shit.
Thank you, Rog and Derron, for teaching me such a valuable and hilarious skill.
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