Day Job?

[jester]

I once worked with a cleaner in his mid fifties. He didn't need to work either, cos he was the heir to a multinational business. Although he was the heir, he wasn't wanted on the board and was advised by his family to stay out of the business and find something else to do.

So he became a cleaner. And he was conscientious and became the supervisor (my boss). And every week he'd take us all down the pub for a big drink and feed and blow all of his wages in almost one hit.

Then some idiot said that he was insulting us by trying to buy our friendship. So we all had to pay our own way after that. Still many of us went down the pub after work every Sunday afternoon.

Then he got fired. During an argument, a Butchers assistant said "You're just a cleaner." He responded with "I'm a better cleaner than you are a butcher" so the butcher was very upset (the butcher worked for the client) at being as lowly as a cleaner and complained about his insolence and our bosses sacked him.

Which is really ironic, because he ownd the company that hired the butcher and who contracted us to clean their depot.

And he never once told anybody that he owned the company. He just said he was retired and did the cleaning for a hobby.

Of course we found out when not having a cleaning job to do anymore he decided to work for his company again. This time as a trainee butcher.....

[jesus]

My Hobby

I took the job at Jiffy lube!
Good fun. Mindless busy work. Happy as a pig in shit. I take a bag lunch and come home dirty.
The first week I worked 30 hours for 174.38US$. The next time some punter drops a 20 in my hat I will be much more thankful.
The "real Joes" are weirder in their way that we are.
When I get some time I will tell you the tales.

[martin ewen]

Watch wince repeat

And so God sent his second son Jesus ll (a white one)
But as a child his mum put him down in the kitchen and he went to sleep with his head on the microwave and thereafter lost his exclusive 'God-The-Father-communication-frequency.'
God the father lost interest in Jesus ll, God the father had always been afflicted with a short attention span, 7 days was the longest he'd ever focused on anything and that particular experiment had been either his biggest headache or his greatest comedy depending on his mood (and his moods had always swung viciously)
So anyway Jesus was on his own, stuck in the american heartland. He learned early that money could be made via feigning self confidence and programming people to laugh and applaud but as time went on he became aware that there were limits to this, based largely on the dwindling satisfaction he got from total strangers laughing at prearranged times. He had also, instead of running away to a third world country and living on a beach between occasional gigs, got married and had kids which had raised the temperature of the background anxiety that surrounded him until, like the frog of common allegory, he had suspected he might have been close to cooked without realising it.
But Jesus was no frog, no sirree bob.
He caught himself and scanned his environment (his external environment) and applying every catholic principle that he had long since thought he'd purged himself of but not realising just how damn well designed and sticky said principles be.
He tried to find a job washing peoples feet but the only vacancies were in the seedier establishments and the pay was abysmal unless you performed sordid extras.
So he settled on changing peoples oil.
He took a lunch bag and came home dirty.
Not because he had to feed his family, he could have made more using his imagination, and not because deep down being a lube jocky was all he was good for.
but mainly because it made a good chapter in his life story (if he kept it short)
And his wife could gaze at his deeply oil stained fingers and know that she had married a man who went out into the jungle every day and suffered being a mindless cog all because of love.
Jesus needed a miracle, he was a happy as a pig in shit, cept he had this sneeking suspicion he wasn't a pig.


(I'm bored)

[jester]

Re: Watch wince repeat

Originally posted by martin ewen
..... He learned early that money could be made via feigning self confidence.......

Shit. I forgot I was bluffing. I managed to convince myself that my meglamania was solid stuff. I thought I was for real....

....Oh no.. Paranoia is creeping up on me, what if the audience can see through such a superficial bluff.. Hey, how come I didn't see through it....

Bugger! I really am feeble. The Castle Walls crash down around my ego. I built towers on Sand... It's Over....

But wait! There is hope. Now I feel real anxiety.... Now I am valid...

AT LAST! I am an ARTIST! And as such I will no longer have to be a blaggard. I can puff out my chest proudly and say "I suffer for this. I have known insecurity. My superficial ego now erects the biggest palace ever known. And this time it's on gravel.

Tonight Poole Quay... Tommorow, Ribdrip Scudamore Village Hall.... I AM THE GREATEST!

[jesus]

sent home

To many "Regular Joes" scheduled today so I was sent home after 15 minutes since they know its only my "hobby". At least I got to fill someones washer fluid in the 15 minutes!
oh well I guess I will clean the house.

[theballoonman]

favorite jesus (one)as an entertainer bit

jesus(one) decides he wants to walk among the "regular joes", yet realizes his only skill is public speaking.
"there was this mount gig....";
and decides to become a stand up comic...
"Hey there....Any body out there from Galilee?? Lets give a big hand to the lepers..."
"Hey look, its water,hey look, its wine....I'm here all week try the fish.."
ba dum dum
picture jp behind a mike

[Evan Young]

Today I turned in my resume for a part time position at the local Apple retailer. I hope I get it because I have been soooo bored here at home this week.
the house can only get so clean.

[jesus]

An apple a day

As much as i like getting the grease out from under my nails when I get home, working at an Apple store sounds like a good way to pass the time.

[Marcus Wilson]

Hero

Geoff your my hero.

[jesus]

WOW

I just found out that this Thursday at Jiffy Lube employees get Thanksgiving turkeys!
I have never gotten a turkey in my hat.
I also was informed that we get hams at Christmas, too bad I will be spending Christmas "working" on a cruise ship in the Caribbean along with my wife.
Sounds like swallow boy gets to have his turkey and eat it to.
But I'll be back in time for the New Years party!

(Just in case anyone think I am treating the work that "Regular Joes" do too lightly, I would like to say that I treat this job very seriously. I show up on time and bust my ass. I turely enjoy it and even take pride in being thorough in my inspection of each cars fluids.)

[Evan Young]

Jiffy Lube didn't replace the seal on one of my fluids last time I went. My mechanic told me not to go there any more.
enjoy your turkey.

[jesus]

I would say that in my opinion they are at times more concerned with speed than quality of service.
But I still do my best, and maybe that's because it isn't a "job" to me.
And in fact isn't that the joy in what we all do for a living? Performing is something we enjoy and thus do it well and strive to do better.
Its too bad so much of the world only has "jobs" and not professions.

(See I can be both sincere and snide.)

[Evan Young]

Hey, I just read my comment again and it looks kind of mean. It's not the store, it's the people who work there who create the quality results.

[Marcus Wilson]

I would let you change my oil.

[jesus]

Marcus, you should know two things:
1) that I live to change your oil and yours alone
2)Everything I know about you I learned from South Park