Jokes and One Liners

[Peter]

An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.

Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys.

"Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"

The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

[lucky john]

"i'm not really a comedian, i'm just a psycotic who's learned to market his illness."

lucky john

[lucky john]

"when i was 16 years old i didn't have much self esteem, didn't have any self confidence at all. at the time i had pretty long hair about four inches past my shoulders. however, i also had acne very bad, so much so i was ashamed to be seen in public. so whenever i walked down the street i would always look at the ground, that way my hair would cover my face and nobody could see me. then one day i saw this gentleman in a wheelchair being pushed towards me and i thought, wow! life really isn't that bad and i started to feel pretty good about myself. then as he went by me i could hear him say to his friend pushing him, DID YOU SEE THAT GUYS FACE!"

lucky john

[lucky john]

"i saw this hooker standing on the corner wearing fish net stockings....and there were dolphins stuck in them!"

lucky john

[Butterfly Man]

Juggling is making something unnecessary, difficult.