Martin Kicks Arse

[Stephon]

Originally posted by Magrat2005
just thought I'd let you guys know, I aint going nowhere just yet!!!

Good to know you listened to all those people who asked you to stay.

[Peter Voice]

Here, here, Firegirl.

And before you start Jester and Magrat.

JUST WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TELLING PEOPLE WHO CAN AND CAN'T POST AN OPINION ON P.NET?????

Did you help Jim build, develop, maintain or pay for this PUBLIC forum?

[Doctor Eric]

"This particular parrot is insured by Smith and Wesson"

"JUST WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TELLING PEOPLE WHO CAN AND CAN'T POST AN OPINION ON P.NET?????"

Yeah, what he said, rrraaAAWWWK!

[firegirl]

THIS IS ALL FOR THE BIRDS...

yah - what "master blaster" said...

plus, please add one:

IN YOUR FACE!


on a semi-unrelated note - i just told my flat-mate that "brine shrimp could think circles around jester and magrat."

how about some other things which could out think the dynamic duo?

come on, boys... you know you wanna...


EDIT:
a vacum cleaner sucks less...
a marber is sharper than...
a sack of hammers is smarter than...
an audit by the irs is funnier than...

those are all pretty standard though... come on! LET'S MAKE THIS FRIGGIN' THREAD FUN AGAIN... it had such promise with the "uber twat" of two days ago... !!

[martin ewen]

Wow!.....It's like I've died and gone to cantankerous heaven.

[jester]

Calm down Peter. Capital letters won't make you feel better and they certainly don't impress the sober.

Firegirl, I'm a little worried about people actually crying because of things that have been said here. I hope that isn't you but I rather suspect it might be.

Now if Magrat could just back off for a minute (thanks but I don't need you to do this for me right now) I'd like to explain to Firegirl, gently, why I insulted her.

It's because you insulted me, gently at first, but you were as Magrat puts it, like a parrot. I wasn't bullying you, you were just childish. Your vitriolic rants of hatred for me don't actually satisfy do they, it's like "Kill the Pig." You don't feel better for it, it just gets you going. I thought you were happy and wanted a reaction.

I'm not trying to inflame it again, I'm just going over what happened.

So you expressed you contempt for me and eventually I reciprocated. That is life. It is one thread and I assumed mistakenly that you could handle it. And afterwards in other threads you joked about it. I thought we were all happy.

Now Magrat. Please back off.

This was never meant to be a pretty thread, but I don't want Firegirl in tears.

The tone has just got too nasty now.

Some people need to reality check their lives, this is a forum, not real life.

[jester]

I have never said who can and can't post on pnet. Dr Eric, I don't know what your real problem is but I don't think you are part of the solution.

I am tempted to sit back and enjoy the floorshow, but Firegirl is your friend, I don't actually know Magrat so please for the sake of your friend just be a grown up for two minutes.

[Peter Voice]

Do you actually, know any-one, personally, at p.net Jester/Magrat?

Come on, is there any-one out there who'll admit to having met or seen these people or their acts? Or even seen them in a program somewhere?

[firegirl]

again - i cited other people's statements when expressing my agreement with them.

there is a difference between that and repeating what other say framed as your own argument. i note that you haven't jumped on anyone else who's used that reference method in their own writing.

i don't need you to explain your insults - i understand, it's what you do. fine, good. my point is that you need to BE BETTER AT IT because you pretty much suck now.

i'm all one for a good laugh - even at myself - and, your attempts to chide me/insult me have hardly solicited a chuckle.

i have never been made to cry because of something said on the p.net... and, i promise you not a thing you or your witless chum has said has even made me furrow my brow - let alone shed a tear.

here's some advice: the crux of being a good sarcastic writer is that your arguments have to a.) make sense and, b.) have foundations in reality. you have little grasp on either. you are unfunny. which isn't a crime. you could become funny - except you don't learn from your errors - you just keep repeating the same thing over and over... making it even less funny. until it's just plain old annoying.

you both want attention. that much is clear. i have wasted much time with you today - which is okay, as i've been lounging around my flat, reading a book and checking my email... at first it was amusing. now it's just perfunction - i reply because an email with your reply shows up in my email box...

i should just let you have the last word.

but, i too, was a forensics champ in high school... one of the few things i excelled at. and, to quote martin: you (both) leave loopholes too juicy to be ignored.

but, alas - i must retire from this frolic for the evening... as i have a life outside the p.net & have plans with an adorable, sexy man with burning eyes and hella hot tattoos... (a man who hasn't yet seen my clevage shirt du jour - which will only make sense to two individuals who may/may not read this portion of this post...) to have sushi this evening. (and, perhaps more if fortune smiles upon me.)

i bid you adieu...
k

[firegirl]

Originally posted by martin ewen
Wow!.....It's like I've died and gone to cantankerous heaven.

i told you i was cranky...

*BIG FUCKING GRIN*

okay - now i'm out...
later taters,
k

[Doctor Eric]

"I don't know what your real problem is but I don't think you are part of the solution."

What problem, what solution? There you go babbling incoherently again. What the !@#? are you talking about Jester? We already trudged (well, we trudged, you limped) through this. Each and every gallon of bile that has been tossed in your direction you have asked for, with a shit eating grin. You've jumped up in the air in a state of ecstacy with your eyes crossed and your multicolored pants around your ankles shouting "Thank you mistress, may I have another?" every time you've been kicked in the balls, except for the times when you've said "Hey, that one hurt, you guys are a bunch of bullies, you can't play with my dollhouse anymore!"
Repeatedly you've jumped into these no-holds-barred battles of intellect and wit, even though you are completely naked, with your fist held high, and your ego stapled to your chest. WHY? I've known some insane bastards in my time, but your particular brand of neuroses is really starting to disturb me.

I joined this board in 2002, and had a whopping ONE post under my belt before Martin hit me with the bitch stick... HARD. I remember sitting at my keyboard for two hours, fuming, struggling to retort. The problem is, Martin is not only smart and talented, he's also experienced, the guys post was airtight, and it was funny as hell, I knew I couldn't compete, and I'm not used to losing a battle of words. At the end of the second hour, I just started laughing uncontrollably. There is one major difference, besides the enormous girth of my genitals, and disgustingly good looks which can soak a pair of panties from 30 yards, between you and me.

I'm not a single-celled organism.

I know damn well if I go toe to toe with Martin who will end up holding the trophy, and who will leave beaten and bleeding with a ruptured colon.

The loose definition of crazy is repeatedly attempting the same action and expecting a different result.
The rock-solid definition of stupid is you, Jester.

You taunt Martin in some sick, deluded Oedipal fantasy, and he opens you up from navel to neckbone.
Then you cry about it (and somehow manage to tie in some ridiculous childhood trauma that just proves what a sad, whining sissy you really are).

I point it out and you throw the verbal equivalent of a styrofoam rock at me, but it completely misses it's mark. I give you two quick jabs to what I believe to be your testicles (although now I wonder if they might be ovaries), and a poke in the eye to boot, and you cry about it. And claim that people are ganging up on you.

WHY?

You know very well that Martin's IQ is roughly yours, cubed. You know that I'm smarter, funnier, and that I fight dirty, but you ask for it anyway.

And then you cry about it.

There is no "ganging up" on you, my first comment in this thread was pointing out how monotonous and transparently homosexual your taunts to Martin had become. It wasn't originally meant to hurt your feelings.

"Girl, don't go away mad... Just go away."

There IS no problem Jester, there IS no solution. Maybe you haven't figured it out yet, I use this board as a writing exercise, I don't come here to be nice (usually), but I'm probably not REALLY going to shoot you.

The only reason people "gang up" on you is because you are way too scattered and incomprehensible for any one to take your side. The day you say something intelligent, I'll be right behind you, cheering you on, giving you all the love and support that you never recieved at the orphanage. Hell, I'll even buy you a drink, and afterwards we'll go to the airport and watch the pigs land.






By the way, if I was bullying you, I'd have your wallet by now.

[Peter Voice]

You do have a lovely turn of words yourself sometimes, Doc.

[jester]

I don't know you Peter. But you seem to lack levity yourself these days?

I'm not dragging the few people who do know me in to this, they'd be understandably embarrassed. Did you not recently say this was a public Forum? I think I actually contributed some money to it once. Have you become the Pnet Concierge then?

Lets just say I get plenty of work and I am good at what I do and I'm happy.

I was in several of your newspapers in August of last year for a few reasons.

Thanks for the lecture Firegirl. I'm not trying to be funny. I'm conducting a social experiment. You are fascinating. I save the funny for my shows and my real life. I come here to learn.

If brine shrimp make you feel better then good. Maybe they do think more than I do, maybe they laugh at my jokes? Do you speak their language?

I'm laughing now. For a few minutes when you and Magrat kicked off I thought WW3 had started. I had this image of it being fought with fire poi and jugglers doing chops and I was really worried I'd miss it cos my foot wouldn't pass the medical.

What really is funny is that while you are so cleverly laughing AT me not with me, is that I am laughing at you laughing at me. Not because I am deluded as you might think, but because I really don't mind.

People keep telling me. Don't you know we are all laughing for the wrong reasons? Yep. I know. It is repeatedly spelt out to me time and time again by the same people who say I'M boring. And I don't get bored listening to it.

I'm laughing because Magrat spoke to you in a genuine form of English, a subculture, the sort of thing you get grants if you perform shakespeare in it, and you thought she couldn't spell. That was very multicultural of you wasn't it. It was the Dan Quayle potato moment all over again. An American correcting her English.

As for the attention starved. Are you all ignoring me then? Noooo. I get lots of attention. Sometimes people who don't know me even speak to me in CAPITAL LETTERS.

Mind you, if you were a Terry Pratchett fan that wouldn't be a good thing.

[Doctor Eric]

Originally posted by Peter Voice
You do have a lovely turn of words yourself sometimes, Doc.

Thanks, someday I'm coming to OZ and we're gonna get hammered and shoot guns at the moon.

[Peter Voice]

Writing letters to the Editor again, eh, jester?