What kinda kid were you at school??

[Butterfly Man]

slapped & paddled in the name of God

I wore a tie every day, also carried a bookbag (school requirement) ... was president of the National Honor Society until they discovered I masturbated almost every day.

[jester]

You masterbated every day? Before viagra? They gave you privacy? You superhuman Buttman.

If I could get it up every day I'd masterbate every day too.

Why do boys masturbate? Cos they can.

I knew a girl who told me she didn't think she had a clitoris. She told me that she never masturbated. I said "If you don't masturbate, you don't deserve a clitoris."

When I was at school the subject of masterbation was so taboo, sex was really cool and everyone reckoned they'd done it with someone at some exotic location where it could never be disproved, but nobody would even dream of admitting that they had played the pink oboe.

And there was me, sexually immature, at 16, no pubic hair, the only kid in my year with no pubic hair. I hated communal changing rooms and showers, no pubic hair and only the smallest inkling of what the fuss was all about.

And even I masterbated occasionally. Pointlessly at the time, but eventually it worked out.

Have I said to much... Yeah well once you've stood naked with no pubic hair in a changing room full of 16 year old bastards, the concept of shame is very quickly cured I can tell you. Not much has ever embarrassed me since.

[Magrat2005]

wow, this has gone waaaaaay OT, I'll get it back on topic...Butterfly, I had to wear a stupid tie as well....now I've got a new school uniform to wear it with hehehe

[Eveish]

So was everyone here was the loner kid? That is almost not suprising, why is it that the creative ones are always picked on!
At least it is us now who have the last laugh when we see poeple from our old schools...
Every time I see someone I used to go to school with they seem to be so envious of what I am doing now. They are all accountants or sitting in a dull office somewhere and watching TV every night... I am so glad that I'm not doing that! I am working as a performer, doing what I love and making people laugh every day that makes me happy. Yay for creativity! Yay for following dreams!

[Peter Voice]

Precocious and difficult to everbody concerned.
But, I was no more picked on or lonely than any-one else.

I was one of a few working class kids that went to a highly privileged, selective school dripping with traditions of family, sport and academia.
I cherish the fact that this school taught me that if I worked hard and believed in myself, I could do and be what I wanted. This, of course, led my rejection of the path my teachers had chosen for me and resulted in a variety of disasters.

I really can't objectively understand what I was like in other people's eyes.


Still can't.

[martin ewen]

I have no pubic hair, quick sew a bell on my cap.

I was loved by no-one and feared by many. I rewired the remote control console of the rich model airplane owning kid so I could watch his plane take off and then after 2 minutes the flaps would jam down and it would spiral into the dirt as all his butt kissing friends gasped in horror. I made my own vodka. I sent a priest to a mental institution by stacking the chairs and tables in the corner with the lights off, like at the end of term, with the class hidden underneath it , and then setting them all out again with people at their desks, all inside 2 minutes as he patrolled the hall until his mind snapped.
Some of my fearsome armory of tricks included, hair removing paste mixed liberally into victims hair conditioner, sometimes coupled with crushed barleysuger in the shower nozzle.
It was a religious boarding school and my parents sent me there even though they could not afford it because they admitted that I was just too much effort to control.
I stole a bottle of alter wine, drank half of it, pissed in it and put it back and myself and a select and trusted few went to daily mass for a week to watch a selection of priests turn my urine into the blood of christ and drink it.
I had keys to every room in the school and would charge people to examine their exam results.
We would sleep 50 people to a room and I cured snorers by plugging their nostrils with strongly flavored toothpaste (you do it at the point where they have just filled their lungs as their exhale, gives you time to run back to your bed and pretend to be sleeping for when they inhale and explode roaring with mentholated confusion.)
I had a pet rat. I stole our french teachers genuine ebony french police baton that he used to hit us on the top of the head with and it should still be lying where i buried it. By law you could only receive 6 strokes of the cane a day. I averaged 4 or 5 but on some days there was carryover. I held the record for the most caned pupil in the history of the school and now its illegal so my record still stands (500 something). I was always careful not to be caught doing anything that warranted expulsion because I liked school. It was interesting and guilt free. (my parents would weep with frustration but the priests just went grim and hit me which was easier to take.)
I played rugby, (compulsory) I ran long distance, (training for escaping enraged older people) and i was the school rep for high diving. I played tennis and swam a lot.
I was an unbeaten debater. I learned to classify and predict people. I hated classless dumb as pig shit bullies but i admired perps who chose their victims out of their own sense of justice and had any flair.
I disliked kids that were convinced they were superior only because they were not quite bright enough to realise how transparently stupid they appeared. People who confused childishness with wit. I disliked lots of people and still do. I made lots of people laugh and still do. I relied on my friends for far too much and still do.
It was a small measure of my maturity that when I left I did not go through with my plan of spiking the entire schools milk supply with freely available and intensely hallucinogenic datura (mexicans plant it round graveyards because they believe you can talk to the dead with it) nor did I ring bark all the oaks in the driveway.

Now lets start lots more interesting topics like this one. Oh I know!
If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?
This is all group bonding 101 bullshit.
We could also make subtopics about our favorite bands and fashion designers and chat about those.
Hold on I’ve just had a brilliant idea. We could all invite our audiences to share there lives with us here on p.net. Too fucking late, been done.
None of you are that interested in each other, you just want your moment in the spotlight. To presume anyone is interested in when exactly you sprouted pubic hair, its not a set up for a joke or anything, its just sprouted (sic) out there as a bald (sic) fact. Not content with the tedium of the present we now revisit our tedius pasts.
Could you people do us all a big favor and try and make you lives a wee bit more interesting before you opt for sharing them. Thanks so much.
Hey robert, anytime you want to pass on that bitter baton, I’m right here buddy, I’m ready.

[firegirl]

Re: I have no pubic hair, quick sew a bell on my cap.

Originally posted by martin ewen
I was loved by no-one and feared by many...

I was an unbeaten debater. I learned to classify and predict people...

I disliked lots of people and still do. I made lots of people laugh and still do. I relied on my friends for far too much and still do.

This is all group bonding 101 bullshit.

Could you people do us all a big favor and try and make you lives a wee bit more interesting before you opt for sharing them. Thanks so much.

Hey robert, anytime you want to pass on that bitter baton, I’m right here buddy, I’m ready.

the above selection of that semi-rant says so much.

very interesting... so, martin - how do you feel about your mother?

[martin ewen]

I appreciate her gift of life and respect her for not drowning me at an early age but her dress sense appalls me and I have a pathalogical aversion to the 70's group 'Three dog night' because of repeated infliction.
They sang a song called 'joy to the world.'
I'm on to my second therapist, this ones a keeper, she says things like. 'Just fake it.'
Why? whats your learned prognosis?
I know you're above it but I'll mention it just generally. Please don't take me seriously. This whole attitude things an act. There I've spelt it out for the irony deficient. Its a good act and I'll stick with it because it amuses primarily me and often, well sometimes, well ok occaisionally, others.
Notice how everbodies story evolved from nothing to something? I was making the nothing part as interesting as the now part, (By the use of a rare literary device called mostly lying)
Some of it was true. But mostly a reaction to the ugly duckling meme that seems to be used primarily by performers to plump up the reality they now enhabit. No-one noticed me, now everybody notices me/ I was unpopular, now they're all envious./ I used to have eyebrows, now I mostly work with fire.
So hows your mum?

[Magrat2005]

Martin....

so you think everyone else is serious? and do you ever see the irony in anything anybody else posts?

[firegirl]

Originally posted by martin ewen
irony deficient...

oh - that's awesome! can i steal that (or, borrow it anyhow?)

no - i didn't think you were 100% serious... but, i appreciated your humor. (being slightly on the sarcastic vein, myself.)

personally, i am still a very, very shy 'adorkable' woman and while i know people who think the opposite of me (oh kate, she's so gregarious & outgoing... everyone loves her!) i still feel socially inept -- and, occasionally prove it to people other than myself by acting like a complete idiot in front of members of the opposite sex whom i find attractive or blathering on about nothing in front of people of both sexes whom i want to respect me... i just have learned to put up a better front about my dorkalicious-ness than i did in high school.

my mum's wonderful. she and my dad just bought a vacation house in upstate new york. she's rightly horrified that i've revived my fire show & that i've procured a new tattoo... she much prefers me with no permanant markings and working as a movement professor at some "legitimate" theatre company or university...

though, when you put a couple of shots of whisky into her - her irish accent comes out and she starts talking about how she and my aunt stalked the beatles in the 60's... talks of progressive politics and living in a commune in oregon before i was born... and, at this point it's not too hard to see how/why i've become who i've become.


my sarcasm and chess ability come from my dad.

*grins*

[Cybele]

Goddamnit, Martin

Warn somebody, willya?

I just hurt my arse falling off the chair lauging.

M'kay, here it is:

When I was in school, my hair looked really nice.

I was a cheerleader and everyone liked me.

I got wonderful grades and was voted Homecoming Queen every year I was in highschool.

I never did drugs and always tipped well at our local pizza parlor.

I never thought anyone was boring and stupid, and went out of my way to be nice to the unfriended.

Okay, that's enough, I can't type anymore; my nose is touching the screen.

[martin ewen]

The irony deficient thing is common property. I suspect your being ironic in asking me for it.
So many levels, games within games. (sound of head imploding)

[firegirl]

actually - no i wasn't.

i'd never heard it before. and, now that i know it's common property i won't feel bad about lifting it and putting it into some show somewhere...

i don't like playing games. i tend to lean towards the "straightforward." granted, that straightforward lean can be snarky and sarcastic... but, you know where it's coming from & don't have to guess at my motives.

for example - the asking about the mum thing was me trying to be silly.

anyhow. off to launder.

[Butterfly Man]

I had pubic hair @ 11

Don't forget to seperate your whites.

[firegirl]

I'M WEARING A PINK BRA

i actually got a red sock stuck in my whites this afternoon... ironic that i should read that now.

hm.