The adventures of Fire Beard the Pirate

[Spike McGuire]

So today I decided it was finally time to get around the torch juggling act I have been threatening to do, so, to my back yard I went. I decided fire breathing could be a nice touch, so I went to do a practice spit, and after a few minutes of figuring out the best way to extinguish a flash fire on my face I was off to the ER.

A man in scrubs approached and ask what the problem was, “fire breathing accident” I replied. He asked for my name, wrote it on the sheet looked back at my face, simply shook his head and said “God damn, Sean.”

Next I found myself on a bed shirtless, wired with those little round things, and being told where all I was burned . “Your chin, your mouth, your cheeks, your nose, your eyelashes are singed as are you eyebrows, nose hair and a little of your regular hair. Also here on your chest. “No” I replied, “my chest got sun burned.”

Turns out I made it all the way to second degree burns, so the wrapped my up, coated me in anti-biotic ointment and sent me on my way.

So I guess the question is when did it all become worth it? The answer, when I got a date with the incredibly hot nurse that dressed my wounds.

Just another day at the office.

-----Spike

[Stephon]

God damn, Sean

First--sorry that happened, hope you recover quickly.

Second--so what exactly went wrong?

[Spike McGuire]

First, thanks.

Secondly, I don't know what went wrong, but I suppose it could be good information to have.

After it happened I didn't so much do the, how could I avoid that in the future? I more just batted at my face like a fat kid with a pocket full of honey walking through a bee hive.

-----Spike

[Chris Griffith]

sheesh

Sorry to hear about your accident.

I can relate to the ER response - seven years ago I fell off my stilts and landed completely on my left arm fracturing it in several places.

For some reason them docs seem to think we should have listened to our mothers' warnings.

I hope you keep your sense of humor & that your recovery isn't too painful. (Though, if that nurse gets involved in it, how could it be painful?)

[Doctor Eric]

Has no one yet pointed out that you're a dumbass?

I'll be the first. You're a dumbass. And I don't mean that in my usual tongue-in-cheek-I'm-surrounded-by-idiots kind of manner. I mean it. You're a dumbass. Ready for the blow by blow?

1) Blowing fire is just plain stupid, and I walk on broken glass for a living, so I KNOW stupid, inside and out. It's eye-candy, a gimmick, and it's not worth it. Plus, lighting your face on fire is NOT the worst thing that can happen to you, I have some posts on here somewhere about chemical pneumonia. It's fun, try it sometime.
B) What in the ever loving !@#?in !@#?-soaked name of !@#? were you doing blowing fire ALONE, without a wet towel on hand, ANYWAY?
3) Go to your room, face the corner, and think about what you've done. Then, read 1 and B again. Repeat, ad infinitum.
16) If you insist on lighting your face on fire (speaking of which, when you go on your date with the nurse, take her to a mexican joint, she'll be able to dip tortilla chips in your face), next time, instead of batting at it like someone who has no buisiness blowing fire alone in their backyard, cover your face COMPLETELY with your hands, don't let ANY gaps lie where there might be burning fuel, for about 5 seconds, and then smear down and outwards with your hands, the fire should be out. I accidentally threw a quarter gallon of burning coleman fuel onto my face while building a crowd, using the method above, I put out the fire completely, didn't get burned at all, and finished the show.

I would say that I'm sorry you got hurt, but then again, it wasn't MY fault, now was it.

Be safe, or be dead, see if I care.

[Stretch]

Talk about setting a terrible example! Yikes! I'm just happy you weren't hurt worse. You could have lost your nose, your vision, or worse. I met a guy with only half a nose, and it wasn't pretty. I've two cousins burned over 40% with 3rd degree, and it isn't pretty, not by a long shot. I know you are young and imortal, but with your background I expected better judgement. Heal fast, learn faster!

[Spike McGuire]

Doctor E,

If it makes you think any better of my, It wasn't going to be a cheep gimmick. It was going to be a throw away sight gag.

-----Spike

[scot]

sunglasses make you look cool.

[Rex Boyd]

Doctor Eric,

Could you please tell us how you manage to ACCIDENTALLY throw a quarter gallon of burning Coleman's fuel in your face?


yours curiously,

Rex

[Pyromancer]

Firebreathing is risky, yes, and if used as a gimmick you might asked yourself if it's worth it.

But if you have to do it, don't use Coleman or any other highly inflammable substance. Becaue that is where it went wrong. It's the kind of fuel that make most fire actions just plain stupid. By far the most ugly accidents happen with highly flammable substances.

Just stick to ultrapure lamp oil, check my site to see what you can do with it. And apart from chemical pneumonia, I never had any serious accident. But hey, how many broken arms or stretched muscles other performers suffer from their actions?

[Pyromancer]

Re: Has no one yet pointed out that you're a dumbass?

Originally posted by Doctor Eric I accidentally threw a quarter gallon of burning coleman fuel onto my face while building a crowd, using the method above, I put out the fire completely, didn't get burned at all, and finished the show.

You are either bragging, or have incredibly large hands. Big enough to gather a crowd without using fire. Just sticking them up should be enough to stop people. Shock and awe...

No frikkin way you can get away with half a gallon of burning Coleman in your face in the way you describe, because it will drip all over and not just stick on your face and if I cover the center of my face, part of my cheeks and my ears still stick out. And then five seconds is enough to burn them, or your clothes, or your hair, etcetera...

[The Amazing Beaumanz]

pyro is correct as many of us know when talking about the type of fuel being used.

Other points...

Where you watching the torch in your hand to determine the direction of the wind?? Not doing so could cause the fire to "blow back". You MUST spit in the direction the wind is blowing!!!

Always have a wet towel in your hand, or very accessible!!!

I have been doing this trick for almost 15 years years now and, (knock on wood) luckily I have never been burned or had chemical pneumonia. It is very important also, that you take steps to insure the safety of your audience!!!!

Safety, Safety, Safety !!!!

[Pyromancer]

Originally posted by The Amazing Beaumanz

Where you watching the torch in your hand to determine the direction of the wind?? Not doing so could cause the fire to "blow back". You MUST spit in the direction the wind is blowing!!!

Always have a wet towel in your hand, or very accessible!!!
[/B]

If you breath in the direction of the wind, there's a fair chance of the flame coming towards your face as well. The wind passing your head, creates a vacuum, causing a stream of air towards your face, taking the flame with it. If you want to see what I mean, hold an empty matchbox in front of a candle and blow in it, and then watch the behaviour of the flame.

Again: if you use the correct type of fuel, it's not that dangerous. I've had a flame in the face many times and it only burned my eyelashes and eyebrows and it never continued to burn.

[Doctor Eric]

erm... OK

"Could you please tell us how you manage to ACCIDENTALLY throw a quarter gallon of burning Coleman's fuel in your face?"

Uh, alright. It's winter, in New Orleans, and it's cold, windy, and dead. There's just enough people in town to pull off a show. I'm broke. So, I realize the only way I'm gonna build a crowd in this weather is to pour out energy, lot's of it. So I turn on some music, light my torches (I eat fire), and start setting up my circle, but I'm pretty frantic and hectic about it, because I want to build a good, solid edge before I start talking, and building more of a crowd, so I keep moving, and relighting my torches once they go out, which is pretty quick in the wind. Now the wind can blow all of the flame away from a torch-head so much that it will look like it's out, when it's actually still burning, so in my haste to re dip, I inadvertantly light my Nalgene bottle full of fuel on fire. No big deal, it's happened before, I cover the top and smother the flame right? On any other occasion, yes. But, this time, in my desperation to build a crowd on an impossible day, I PICK UP the bottle, THRUST it towards my anxiously puckered face, and blow, hard. Not only was this stupid, it was also so cold that I wasn't even aware that I lit my face on fire for a sec, I looked up, at everyone staring at me, aghast, and slowly noticed everything was orange. I then put out my face via the method described below, set up my mic, and attempted to keep cool, and act like it was all part of the show as I said my first words, asking my crowd to pull in closer to the moron that just nearly disfigured himself for life. Does that answer your question Rex? I am glad that my experiences with my troupe had led me to witness, second hand, the acts of complete idiots on multiple other occasions, and had to put out a few other faces, before I was forced to extinguish my own.

By the way Spike, the fact that there are others dumbasses, like myself, in the universe does not excuse you.

[Doctor Eric]

If you've never read this Spike, I suggest you scroll down to my post about chemical pneumonia:

http://www.performers.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=434&perpage=20&highlight=chemical%20pneumonia&pagenumber=2

And here's another reason not to blow fire, you can't tell jokes with a mouthful of lamp-oil.