Fight of the Century

[Butterfly Man]

I ain't igorant, I'm edumacated!

Originally posted by Dan Holzman
I don't know which I find to be more tedious , Robert with his infantile ramblings or Martin with his juvinlile attempts at psychoanalysis.

Hey, it's all paid off ... he spelled infantile correctly and came pretty damn close on juvenile and best of all he used them properly in a single sentence ... you've come a long way, baby!

Extra points on spelling psychoanalysis right also ... typing slow helps doesn't it?

[Dan Holzman]

How the mighty have fallen

Dear Readers,

I'm going to ask Jim if it's ok? To delete Robert's last post because it might be viewed by some as distastefull to see how far this once proud comedy warrior has fallen.

No vallant, but failed attempts at humor or poetry, no biting wit or sarcasm ,just a beaten man searching for typos. Sad Robert, very very sad.

I guess the fight is over and I have won. A victorious chapter has been added to my legend, and on my lodge wall hangs a new scalp, one who's lack of hirsuteness it easily made up for in it's colorful garishness.

I have exploited the Butterfly man as much as I can for my own insatiable ego's sake and have easily defeated him in this little self imposed popularity contest. Most amazingly of all I have done so with no help from any of my cronies( some of whom are professional jugglers)

I suppose it was never a fair fight to begin with, but don't worry Robert I have found a new opponent for you to challange, one who even you might be able to beat in a joke writing contest. His name is Joe Joe, but go easy on him, he's a newbie.

I have used my cruel, self absorbed, attention seeking comedy bulldozer to the best of my ability, and now it is time for me to retire undefeated.

Martin, I have no quarrel with you, in fact I have found your posts to be very funny and entertaining , but please stop now before I am forced to turn my rapier wit with it's lazer-like intensity in your direction. For god's sake isn't there enough blood and bile on my hands allready.

Im sure this fight has cost me some friends, and even allienated my long time partner, but that was a cost I was willing to pay. I had lurked in silence long enough seeing the sway this self styled Calligula-lite, Butterfly man held over this poor misguided group. Now, I have broken his powerful trance of total inanity. and pulled back his thick truth obscuring curtain of self agrandizing hype, releasing you from his matrix of mediocrity.Be free I tell you, Be free!

It might take a while for people to appreciate the service I have done for the performers here, and believe me, I don't expect you all to thank me right away. I'm sure awareness of my greatness and munificence will grow inside of you like a tumor until it is so large that you will find the shape of your flimsy flesh envelopes changed forever.

Sure, maybe I don't really have that much to be proud of. Beating a man who thinks the words be and melee rhyme, but it's my victory and I'll dance if I want to.

Perhaps If my daddy had given me the love I longed for as a child this whole scenario would have come out differently. I wouldn't feel the need to right every injustice I see, I wouldn't still wet the bed and cry myself to sleep in a pool of my own tears and urine, but god knows I do.

Before I end this post, there is one man who I feel I have done a grave injustice to. Peter Voice

Peter, when I said that I had seen your show, and that it disgusted me, and that it created a black hole of lame so powerful it sucked in all the funny from a two mile radius, I had gotten you confused with Peter Gross. I'm sorry. I'm sure you suck in your own way, but I have yet had the pleasure of witnessing it.

I would like to thank all of you who were to scared to post, but who did send me private e-mails of support. I would also like to thank God without whose greatness my gift for bringing laughter into the world would not be possible. Most of all I would like to thank my opponent Robert Nelson.

Robert, I hope my beating you like a small retarded red headed step child has not hurt our friendship. I wish you all the best in your future endeavors. I remember one time you told me you wanted to do a show about W.C. Fields, an overated comic and juggler who had a drinking problem and an over sized proboscis.Good luck, I truly can't see anyone else more perfect for the part.

Farewell sport's fans,
Dan( basking in the warmth of his victory) Holzman

[martin ewen]

Lazor wit

"but please stop now ¨
Way to go champ.

How was the monday jugglehug? Get all the support you needed?

¨rapier wit with it's lazer-like intensity ."
I´ve met dandruff more intimidating.
But I haven´t had this much fun on p.net for ages and so owe you a dept of gratitude for that.
Perhaps one day we could put this behind us and you could employ me to housekeep your summer home, or even just wash your car or put your dogs poo in plastic bags for you.
You don´t have a dog? Perfect! I ´ll be your dog.

[peeper]

Now. Let me see if I understand this: Dan is competing with Rob for either juggler of the century or limericist of the century but Rob doesn't want to play, or only wants to play when he has organized the play date; Martin likes to push buttons and see which ones set off neat explosive waves that he can feel all the way through the rain in Spain; Barry sends his love to Dan who returns it with vituperation and then spreads his too well remembered wealth of adolescent vulgarity that fixes on his buttocks (or Cher's), to the rest of the forum after promising to withhold himself; Robert and Martin chuckle calculatingly, knowing that they've razzed someone into a real or imagined frenzy; Peter recognizes the "granma" quality of the fight and wishes to move on, only to be called a bottom feeder in the annals of street performing; Taxi expresses his preference for hominid mammaries over bestial ones. Have I missed anything? Misspelled anything?

[Stephon]

Kiss it, just kiss it

Originally posted by Dan Holzman
Peter, when I said that I had seen your show, and that it disgusted me, and that it created a black hole of lame so powerful it sucked in all the funny from a two mile radius, I had gotten you confused with Peter Gross.

While my response is sincere, it is predicated on several presumptions. If any of them are incorrect, then please disregard part number 2.

The presumptions are as follows:
- You made that comment seriously. Given your questionable idea of "comedy" and the lack of any emoticons of other indicators as to your intentions, I have no way of knowing if you were trying to be funny, and therefore have to assume that you meant what you said.

-You are, in fact, Dan Holzman, and not someone trying to be clever (I say "trying", because lying about your identity in a medium where no one can see or hear you takes little skill and less intelligence).

-You are not just a friend of Peter's out to bust his balls. To the best of my knowledge, that is not the case.


Given that those presumptions are correct--

As a friend of Peter Gross and a fan of his work, I'd like to say: 1) You are quite simply wrong, and 2) I have removed this portion of my post. Unprovoked attacks on my friends are a hot-button issue with me, and my response was knee-jerk and tacky. Needless to say, it was vulgar and personally insulting, and in no way addressed the issue at hand. To anyone who read it before I had time to remove it, I apologize

[Butterfly Man]

Re: How the mighty have fallen

Originally posted by Dan Holzman
maybe I don't really have that much to be proud of.

Oh, but you do ... with a 2 bedroom, 1 bath in Pinole and a semi-attractive wife ... you deserve to be proud ... (and don't forget you learned two new words as well) ... all that hard work has paid off.

A pity about your truncated hips though ... might I suggest a thighmaster?

[Dan Holzman]

final thoughts

Robert,

Truncate means to shorten.
Are you really responding to my brutally castigating post by saying I have shortend thighs. oh the humanity! Why are you attacking me so viciously?

First You insulted my mother, now your going after my house and wife. What's next my pets? I do have a dachshund, maybe you can use your extensive vocabulary to get a rise out of him. his legs really are truncated, and he's extremely sensitive about it.

Robert please tag out of this match, slap Martin's hand and beg him to take over for you full time, at least then I would have a worthy adversary to verbally fence with. Or better yet maybe I should sink to your level. Ok here goes:

Boy Robert, the closets in your house are sort of messy, and your wife really isn't that tall. May I suggest a toaster oven.

How was that?


Stephon, I admire the way you stick up for your friends. I apoligize for my unprovoked attack on Peter, and appreciate your decision to delete certain segments of your last post.

Martin, I hope to have the pleasure of meeting you one day and having a good laugh over this entire escapade.

Robert, I know I've been naughty, I hope there are no hard feelings. You've shown you can dish it out, but can you take it too?

Hasta la vista baby,
Dan( living happily ever after with his lovely wife in a three bedroom, three bath house in Pinole) Holzman

[Butterfly Man]

... a three Bdrm, 3BA house ... ooo, sorry

Tee hee ... tee hee

P.S. Your Christmas cards suck.

[Mr.Taxi Trix]

What happened to the juggler who fell into the Canal ?


In 1944, there was a juggler, performing on the streets of Amsterdam. He liked to tip a few back after the shows, and one night after a long round at the bar, he was riding his unicycle home, when, at his right turning point, he wheeled it left, straight into the canal.
Butterfly, Gazzo, and Nick found him twenty years later, still on the uni, a clean, white skelaton, permanent smile plastered in place.

“Christ, just shows the evil of drinking too much”, said Gazzo.

“Fuck’s sake” chimed in Nick, swigging his cole brew.

Butterfly looked sadly on, and asked “Jesus, is Sunny Holiday
doing uni now, too?”

[em]

drue

The lovely Texan Drue did that but it wasn't a uni, it had 2 wheels and no brakes. And he had to get on a plane the next day stinking of the canal and all its diesel as he had no spare clothes...ah Drue...(he kept the bike up though as he sank)

[The Pretty Good]

Re: Looking for Contenders

[QUOTE]Originally posted by nick nickolas

How about an Olly off between Brant and Scott Free ?

I dont know who those other guys are but...
Brendan OLLIE

[scot]

I'm not going to say that you're too old to do anything good now, I don't know how good you were in your respective primes.

I believe that each joke post had one worthy joke. By those standards, Dan won the competition. Buttman's limericks were better... You know me, I don't like to cause any turbulence.

I also think that BrendanPG's video was the best thing in this thread. If anyone is reading this first, Just watch the video.

[Butterfly Man]

Butterfly Man vs GReg Cohen

http://www.juggle.org/discussion/

starts at 'belly up to the bar' last week

ends with the 'Mission Accomplished' thread



GReg gregory Cohen (owns Infinite Illusions)

vs.

King of Dicks (me)


I was representing the Renegade Juggling (official spokesman)


rules of the forum
1) business matters only
2) no personal attacks
(or you get deleted)


(aww forget it ... it's boring ...you shoulda been there)



I am taking legal action.


He picked on the wrong asshole!

[Doctor Eric]

You're right Robert, that was boring. It's guys like that that give white people such a bad name, perfect stereotypical uptight, having no fun parade-pisser. I would actually suggest after seeing what a jackass he is, that jugglers not bother to buy his gear. Of course, I can't juggle and I make all my props (or have them made), still, as an artist it repeatedly pisses me off that guys like this are dicking around in the arts community, why hasn't he answered his true calling and opened up a McDonald's franchise? Or a starbucks, he seems like that kind of bastard. And he'd make alot more money.

Okay, on re-read, that's a bit harsh, damn this new espresso is strong...

[Butterfly Man]

I am very serious about this!

I have retained an attorney in Florida ... I intend to create a media circus around this event.

I intend to drop a line to MSNBC re "Juggler sues Clown for Slander"

Infinite Illusions is based in Tallahassee, Florida.

I was a member of the FSU Flying High Circus back in '69 ... THE main juggler there was Dickie Brinson ... he is now the director of The Flying High Circus based also in Tallahassee.

Good luck GReg.

Dickie presented me with a brand new Circus patch when I did a show there ... I was never the main juggler back then, I did mostly rigging. I don't want that to become known.