Fight of the Century

[Dan Holzman]

see that wasn't so hard

Dear Robert,
Nice job on the jokes and poem. Now, don't you feel better? I thought you seemed to be getting a bit complacent over here, and might like a little attitude thrown your way.
I've had my fun, but now it's time for me to turn my energy towards more serious pursuits like internet poker. I love Texas hold-em and try to play a couple of online tournaments every week.
Let me know if your in town, and I'll give you a call.
Best wishes ,
Dan

P.s. I take back all of the mean things I said, except the part about you being a seal loving hippie.

[Butterfly Man]

Re: Three jokes

Originally posted by Dan Holzman
1) Q: Why is a waterway in New York like the silence after one of Butterfly's jokes?

A: The first is Erie, The second is eerie

2) Challange it to a jokewriting contest. It won't make a poodle screw, but it will make a Papillon nuts.

3) The reason Robert and his wife are so compatible is that she uses pressure to fold, and he folds under pressure.

There you go Nick, I used your Three topics and wrote a limerick.

Robert Nelson is not happy
because his posts are all so crappy
all he does is cower
and use corn flower
to clean out the stains in his nappy

Maybe you'll find that my attempts at humor don't compare with the incoherent ramblings of the Butterfly man's post, but that's a chance I'm willing to take. No matter what , I think this will answer the question of who backs down first.

Once again I'll give the 500 pound gorilla a chance to earn his bananas.

Dan (the 800 pound gorilla) Holzman

... I hope you're better with cards.

[Dan Holzman]

back at ya B-Man

What happened to the juggler who fell in the canal?

he got his balls wet and wanted to shower



How do you make a performing poodle hump your leg?

promise it a role in the next Benji movie



Why do Japanese wives fold clothes so well?

Because they're so good at Oragami

There once was a spanish clown named happy
who slept under a sarape
when his tamale went sour
he added sweet corn flour
but that just made it sappy



Robert,
Here are three more jokes, and another limerick.
The ball is back in your court. Try to do better next time. That Gills mess joke really sucked. If you want I can write you some new jokes that you can copy and paste into your act, I hear there is plenty of room.
Take care,
Dan

[Butterfly Man]

Shank your bogey

What happened to the juggler who fell into the Canal?

He self-absorbed himself and passed away.



How do you make a performing poodle hump your leg?

You stick your toe in his ass and bounce his balls on your putter.




Why do Japanese wives fold clothes so well?

Their threads bare re pleating




I’ve no clue what’s the matter with you
Why you yahoo instead of yoo-hoo
A corny old clown
With your flower of frown
Squirting cock-a-doodle-doo-doo

Your ill-equipped wit, infantile
And your jokes at their best, juvenile
Delusions puerile
Transfusions penile
You’re one defunct non-erectile

So I’m happy to splatter your matter
Fry your ego in batter and scatter
With a whack & hack
Like that guy in Iraq
To hand you your head on this platter

[Scot Free]

Re: Looking for Contenders

Originally posted by nick nickolas
How about an Olly off between Brant and Scott Free ?

OLLI

[Dan Holzman]

what's that smell?

I think it's your jokes.

I guess your trying to make up for your lack of quality with an equally bad lack of quantity. Here are three more jokes so you can see how it should be done.

What happened to the juggler who fell in the canal?

He caught a radical fish in each hand and got a ring around the collar


How do you make a performing poodle hump your leg?

Breed it with a pit bull, and it will always be a little horny.



Why do Japanese wives fold clothes so well?


Because they marry old decrepit men,and want to make sure there's at least one thing in the house that doesn't have wrinkles





Maybe you should stop now, and not embarrass yourself anymore. Those last three jokes were truly dreadful. Why don't you just go off and smoke another happy stick. That way you can pretend this is a bad dream, and that you're still the king.


Here is a poem that I think sums thing up pretty well

I know what's the matter with you
an old fart who hasn't a clue
a beaten down loser
and former abuser
who's lost the power to screw

your energy is still quite manic
but now you're starting to panic
you say you're not gay
but with men you stray
and go down like the Titanic

maybe it's time you retire
and sit beside the fire
but if you can't
and want to continue to rant
then for jokes, it's me you should hire

Say goodnight Gracie.

[jester]

Dan dan dan...

Dan.

Butterfly man gave you a very big head start. To us nuetrals he gave you so much moral high ground with his mean postings.

You Threw it away. He caught you up. He bided his time and let you taunt and he played you.

Sorry man. This judge is reluctantly declaring Butterfly the winner. But I think you'll be back.

[Dan Holzman]

Ok be that way

Jester,
You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but is this a joke writing competition or a popularity contest? If you read all of the jokes and poems we've both written and want to declare his to be better then mine, so be it. We'll put you down as the first vote.

If you are voting on who you think is nicer or on higher moral ground, I think you're missing the point. I have never claimed to be nicer then the Butterflyman, just a better joke writer.

I mean how can you be nicer then a man who let one of the kids from the special olympics draw on top of his head.

Thanks for taking part in the "fight of the century",

Dan

[Dan Holzman]

more fuel for the fire

Jester here are three more jokes to help you decide, please disregard the mean comment to Robert at the bottom, it might cost me some valuable congeniality points.

What happened to the juggler who fell in the canal?

He pulled in his partner, and made a team Rootberry float.


How do you get a performing poodle to hump your leg

Slip it an Alpodisiac.


Why do Japanes wives fold clothes so well

Because they find their happiness in creases


Come on Robert are you going to play with me, or are you too busy playing with yourself.

Dan

[Stephon]

Yep. That clinches it--Robert wins.

[nick nickolas]

ding ding

Well...I think Robert is ahead hands down on the limericks and just marginally ahead on the jokes.....

But his Ace in the Hole was the worlds thinnest books (even though I wasn't included!).....

Not sure how many rounds this is to go 'till someone throws in the towel...

How about worlds fattest books ????

Bums are good in bed because ???

Clowns make such bad alcholics because ???

Tim Eric is scared of leaving U.S.A. because???

Ding Ding round 5.....

[Butterfly Man]

Game ... set ... no much of a match ...Taxiiiiii!

Near a showboat of jugglers of note
Fell an out-voted bloated zygote
His alimentary canal
Had a seizure, grand mal
Now his shit’s not quite making footnotes

Not much left in that noodle but strudel
As he offers his leg to a poodle
His closing new trick
To suck everyone's dick
While drooling oodles of kits and caboodles

I care not that his wit’s not so stellar
As a comic, a second rate teller
Jap wives folding clothes
Weave my loathes into coves
Beneath cellars of pride, Cinderella

[Dan Holzman]

I've got pictures of the judges with fa

I've been bamboozled! I think you are all on some kind of contact high from being too close to the Butterflyman. I'm glad he gets the respect here that he fails to receive anywhere else, but ahead in the jokes....inconceivable.

I give this contest till this weekend to see if anyone is on my side before I officially throw in the towel. Im sure if I get all the rest of this forum reader's votes I'll win 4 to 3.

Enjoy your moment in the sun Butterfly man, but please stay here in this forum where it's cool and moist with love for you , because in the outside world your comedy wings would quickly shrivel up and die.

Best wishes,

Dan

[Dan Holzman]

rm animals

[Butterfly Man]

Pathetic, isn't he?

Jesus, I think he might have hurt himself ...



I sure hope you can accept genetics
Your mother must be quite sympathetic
It isn't your fault
'Twas her rape and assault
By those retarded canine epilileptics


Someone call 911 ...


on second thought ... never mind.