Australia

[Neil Brown]

Hey Everyone

Belated Happy Birthday, Evan.

I got this e-mail from a friend of mine from our juggling club- perhaps of general interest. (I leave it as his text.)

__________________________________________________ _____________

just a quick note to warn you about the perils
of travelling to australia.

after arriving in the country i approached the
baggage x-ray machine without a care in the
world. the customs officer manning it was a large
aussie fella and seemed similarly cheerful.
however, as my hand-luggage went through the
machine, sirens started to go off and there was
much mutual soiling of underwear as there
appeared to be a problem. the big guy, his face
stricken with panic, quickly called for back-up
while eyeing me suspiciously. after removing my
bag from the machine, with great care he opened
it. at which point it was obvious that his worst
fears had been realised. he reached inside my bag,
and took out ... JUGGLING BALLS! these are clearly
a leathal weapon in australia, and a major
terrorist threat. which is unfortunate, because he
happened to find nine of them. (thankfully he
didn't decide to do a full body cavity search to
see if i had anymore concealed about my person).

the customs officer lined up the offending articles
of circus-related paraphernalia and we exchanged
serious looks.

"it's okay sir," he said, "i'm just going to have to
cut one open."

"WHAT!?" i screamed indignantly, but there was little
i could do as he viciously slashed at and lacerated
one of my prized possesions in a manner reminiscent
of a blood-crazed serial killer (perhaps 'customs
officer' was merely his day job?). unfortunately he
discovered that it was full of a deadly substance,
known in australia as 'seeds'.

"crickey!" he exclaimed, and explained to me that if
i dropped one it could spilt open and destroy the
world. I pointed out that i wasn't that sort of
juggler, but my pleas of infallibility went unheard.
i even tried to persuade him to take me instead -
anything but my precious juggling balls - but to no
avail. he disposed of them without ceremony, and
inside a small part of me died.

still, in retrospect, it's probably a good thing that
i decided against buying those telescopic metal
nunchucks i saw in bangkok.

and so, to conclude, the moral of the story is: don't
take juggling balls (beanbags that is) to australia
because they will most likely be confiscated and
destroyed. in fact, it probably would have been easier
just to say that in the first place rather than give
you a few hundred words of waffle. erm ... sorry.

stay safe,

2bags

__________________________________________________ _____

[LUCKY DIAMOND RICH]

Well give it a little time man,and we can only hope that they will start to confiscate ,JUGGLERS!
The if the hevens permit maybe even MAGICIANS,especially CLOSE UP MAGICIANS!(the ones with their given name in their surname are sitting ducks)

May be this is just a dream,you never know what the future brings.Lets wait and see!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LDR

[AJJames]

Jim, may i suggest moving this to specific countries,
but while we're on the subject, Hi there Neil, I'll try my best to explain to others the reason why one shouldn't take seeded juggling balls to Oz,Its nothing to do with terrorism, it's a serious environmental issue!
Australia has, in the past, made irreversable blunders regarding their ecosystem ,by introducing non-indigenous animals and plants. Fortunately they have cottoned on to their past mistakes and now go to great pains to prevent any organic matter what so ever getting introduced and potentially causing havoc in the environment.
its a good job they are aware of it but the policy can be enforced clumsily and inconsistently.
I don't know whats safe or dangerous to the aussie ecosystem and nor do customs officers , they aren't biologists , so they just say no organic matter end of story.
hope your Aussie experience isn't tainted too much.

[Chance]

Neil-

When coming into the Auckland airport last month, complete with 75lbs of gear including chains and locks, the only thing the agent wanted to know was did I carry those bean bag balls. I do, but I (rightly) told her that I had bought them in Australia 6 years ago. I was passed through without any trouble.

[Peter Voice]

I just sent the following letter to several newspapers that regularly publish my rantings and thought it worth putting up here because I do attack US politics and wish to let every-one know what I think of Australia's Govn't..

"Outside parliamentary privilege and with full knowledge of libel law, I wish to call John Howard a chronic misleader of the Australian public. I accuse him of blatantly lying and propagating lies over an extended period to both houses of Parliament, the media and thus the electorate.
I accuse the Prime Minister of Australia of abuse of his office and wish I could get my opportunity to take this issue to court.
I think a considerable number of my fellow Australians might like to contribute to such an event."

I used to be proud to be an Australian

[jugglermatt1]

A friend of a friend was once entering Australia , with her trolleyload of performing stuff , was accosted by the customs men .She then proceeded to tell them that it was all for practice purposes and was doing well , until they saw a photo of her performing in Japan , with hat full of money and everything .
" Ive just been deported from Australia " were the words used as she reentered England .