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[Evan Young]

Aparently girls get things called menstral cramps once a month, and apparently for some girls it's extreemly painfull.
My poor little sister got food poisioning last night and couldn't hold down the muscle relaxers she takes to deal with "cramps". So I spent the night sitting on the bathroom floar holding a heat pad on her back to ease the pain while she puked in the toilet.
I'm starting to understand why all girls are crazy.

[ 12-21-2002: Message edited by: Evan Young ]</p>

[martin ewen]

Today i woke up, I found a big bit of gunk in the corner of my eye, it was bigger than normal, I wish that didn't happen. I found that the dog had shat downstairs so I had to clean that up. It must be hard being a dog and not having opposable thumbs so that you could use doorknobs.
I suddenly remember that my great great grandparents are dead and that makes me sad.
Wes and I are going to Stratton skifield today because I have a gig there.
You don't know Wes and I'm not going to tell you about him you know why?
Because the internal dialouge of my day to day life and the minute detail and the little thoughts that in time I will recognise as embarressing are nobodys fucking business but my own.
On another matter how about when pubic hair starts happening wow isn't that a trip.

[Evan Young]

Heh, join me as I discover the world!

yea, sorry about that. It was inspired by Robert's ass. Unlike Robert, I can still use my youth as an excuse for this kind of thing.

So anyway, what I really ment to say was, "being home with my family sucks" and "I can't wait to get back on the road".

There's that and; I was kinda trying to bait you guys into saying somthing funny, cuz I was trying to come up with jokes about it (for fun) and it wasn't working. Should I wait until I'm better rested before experimenting on p.net?

happy hollidays!

[ 12-21-2002: Message edited by: Evan Young ]</p>

[martin ewen]

Well I'm back from the skifield gig, I check Pnet because after posting first thing in the morning (before coffee or anything) I thought I may have been too mean and looking after a kid sisters sort of endearing and being youngs not a crime (although part of me screams "lock em up")
only to find I've been baited
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh
by a 20 year old
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh

[Butterfly Man]

Don't feel bad Martin, he almost got me too.

Stuff about the relationship between Adult Daipers & Sanitary Napkins.
Not usually found side by side in a bin, are they?
Except hospitals and visiting relatives ... and, of course, this past week at my house.

Luckily, I needed a sitz bath and a change of undergarments, so I logged off.

Saved my ass.

[Evan Young]

Sorry guys.
A week ago I had a corporate stage gig, the first one I've ever had. It went really freakin well, allmost perfect. After the show the sound guy immediatly shook my hand and told me I "performed those gags as well as anybody he has ever seen". The sound guy had worked in a lot of resorts and on a few cruise ships. It made me realize a few things: that my show is a lot stronger than I thought it was, that I'm really close to achieving some of my long term goals (in terms of stage show quality), and that despite my efforts to write origional jokes (not just rewriting old jokes) my show is just another fucking comedy juggling act. Where do I go from here, I still feel like I can learn a lot, and I'm at a good momentum.
I've been trying to find a joke in every experience since then. I took Greg Deans begining stand up comedy class when I was in LA and he wouldn't let me juggle, instead I talked about a road trip I took with a really cute girl, and it was great. I was looking forward to working on my juggling act in the advanced class when I return, but now I don't want to juggle, I just want to talk about my life.
I'm also gonna try to do skill based street show in Santa Monica rather than a verbal comedy act, just to say I can.
So as I watched my 16 year old sister dry heave into the toilet at 3am, I was trying to think of how I could make it funny. Then I thought of how my posts on p.net used to invoke really harsh, and somtimes funny responces (at the time they pissed me off). I figured that mabey I could use your asshole tendencies to inspire me, even though you've all been pretty nice latley. Too bad I exposed myslef, now it won't work as well. But martin, I was impressed with the way you told me I was an idiot, I thougt it was funny.
Blah blah blah. I seriously don't have anything better to do than type stuff out on the internet.

[Mr.Taxi Trix]

Actually, you may be on to something here. Exposing your method could have been a real goomball move, but it might also unleash a constructive force here, something that's been a long time missing on pnet.

You got a small chuckle out of me on "I'm starting to understand why all girls are crazy." That could easily be a through line, or a premise, and invites a couple of stories about your mom, followed by some about current or ex girlfriends.

If that's a working premise, the next thing to do is make a list, of what people assume about that statement. This may yield a few lines you could follow it with.
The next quesstion is, who is your character? Does the person doing your show have a one or two sentence viewpoint on the world? My guy is a character who loves to illuminate the obvious. An easy line for him would be:

"I'm starting to understand why all girls are crazy. I'm talking about girls of the female gender." Not a howler, but you're welcome to it, and it might fit you better to switch to "especially girls of the female gender" or somesuch.

I think this thread could rock. I'm looking for tags for "I'm thinking of firing my therapist..."

[ 12-22-2002: Message edited by: Mr.Taxi Trix ]</p>

[Stretch]

[quote]Originally posted by Mr.Taxi Trix: "I'm thinking of firing my therapist..."[/QB]<hr></blockquote>

He'd heat the whole neighborhood.

. . . I could sell my furnace.

on New Years . . . I'll save a bundle on fireworks.

on New Years. He's not italian, but would make a great Roman Candle.

into space. Inner space, outer space, whatever.

into space. We'll see how *he* feels about that!

I'll give him (T) issues!

I think I'll quit while I'm a head!

[Mr.Taxi Trix]

Nice, Stretch. Have you ever found a line for that damnably frequent "Hows the weather up there?" What comic puzzles are you up against?


"I'm thinking of firing my therapist...

but I KNOW she would quit breastfeeding me.

but he told me I would get seperation anxiety.

but then she might divorce me, and that would cost even more.

"I'm starting to understand why all girls are crazy...

and my girlfriend is figuring out why all men are stupid.

but I'll never know why they can't just put the toilet seat up.

next month I'll be working on my Unified Field Theory.

and my brain is killing me.

[ 12-22-2002: Message edited by: Mr.Taxi Trix ]</p>

[martin ewen]

"HOWS THE WEATHER UP THERE?"

' I'm not telling you'
' It may well piss down shortly'
'Theres actually a thin layer of nitrious Oxide at about 12 feet so the weathers fairly unimportant.'
' The forecast is for downpours of wit, you should go get a bucket.'
'Rain or shine, I'm paid, your brainless.'
' Heres a dictionary, look up insipid, then holding the book firmly, knock yourself out.'
' Comedies not as easy as it looks is it?'

[martin ewen]

Its actually pretty boring keeping your vomiting sister company at 3 am.
you have to use your imagination.
'I'm interrogating an illegal combatant' (develop) ie, and we'll keep feeding you wendies burgers till you tell us what you know.

' I'm Bush the elders,japanese vomit translater for state functions . "bluuurgh"
"The president would like to know who designed this charming tablecloth."
Strange… the elder vomits the younger chokes whats left for the kids, sneezing till their eyeballs pop out? Instinctively voiding their bowls when spoken to?
Even with just the 2 guys it must be interesting at xmas dinner, "george senior thats the 4th time you've eaten that same chicken-leg, stop playing with your food."
George junior, please don't chew with your eyes open, you know how you get overstimulated, don't make me have the bodyguard gut-punch you again"

I imagine myself at a Karen Carpenter concert. (bit dated) insert bolemic of the day.

[Prof Willie B]

I used a lovely copper-green glaze when I fired my therapist.

[Evan Young]

good stuff.
it's fun to see how you guys think.


I met a chick last week who told me she was a "baby dominatix". Aparently she's a beginer dominatrix, but my first thought was a mean babysitter, or dressing up like a baby that whips people...??? Imagine that. Anyway, the chick thinks I'm cute. should I be scared?

[Rich Potter]

Gee, I wish I could get Martin to call ME an idiot in an interesting way.

I was thinking of firing my therapist and then I realized I don't need to since she's just a hallucination.

I tried to fire my therapist, but he said, "you can't fire me, asshole! I quit!"

I am seeing a therapist about my lack of assertiveness. I'm going to fire him...when I'm damn good and ready!

I'm thinking about firing my therapist. It's tough to let him go, as he does such a great job consoling me and making me see the good things in life after he ass-rapes me.

--Rich

P.S. I can puke 50 eggs

[Stephon]

Hmmm, some Catch-22 kind of thing?

Me: I'm firing you as my therapist.

Therapist: That's crazy!

Me: Oh. Same time next week then?