Canadian National Exhibition

[martin ewen]

Well it had to happen.
I've finally been institutionalised.
18 days at the canadian national exhibition.
Its one of the worlds largest annual fairs, everyone in canada knows of it, its been going since 1879.
It brings in over $35 million to toronto over 18 days.
Very few outside of canada have ever heard of it and that itself is very canadian,
For example, who knows what "backbacon' is?
mmm?
Its another canadian institution and is actually slices of pig buttock that the entire nation has adopted as their pork of choice.
If you also wish to share in drooling over this otherwise unknown canadian icon go to

http://www.anti-gravity.com.au/backbacon.html

Anyway I've just finished day 1 of 18
I may try to share my digested thoughts tomorrow but at the moment I'm just trying to share the pain.

[worldwidese]

We did the CNE 4 years in a row sponsored by 7Up back in the good old days. Watch out for the taxman on the last day!
There are plenty of good Ex's you can do in Canada. There is an A circuit, CNE PNE, Calgary Stampede, etc, and a B and a C circuit. B circuits are 10 days. The C circuits seem to be all the towns with the "poetic" names- Moose Jaw, Swift Current, Red Deer et al. We did them all.
Watch out for the prairies, though. There's always a strong wind, which may not be in your favor.

[martin ewen]

Its day 4 and theres a prairie in my head.
My mind has devolved into an unending featureless windswept wasteland, all humanity has been leeched from my elongated form and I am an empty blighted husk of my former self.
I am reduced to waving at children who smile at me.

The heat is unbearable, (they have a saying here at the CNE "If you can't stand the heat, get out of the chicken suit)

Yesterday I saw a goat being milked, it was strange because some small part of me was that goat.
Goats don't enjoy being milked, this one looked angry and a little embarressed. In fact I think goats generally get pissed off at anything they can't eat .(I think a goat could well be my totum)
I also suspect that they realise, as milk meant for their children is unceramonously wrung from their nipples, that their product will end up being fed to people with weak digestive systems who in their world would be culled from the herd in short order.
I think the goats sense the unfairness of it all.

Which brings me to taxes
Non canadians get a withholding tax of 10% up to $5000 and over that the whole thing gets taxed at 15%
If under $5000 you can apply for a waiver beforehand and if lucky they send it to you in about 3 weeks and you show it to your employer and they give you the untaxed amount and you chorkle off to the bank.
I am waiting for their decision whick I hope arrives positively before I get paid.
However initially I was getting paid over $5000 and so had to ring the admin people at the show, they said "yes, how can i help you." and I said
"your paying me too much money" They said
"yes we know" and i said
"I've rung to negotiate a reduction in wages." and they said
" we have no problem with you being brain damaged as long as you're punctual, sure...how little do you want." and I said
"Just under $5000 but now I also want a therapist, 4 cheerleaders and a puppy added to my rider." and they said
"OK, but what kind of puppy?"

I'm sorry I'll have to leave it there as I have to go off to work now and i can feel a grand mal approaching.