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The Rumpel Cut-and-Paste Interviews.
All of Rumple's lines are straight cut and paste from his posts, free of context, applied here for an engaging twist.
TT: Rumple, thank you for giving Performers Net this nonexistent interview. We have so little to cover, and so much empty space, both here and in our lives. Lets start with the basics, Rump. Rumplefrogshin, Rumply Crumbleforskin, Weasel-squeezing Elf from Pluto: who are you?
RS: Oh crikey!I'm a 21st century cardboard biscuit pixie!
Oops.....i'm a ferret weasel that's looking for Morris the skinny stick-insect who has just gnawed himself a temporary home in an over-ripe asparagus stick.... "I'm A GooOsE on The LooOsE!"
TT: Of course you are. Now Rumple, in a word, what brought you to the path of the jester?
RS: I smoked too many hubbly-bubblies.....which was a bit paradoxical to myself....& after the Roman Bath experience in Damascus....Syria.....it really brought out the wheeze in me!
TT: Ah, of course, drugs. Not so different from the rest of us, then. Don't you fear the chaos of the experimental lifestyle?
RS: Thumbs up to Oops!
TT: And your opinion on cocaine?
RS: Crikey! What a nose-full!
TT: Yes indeed it is, Rumple. Have you tried other olfactory stimulants?
RS: I remember....stacks of years back....i was playing cricket.....& just before someone hit a ball coming my way....i snuffed a Vics nasal inhaler....a bit too hard & then i couldn't even see the ball...as my eyes really flared up! Everyone was yelling get the friggin' ball,but i was helpless as it felt like i had been holding moth balls next to my eyes for too long!
TT: What more could one man say about drugs? Love the visual with the moth balls, by the way. I tried that once, but they kept fluttering their wings, it drove me nuts. And speaking of sex, what is it that you scream on orgasm?
RS: Holy Gherkin Twisties
TT: Many performers love to carry on about their sexual exploits. Is there any one erotic accomplishment you recall from the years?
RS: some lady i barely even knew....wrote me an ode about my nose.
TT: It is ladies then, is it? We were all kind of watching for you on "Out Yourself Here". So have you ever tried out the charms of your fellow men, Rumple?
RS: One chap with a mohawk said he was going sort of in that direction....so he told me to jump in
TT: Fascinating. What of Rock and Roll, Rump? The Beatles told us to "Come Together". Crosby, Stills, and Nash said, "Love the One You're With". What would you ask of humanity?
RS: Let's all pick each other's noses....& see how much sense we can make out of it all!!!
Gosh!Fill a bath-tub with motley marbles...will ya!
TT: Deep. I'm guessing. Rumple, as we are brushing up against philosophy and humanity, where is love?
RS: It's in Ernie Sigley's castle somewhere in the sticks in the pack-pocket of Dubbo!
TT: Ah. See? Now, who else would know that? How on earth do you know such obscure things?
RS: Maybe the longer my nose gets....the more i will know?
TT: Could be. Rump, you know that as a community, we are all 100% behind you, and you are a respected, even revered figure among us. Is there any way we can support you?
RS: For Fuck's Sake!I've got a pimple stuck...right up my left nostril...& i can't get an edge on it!P.S.HAve you got any suggestions?Please reply a.s.a.p!
TT: Excellent. Something we can rally around, there. Do give us your best, readers. Besides that, Rump, what questions keep you up at night?
RS: What section of life am i in at the moment?
Imagine being an elephant with a blocked nose! Gorblimey!
Can ants smell?
TT: Ah, yes, our brothers, the ants. What else of the animal kingdom, Rump?
RS: Gosh....ducks have weird noses!
TT: Brilliant. Will you continue to peruse these questions?
RS: I don't want to be a victim of nosology forever.....i'd rather get into knowsology!
TT: An ancient and well-respected path, doubtless. Now Rumple, as a jester steeped in tradition, what do you recall of history?
R: Apparently the Sphinx lost it's nose as the Turks would practice their clay-target shooting on it! Gorblimey!
TT: Who knew? Hidden plots are one of the more tedious and resurfacing topics on p.net. Any other conspiracy theories, Rumple?
RS: Maybe Pinocchio knows(nose)too much?
TT: Woodn't know. Rumple, now, down to business. Many of our younger readers are hungry for the truth that will make a difference. Rumple, what are some good lines to say to get someone to stop and watch your show?"
R: "Come here ya nitpicking pettifogger
before you go astray in the big fog!"
"Come on through & blow the cob-webs away"
TT: Any good heckler lines for us?
RS: "Hey you nosey parker....go & park your nose in a rhino's bum!"
"What key was that fart in?"
TT: Does the transient life of the street performer ever wear on you?
RS: Crikey!I always seem to travel to Linz
TT: What about equipment, and quality?
RS: I once got my left ear-pierced 8 times in one day & also a couple in my right ear. They got infected as i bought some cheap jewellery for a couple of them...& it made all the others go bung.
TT: Do you feel its ok to make fun of physical differences in these sensitive times? What would you say to, say, an overweight man passing your show by?
R: Hats off to the Oompah Loompah
TT: How appropriate. Rumple, bovine testicles are the concept du jour. Any quips?
RS: It was weird a number of years ago when some friends & i were in the country in Oz & we suddenly pulled into a town called Mooball!The population of the town was only 5 people....this old bloke said who was working at the town's shop,post office,milk bar & petrol station!He had the most amazing hair coming out of his ears!I've never seen so much hair coming out of someone's ears before!It was funny the concept of the town being called Mooball & this chap having the hairiest ear-holes on Earth!What a World!You just can't take reality for granted! Life is too short to hold back one's inner beauty! We're all just a freckle on the nose of time.....nobody get's out of this world alive!Do what you love!
TT: Words to live by. Well, we all look up to you, Rumple, or at least, we look at you. You've left us with a legacy anyone who takes pride in that sort of thing could be proud of. Of all the shows, the festivals, the stages and the streetsides, what do you feel is your most important legacy?
R: Gosh!There's remanents of me....floating around all over the place.I don't know how many socks,towels,toothbrushes,phone-cards,pens,pencils,squeaky lobsters,batteries,reels of cotton,noses,thimbles,eye-baths etc...i've left behind..in my time....but it must be quite a few by crikey!
TT: Ah, how much more time do we have?
R: I'm off with a sneeeeeeeeeze!Arrrhhhhhtishoociao! Fare thee well & maybe you might fancy playing strip poker with yourself ya friggin' pixy elf!
TT: Rumple, thank you for giving Performers Net this nonexistent interview. We have so little to cover, and so much empty space, both here and in our lives. Lets start with the basics, Rump. Rumplefrogshin, Rumply Crumbleforskin, Weasel-squeezing Elf from Pluto: who are you?
RS: Oh crikey!I'm a 21st century cardboard biscuit pixie!
Oops.....i'm a ferret weasel that's looking for Morris the skinny stick-insect who has just gnawed himself a temporary home in an over-ripe asparagus stick.... "I'm A GooOsE on The LooOsE!"
TT: Of course you are. Now Rumple, in a word, what brought you to the path of the jester?
RS: I smoked too many hubbly-bubblies.....which was a bit paradoxical to myself....& after the Roman Bath experience in Damascus....Syria.....it really brought out the wheeze in me!
TT: Ah, of course, drugs. Not so different from the rest of us, then. Don't you fear the chaos of the experimental lifestyle?
RS: Thumbs up to Oops!
TT: And your opinion on cocaine?
RS: Crikey! What a nose-full!
TT: Yes indeed it is, Rumple. Have you tried other olfactory stimulants?
RS: I remember....stacks of years back....i was playing cricket.....& just before someone hit a ball coming my way....i snuffed a Vics nasal inhaler....a bit too hard & then i couldn't even see the ball...as my eyes really flared up! Everyone was yelling get the friggin' ball,but i was helpless as it felt like i had been holding moth balls next to my eyes for too long!
TT: What more could one man say about drugs? Love the visual with the moth balls, by the way. I tried that once, but they kept fluttering their wings, it drove me nuts. And speaking of sex, what is it that you scream on orgasm?
RS: Holy Gherkin Twisties
TT: Many performers love to carry on about their sexual exploits. Is there any one erotic accomplishment you recall from the years?
RS: some lady i barely even knew....wrote me an ode about my nose.
TT: It is ladies then, is it? We were all kind of watching for you on "Out Yourself Here". So have you ever tried out the charms of your fellow men, Rumple?
RS: One chap with a mohawk said he was going sort of in that direction....so he told me to jump in
TT: Fascinating. What of Rock and Roll, Rump? The Beatles told us to "Come Together". Crosby, Stills, and Nash said, "Love the One You're With". What would you ask of humanity?
RS: Let's all pick each other's noses....& see how much sense we can make out of it all!!!
Gosh!Fill a bath-tub with motley marbles...will ya!
TT: Deep. I'm guessing. Rumple, as we are brushing up against philosophy and humanity, where is love?
RS: It's in Ernie Sigley's castle somewhere in the sticks in the pack-pocket of Dubbo!
TT: Ah. See? Now, who else would know that? How on earth do you know such obscure things?
RS: Maybe the longer my nose gets....the more i will know?
TT: Could be. Rump, you know that as a community, we are all 100% behind you, and you are a respected, even revered figure among us. Is there any way we can support you?
RS: For Fuck's Sake!I've got a pimple stuck...right up my left nostril...& i can't get an edge on it!P.S.HAve you got any suggestions?Please reply a.s.a.p!
TT: Excellent. Something we can rally around, there. Do give us your best, readers. Besides that, Rump, what questions keep you up at night?
RS: What section of life am i in at the moment?
Imagine being an elephant with a blocked nose! Gorblimey!
Can ants smell?
TT: Ah, yes, our brothers, the ants. What else of the animal kingdom, Rump?
RS: Gosh....ducks have weird noses!
TT: Brilliant. Will you continue to peruse these questions?
RS: I don't want to be a victim of nosology forever.....i'd rather get into knowsology!
TT: An ancient and well-respected path, doubtless. Now Rumple, as a jester steeped in tradition, what do you recall of history?
R: Apparently the Sphinx lost it's nose as the Turks would practice their clay-target shooting on it! Gorblimey!
TT: Who knew? Hidden plots are one of the more tedious and resurfacing topics on p.net. Any other conspiracy theories, Rumple?
RS: Maybe Pinocchio knows(nose)too much?
TT: Woodn't know. Rumple, now, down to business. Many of our younger readers are hungry for the truth that will make a difference. Rumple, what are some good lines to say to get someone to stop and watch your show?"
R: "Come here ya nitpicking pettifogger
before you go astray in the big fog!"
"Come on through & blow the cob-webs away"
TT: Any good heckler lines for us?
RS: "Hey you nosey parker....go & park your nose in a rhino's bum!"
"What key was that fart in?"
TT: Does the transient life of the street performer ever wear on you?
RS: Crikey!I always seem to travel to Linz
TT: What about equipment, and quality?
RS: I once got my left ear-pierced 8 times in one day & also a couple in my right ear. They got infected as i bought some cheap jewellery for a couple of them...& it made all the others go bung.
TT: Do you feel its ok to make fun of physical differences in these sensitive times? What would you say to, say, an overweight man passing your show by?
R: Hats off to the Oompah Loompah
TT: How appropriate. Rumple, bovine testicles are the concept du jour. Any quips?
RS: It was weird a number of years ago when some friends & i were in the country in Oz & we suddenly pulled into a town called Mooball!The population of the town was only 5 people....this old bloke said who was working at the town's shop,post office,milk bar & petrol station!He had the most amazing hair coming out of his ears!I've never seen so much hair coming out of someone's ears before!It was funny the concept of the town being called Mooball & this chap having the hairiest ear-holes on Earth!What a World!You just can't take reality for granted! Life is too short to hold back one's inner beauty! We're all just a freckle on the nose of time.....nobody get's out of this world alive!Do what you love!
TT: Words to live by. Well, we all look up to you, Rumple, or at least, we look at you. You've left us with a legacy anyone who takes pride in that sort of thing could be proud of. Of all the shows, the festivals, the stages and the streetsides, what do you feel is your most important legacy?
R: Gosh!There's remanents of me....floating around all over the place.I don't know how many socks,towels,toothbrushes,phone-cards,pens,pencils,squeaky lobsters,batteries,reels of cotton,noses,thimbles,eye-baths etc...i've left behind..in my time....but it must be quite a few by crikey!
TT: Ah, how much more time do we have?
R: I'm off with a sneeeeeeeeeze!Arrrhhhhhtishoociao! Fare thee well & maybe you might fancy playing strip poker with yourself ya friggin' pixy elf!
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