RANT HERE

[jester]

DO NOT. EVER! EVER EVER give Rachel an aluminuum/alloominum/alloomineeum/ aluminium FRying pan.

The chances of actually causing an alluminium to get hot enough to catch fire are slim, but Rachel would manage it.

You cannot put an alumium fire out without an awful lot of expertise and know how.

Also the alluminum may contribute to her talent for forgetting that the frying pan in on the stove...

all of the above applies to me tooo.

[UCO]

My Rant

has to be the rain. I am missing days and shows cause of the rain. oh well over it.

[Rachel Peters]

strips of pig fat.

another day, another frying pan. i am such a jerk.

[Butterfly Man]

One helluva hat line...

I stand before you a juggler by name and fame... I keep things in the air and spew my pithy banter to counterpoint my physical trick with some intellectual dexterity so you know I'm not just a circus monkey... so through my wit you see the depth of my soul and my mind beyond the naked tattoos that make you jump to your conclusions...


Okay, so I rip and goof on the punters who jostle around my pitch and laugh and clap at my old stuff that's new to them...


Yeah, their tourist obesity applause is the juice I live on... and I resent them and need them and hate them and crave the love they give me with the one dollar bills they place in my hat with a "see what I'm giving you" smile after an hour of my sweat made them forget their mortgaged driveway emptiness... did you get your fucking dollar's worth, didja?...


And so I stand here now and curse them for their vapidity... for their name brand name t-shirts... for their sexless marriages and their satellite dish refuges... I mock them for their broken dream realities... their unused gym memberships... and their disappointed decline into fading youth...


And with each shot I take I reveal my biography of tears... I unveil the tombstone of my hopes... and sing the eulogy of my youth...


Yeah, I'm a juggler... did I entertain you?... did I make you laugh?... well put something in the hat, motherfucker...

[Jim]

Took the words out of my mouth...

Robert, Did you recently perform at Quincy Market or something?

[UCO]

politcal rant

Myspace.com for the country of Iraq everyone on there is military personell from the states. that is F&#*d. AHHHHHHHH!@!!!!!!!!!!!

[Mr.Taxi Trix]

Jesus, Butterfly, we've missed you around here. Glad you could pull the flowers out of your rug and hit the keyboard for a minute.

[worldwidese]

Well put!

Butterfly, you expressed it beautifully for us all. We've missed ya!

[jester]

About 7 years ago I was packing up after a quiet afternoon in Salisbury and a man with three children asked:

"Are you going to perform again today?"

I said "No, but I will show you the best bits of the show, It'll only last ten minutes but then your children won't have missed a thing."

So I performed for them, in the hope that others would stop and watch..

Well nobody even passed by, so after 20 minutes I then did my hat lines for the four of them..

He gave each of his kids £0.10p to put in my hat and then said "Thank You. That was great."

I replied "Well Thank You, Your kids were great." I have no idea why he gave so little, but I'm sure he had his reasons....

However, a coach load of kids came by and the teacher offered my £10 to entertain them for 10 minutes which is frankly worth it on a slow day in March.. if it wasn't for the man with 30p I would have missed out

[Butterfly Man]

Fuckin'A ...

Did you ever do something so stupid you had to live with it for the rest of your life?

Take my advice, never learn to juggle!

If you do, you immediately morph into a dork.

You ever try to actually talk to a juggler?

Or even worse, actually listen to one?

No offence, but what a bunch of fuckin losers.

Forgive me for noticing but most are ugly too.

OK, maybe one or two semi attractive dweebs in the lot

But arent they even more suspect?

Because instead of socializing with normal people, doing normal things, they are in their room, alone, doing fuckin' head rolls.

Can't say they're all stupid though...

Maybe just those who try to make a career out of it!

Who's gonna take that shit seriously?

...mimes?

...balloon clowns?

Yeah, my parents will be so proud!

my son's has a job with room for career advancement

Wow! he just got promoted to eating an apple!

Juggling doesn't qualify you for anything ... except being alone ... very alone.

The good news is:

you can say whatever you want...

The bad news is:

you have nothing to say.

Ever hear of a "successful" juggler?

I know 2

One came up with a remarkable line,
"this is my impression of trout swimming up stream" ... and later on ... my impression of a dead trout, swimming downstream"

Frankly... I'd rather kill myself than say shit like that.

Another "sucessful" one (even fatter, balder and older than the last one) is still doing a "Beaver the Cleaver" joke 30 years later...and he does this all while catching a big blob of lard (almost the same size as his stomach) on his face.

Pitiful ...

I'd almost rather be Jason Garfield. (almost)

it's just so sad ... they're all so pathetic

So, you're probably thinking "Are you OK, Robert?"

my answer,"NO, I'm not!

Why?

Maybe it's because I did Halifax so many times I can only drink my own urine.

Maybe it's because whenever I wipe my own ass, I think I'm in Windsor.

Maybe I'm bitter because I never did get that new office space between the dinasours on 3rd street promenade.

Maybe it's because I never did get that promotion to executive vice president of center stage Pier fuckin' 39.

Maybe it's because my only 401K is now just buying lottery tickets

Maybe it's because my IRA is a fuckin' change bowl on my dresser

Too bad my health plan I never got didn't cover STUPIDITY.

Cause now I'm almost dead , and what did it all get me?

Pain lots of fuckin pain

Everywhere ...

My neck ... stupid hat tricks...

Back tweaked from pickin up all that glittery crap off the floor.

Carpel tunnel syndrome from throwing up all those sparkly pieces of shit at once.

Let's not forget that hydroceled testicle from jumping up on a one-wheeled ball masher for so many years

all that and one helluva case of asteroids,

Fuck! was it all worth it?

Running all over the world, all the drinking, all the sex, all the good drugs, all the other drugs, all the drugs other than the other ones.

So careless ... so reckless ... such a fool.

Was it all worth it, Mr. Moth, Bughead, Tattoo head?... whatever they call you now that you don't matter.

Was it worth it?

[jester]

I have a calcified testicle...

I don't know what hydroceled testicle is but if it as painful as my calcified one....

Which sounds suspiciously like fossilised to me...

The unicycle is more than a little responsible, that and excessive masturbatory bouts between juggling practice...

Which isn't really true - if I had practiced juggling as much as I masturbated I'd be Anthony Ghatto by now....

[Lee Nelson]

please clown gods...

i would hate to be you Robert. If that is your every day you are in hell. What were you thinking while you were going down that path. Every action has a consequence, you must have suspected how it would turn out.
We all make our choices in life, us and us alone so we have no-one to blame but ourselves for the results.
Would you have been happier had you been an insurance salesman. I think not.

Some of us a live a 100 years in 20, others live for a 100 and dont even have 20 years worth of experiences to show for it.

Whatever, we all made or are making our choices and I will cherish my memories right to the end. No one can take them away from me. Burn fast and bright baby!

remember what makes you smile and has given meaning to your life thus far. Thatll probably help too. Writing negative shit might make you smile for a second or two but your already composing your next whine! Your better than that.

[Lee Nelson]

oh dear

maybe it was all a joke and i missed the point

sometimes my irony detector is way of whack

[jester]

Juggling destroys your irony .. and your ability to iron your clothes..

[Rachel Peters]

back to the point

I've been posting lots of nonsense lately and was hoping to back away from the computer for a while, but I wanted to interject here.

Robert posed some good questions and I would be concerned if he wasn't asking them. I'd be sadder for a person who goes through life without ever addressing this. I asked these questions the entire time I worked in the nursing home. "Was it worth it?" "What did it get you, now that you can't pull your own pants up?" (Sorry, Butterfly. I'm sure you can pull your own pants up.)
Robert more-or-less summerized the entired book of Ecclesiastes, which has been my mantra for the majority of my life (as little as I've lived).
So even King Solomon - the man credited as being the wisest man in history (and one of themost powerful of his time) - asked himself and God these same questions. ...I don't think he used the F word quite as many times, but nevertheless, same issue.

So, that's all I've got.

But I think a person needs the "negagtive shit" to mourn for a while. There's a process. It would be far more damaging to jump straight to the smiling and supress the issue, which is a very valid one.