Rumpelstiltskin GooOse Worship! VOLUME 2

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Titter-tatter
Tatter-titter
tinker about
rattle about
pots & pans
clink,clank
spoons & forks
teapots
kettles
trinkets
knick-knack
knock about
your bric-a-brac
Thwart about
mumble & baffle
Spread out your thimbles
& try on a wimple
while banging some cymbals
Have fun
& potter about
until you feel
as rimpled
as Rip Van Winkle


[This message has been edited by Rumpelstiltskin (edited 01-05-2002).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gosh!I've certainly had my fair share of hassles with kids as far as being a performer goes.I think at times i can accidently set them off as soon as i open my trunk full of junk!They just want to dive in a.s.a.p & play with all my toys.I have no control!Even the ankle-biters can over-power me!I'm a friggin' pansy!On top of that i get kid's constantly trying to pull my nose off!It's fool on sometimes trying to organise the situation....when the show is completely out of order!It's doesn't always turn into a little riot!I don't do anything somtimes....except make an entrance & open my trunk.....& 5 minutes later....i'm getting squeaky lobsters & rubber puffer fish chucked at me!
Some buskers just crank up their chainsaws...& the kids wouldn't go near them.
Also some buskers just stand there & don't lift a finger & the kids are well tame & easy at bay!
The kids don't always charge at me with uncontrollable hysteria....which is a bit of a relief.I think the kids that go ape are usually the ones that are pumped up on Coke & sherbert & stuff like that!They even trade lollies with each other sometimes as if they are the drugs of the kid's world!No wonder the kids go completely hyper-active...with the leathel stuff that is produced for them on the common market!I too used to be a total sherbert freak...when i was a kid!I was a total little wretched rascal!I used to make the teachers go nuts....like a real classroom clown...& was occasionly put in the dunce corner!No joke!I had no idea what i was doing wrong.....it all just happened naturally.I was always a bit of an oddball in school.
I guess teachers & parents are much better with kids than me.I would like to bridge the gap & be able to reach the widest audience possible....if it's in good taste!
I probably shouldn't be so hard on myself.....as there are times that the kids have really enjoyed my nonsense.....even if it was all over the place.I just can't seem to step outside of myself & keep them at bay....when they get over-chaotic!Maybe i am a real fool's fool?
Don't worry!It will all fool into place in time!I don't know if i'm destined to become a stand up comedian for kids....but then again....it's good to do stand-up comedy for all people...aged from 0-108(& over...whatever the oldest age is?)P.S.Crikey!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

It's going to be the Biggest Show in The World & nobody's going to see it!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

"If you don't give me any money....i'll call the police!"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

"Come on!Help support nonsense!It will go to a good cause!I'm trying to get the Church Of Nonsense up & running for everyone's benefit!Just joking?Gee my jokes are getting worse...even though i don't have any anyway!"P.S.

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Apply right now & you too can become a nincompoop in no less than 3 minutes!Yes that's right...3 minutes!Come & check out the Nincompoop Foundation a.s.a.p & for just the price of 43 gherkin bumps....you can become a nincompoop in just under 3 minutes!No joke!Apply right now...before you think & you won't go wrong...as we're absolutely right here at the....Yes...you heard it...The Nincompoop Foundation.Pay straight away.....via a team of goblin chauffuers....& the future will be in your hands!Anyway Toodleloo for now & give us a yell....right into our scrawny weather-beaten ear-trumpets when you get here!Fabulous regards...from Dr Gherkinstein & all the team from The Nincompoop Foundation!P.S.GooOsE!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Gosh!I was in Lismore....years(yonks/donkey's)ago...this town in Nth East Oz....inland from the coast....& i was staying at a house on stilts as all the houses are,due to the possibility of floods!
I left my second-hand rugged rucksack in the lounge room for a week....as i went away(& so did the others)& when i got back...i noticed that there was piles of millet & a few completely flat balls.I counted them up & really that a few were missing.I followed a trail of millet...that went to my rucksack & then i realised a huge hole had been gnawed out of the thich canvas.Eek!My balls got knicked by huge bush rats...& they even flogged a few & must of ran up the inside walls with them.I totally forgot about my juggling balls in the first place!Gorblimey!These bush rats are friggin' humungous.....no mousing around here....so beware of your juggling balls....& put them in a tin or something because the buggers can gnaw through just about anything weaker than tin!Crikey!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Imagine if everyone in the World could afford to be independant....then we would be one big tribe of individuals!It's lucky that we can afford to have some freedom......whereas alot of people have no choice!It not a just World.....but if you try to over analyse it too much...it just weighs you down!Gorblimey!The World really is complex! Everything has it's good points & not so good points....so it's good to focus on the positive things...but then again....you can't always forget about the not so positive things...because we're all in this together!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I guess we can just do our best.....what is humanly possible for this World!My gift to the World is making people laugh!Send in the clowns & help stop the frowns!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

LOve conquers all so let laughter be contagious until the chain-reaction catches on...full circle...& then all humanity can hopefully get inspired to heal this World through love!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

It was quite weird one night at the Adelaide Fringe Festival....in March in 2000.I was doing the very late night....No-one wants...show...& i was gooOsing about like a nincompoop & that & then these 2 guys sitting on the slope of an embankment started really paying me out...quite intensely.I took it for quite a while....as they were yelling out non-stop"Get a real job ya poof!You're a friggin' faggit mate!Ya F*#K+&G Poofter!Get F*&K#D ya C#&T!F*&K O*F!",& then i said"You're just a bunch of pansies!Why hassle a weasel?If you really want some action why don't you go to Chechnia!I'm sure you'll get some there!"
Still they went on & on & the audience was astonished to see such a weasel stand up to these big thugs!I stood my ground for a whole hour & they were just getting more & more wound up & ready to have me at any moment.I got the end of the show & hatted it which was good as i needed the money!After the show one of the guys came up to me...& i thought he was going to knock me out...but he put his arms around me & gave me a hug!I couldn't believe it!It kind of shocked me...but in a good way!I felt really great after that...& even his mate...shook my hand!
I'm glad that i didn't bail the show...as it was really a worthy lesson!It's good to know your limits....but every now & then....stretch the comfort zone....to expect the unexpected!It can be quite a vulnerable lifestyle being a street-gooOse at times....but at least it's all good character building skills!
Crikey!Maybe i'll totally just disconnect myself from society & go off & hop into the bush...with no clothes on...equiped with nothing,like a wild kangaroo on the loOose...with a few roo's loose in the top paddock & get the kookaburras going!There's not much of an audience in the bush....but at least the kookaburras know how to have a good time!
How far can you take entertainment or how far can entertainment take you?
Just joking?P.S.GooOse!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Are friggin'GooOse-Balls....the last post was number 999...for Geeese sake!Gorblimey by crikey!Golly ol'jingle bells....this makes post number 1000(CRIKEY)!
Gosh!I was just carrying on the monotony of the joke.....to see how long i would go....just like i did my 24 hour show!I was joking at the start of my show....but the joke eventually became real.....just like this show too i guess?I've been building it up & now here's the punch line......?Are you ready for it?Well sit back....grab a beer..or some vegan gooOse-ball soup or something......& get comfortable....because here it is.......!Please read this in a high-pitched voice....to get the Fool effect! Oops!Um...eeH-oOoOOooohH-aaaaah..OoOOooOps!WhooOps!Oopsy-daisy!Whoopsy Oop Oop Oops!Remember how i lost 73 posts?Well have you got the patience to wait for the......punchline?I fooly apologize if so....but what the heck....i have to throw in the another 73....because than it will make it fair-square by crikey!Anyway i better get on with it so cheeers & all the very best until next post & after!P.s.GooOsE!Post number 928 is just around the corner....so don't close the curtains yet....as there's more foolishness to folly on with!P.S."GooOse-On!"

[Rumpelstiltskin]

I'm a 21st century cardboard biscuit pixy & i've got 21 posts to squeeze out....just like gherkin paste....ooozing out of a troll's ear-hole!Are you with me?Gong!Mr Wrong......twirling a gee-gaw while sitting on a see-saw everso perplexed...but ready to swing on through....like an over jiggled tea-bag or bells that have been over-jingled!Here i go.......honk,honk,honk,oink,oink,oink....gluck,gl uck,cuckoo,
cuckoo,chook,chook,cock-a-doodle-do...peck about with the roosters & keep in time with the gaggle of geese!
I'm going to smile at the World with my nice neat geese teeth!JUst joking.....geese have no teeth!Okay...i'll smile the World like a hippo!CHeck the teeth out on them by crikey!
Even camel have....full on friggin' teeth!You wouldn't want to get bitten on the funny-bone by one of them!Crikes!I have to fly....before the fly get's me!

[This message has been edited by Jim (edited 01-12-2002).]

[Rumpelstiltskin]

Weasel!

[Rumpelstiltskin]

P.S."Do you Want Anymore?"
I can always do another 1000?