limericks

[willie the clown]

there once was a man named mick fuss
who liked to give headf on the bus
go out and sniff turds and the assholes of birds
he sure was a curious cuss

there was a young man of wazoo
whos limerick stopped at line two.

there was a young man of verdun,

well any one else got some better? lets hear it?

[martin ewen]

There once was a woman from Delzores
who was covered in syphilus and sores
The dogs in the street
used to eat the green meat
that hung in festoons from her drawers.

(as given to me in latin as a translation excercise by an old priest when I was 13)

[Danny Hustle]

There once was a woman named Dot

Who lived on pig shit and snot

When she finished with these

she ate the green cheese

that she scraped from the sides of her shoes


Wait a sec..that last line dosen't rhyme...hmm..

[HOFF AKA Kitty Katonga]

There once was a girl from Cape Cod
Who thought she'd been fucked by god
But twas not the allmighty who lifted her nighty,
But Roger, the lodger, the bastard, the sod

[martin ewen]

At Windsor cow-john lost his steak
mysteriously ripped off his plate
we were crippled with laughter
while he learnt everafter
to under-rate nicks a mistake.

[martin ewen]

On a pole from the height of a ceiling
Girls hearts while he juggles Al's stealing
He slipped and he fell
Its ironic as hell
From the waist down he now has no feeling

[Lynneski]

There once was a producer called Ken
Who for a big fest-space did yen
But the too many chairs
Caused huge nightmares
When transported again and again

[Butterfly Man]

From a space more far out than cyber
Lurk stalks out his prey like a tiger
With a whop and a chop
From his dusty laptop
His game to find brains to disfigure

[martin ewen]

There's no context Mr Nelson will shun
In his quest, the transference of fun
Interruptions don't matter
He'll continue his patter
while dislodging the dog from his bum.

[Butterfly Man]

With bugs safely buried in sand
And masters of art in her hand
Em pulls out Pee’s prick
And with a slight flick
Explains what he can’t understand

[em]

The battle of poems takes place
With Bobby and Lurk in the race
But then Em she sneaks up
And plunders the cup
By typing her name in this space.

[martin ewen]

Surrendering to woman this bout
(else they bite, kick, deflate snub or shout)
While not lacking suspicions
I'll shelve my ambitions
The cups yours Em, I'll just go without.

[Bri]

Lurk lies down on his back
To fend off Emma's attack
I know I don't blame him
the broad's got a stamen
and a whip that she knows how to crack.

[Butterfly Man]

I’m sorry, I just can’t agree
To surrender so quick the bootie
Em’s whip notwithstanding
I’m not understanding
Is this cup a B, C or D?

[Lynneski]

Rob you surely know size doesn't matter,
There's really no need for this patter,
For that Emma can twirl,
Dayglow nipples awhirl,
And will top anything you throw at her.