gifts for japan gig

[peterpanic]

hey hey. i am going to japan for the first time and i understand i am supposed to bring gifts for my contact people. i am going for 4 months to a theme park and i know nothing about this culture. now i am not an idiot (ok i am) but i was hoping someone who has been through this could give me some pointers. what is a good gift? i have heard sticks of salami, syrup(?), clown figurines and a baby grand piano. i was thinking baseballs with the boston red sox logo, and for the ladies some american size dildos. i am to please. did i mention i am not the brightest bulb on the tree? how many gifts? when is the right time to give them? gift wrapping? are they going to give me stuff? do i have to eat raw whale meat? is there a service that can hook me up with a japanese wife? what about the agent who got me the gig? as you can see i have no experience in this biz and i welcome comments from anyone with connections to the entertainment industry. but be warned i am very sensitive and if you flame me you will start a holy war and not even Jim will be able to stem the tide of my wrath. that reminds me- i am watching these palestinian kids on tv throwing rocks at soldiers with guns and i'm thinking- that kids got a good arm! the red sox need a good pitcher for short money. i think we should send over some balls and gloves and that scarf over the face could be part of the uniform. start some teams. better not give them bats just yet. peace out
peter panda monium

[Butterfly Man]

Hi Peter, Kumi here. Robert's wife. For your Japan gig, I would bring a few packages of chocolates/cookies/candies and little gifts such as key chains or T-shirts.(If you have your own logo merchandise, that would be perfect.) And once you get there, present the package of food to the company that hired you, saying "Yo row she koo Oh nay ga eeh she mas".(Is the agent Japanese, too? Are they going to be there? In that case, present one package to them as well.) Purpose here is to introduce yourself and to appreciate everyone at the company for their work at the coming event. The little extra gifts are for somebody who would be exclusively taking care of you(they usually put one person in charge of you) and, if you get a chance to meet the boss of the company, present a little gift that is slightly better than the one that you gave to the caretaker to him/her(usually him in Japan). Don't forget to call everyone's name with "san", such as "Peter san". Good luck!

[Butterfly Man]

Dear Peter,
FYI, when you go to Japan the very first time they will scrub you down with astringents before they allow you through Immigration ... this is a sign of honor they bestow on anyone coming from the Boston area.
If, indeed, you are allowed into the country then you should always clear your throat and spit as much as possible to show your respect. Remember, never to thank anyone for anything they might do for you as it will be looked upon as a sign of weak character, and don’t forget to grunt and fart a lot during business meetings, this shows you are well informed and acquainted with their customs.
When you meet your boss, put your hand out to shake his hand but then pull it back quickly and then start to bow, and when he starts to bow quickly stick your hand out to shake hands again ...continue doing this until everyone around you starts to fidget nervously. Unlike us, the Japanese love to be uncomfortable and nervous in social situations, it is a part of their culture and they will love you for it.
Before I forget, always ask for special, extra things (e.g. another pillow for your hotel room, an extra speaker for your sound system etc.) as it will be understood that you are accustom to this sort of treatment in your homeland, you will be treated accordingly. Oh yes, don’t forget to yell and scream loudly when you want something as the Japanese ears, like their eyes, are always half closed.
If you follow all of my advise then I’m sure your first time in Japan will be a memorable experience, something you won’t forget for a very long time.
Your tomodachi,
Rahbahto aka Cho Cho Otoko

P.S. My god, I almost forgot! Never, I repeat never, start your show on time. Always be a little late, as the Japanese love to be teased in anticipation. And please, never wear anything green in front of them as it is the color of the evil god, Imadickimas.

Gumbatte!

[Triona]

Hi Peter!

This is slightly off-topic (please don't smack me listdaddy) but I was wondering if you've had trouble getting in touch with that agent in Boston before? It seems like no matter what time of day I call, she's not there. We've played phone tag a bit, but it's driving me batty that I can't connect with her.

Is there another number or person I can talk to? Just wondering as all these long-distance calls are starting to add up

Thanks,

Triona

Now back to the regularly scheduled topic....

[big underwear]

I believe one of our late presidents showed the correct way to show your appreciation, at least while eating in japan,,, I would take it a little bit further and try to get everyone around you to call out the different kinds of food that you can spot,,,you no, make a game out of it,,to show your positive attitude etc...your host will tottaly appreciate this jesture. as well walk around barefooted alot,,,they love this,,as it shows ruggedness. if you insist on exsposing yourself while in japan you should get a thing that makes your privets blury,,,they will appreciate this as its what they are accustumed to.
good luck!

[scot]

Big yellow balls could be intimidating for some asian men.

[Butterfly Man]

Peter,

Speaking of big yellow balls (or in my case ball) ... the Japanese have an expession they use when describing a man's testicles ...it is "Kintama" and translates literally to golden balls ... it might just be the best joke in your show if you've got the balls to use it.

P.S. Remember there is no singular or plural in Japanese

[peterpanic]

Robert,
no matter how badly you treat me i will always have a soft spot in my heart for you even though dealing with you is like looking at a photographic negative. i can glean useful information by remembering that black means white and v/v. your wife Kumi on the other hand...they say opposites attract...
i first saw the butterfly man in s.f. down at the pier, you know the one, it was near the water...pier 40 or 41 if my memory serves. i was 19, had dropped out of college to hitch-hike to alaska and avoid growing up. this was at least 5 or 6 years ago now...it was before those goddam harbor seals stole the show down there. tell me please, why are they tolerated? do west coast hippie jugglers not know how to play hardball? free willie is an out of work b-movie actor and you could pay him union scale for a week and have some fun. anyway i had a chance to see a lot of acts out there- twist and shout, american dream, charlie brown, ray jason (he seemed generic but someone pointed out that he was first), big black ray who bought me lunch and told me to get out of town...marcus marconi, dana&sunshine, i dont know who all else. i also saw the self described King of the Pier he needs no introduction he can speak for himself. i never forgot your words of encouragement, well ok i did but it probably went something like this: play it safe, kid. take the easy way and go back to school, forget about the circus life its no place for a nice boy like you. (i really was nothing but a green kid back then. you should see me now.) so i know that when you give me a hard time it means you respect me in a contrary upside down sort of way. only a coward and a bully picks a fight with someone weak and defenseless.(thats why i never fight with airborn dan f.) no Robert you were always a hero to me, and a hero is someone willing to fight the stronger force, like a dragon, or a band of pirates, or the government, or the ija brass. so thanks for your bad advice and thanks for the niagra falls renegade show you still got it even if you dont know where it is all the time.
just call me grasshopper.

[Butterfly Man]

Peter,

You sure that’s not a bipolar Polaroid you are looking at?

Master Po Po