Gravity

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  • Prof Willie B
    Senior Member
    • Dec 2000
    • 174

    Gravity

    There is a lot of gravity in the site. Already, this all pervading evil force is working it's way into the very fibre of these forums.

    This is no laughing matter, "Gravity" is a serious issue. 80% percent of accidents are caused by gravity and a 100% of victims of death exhibit a total submission to gravity, hence the contraction of the latin, gravitas, to the English, grave. It is constantly preying on both weak and strong, even I, personally, have fallen temporarily into its clutches. The effects of gravity can really get you down and this is, without doubt, a known cause of depression.

    The solution to this is, of course, more levity , the force that counteracts gravity (the fabled anti-gravity if you wish). Einstein demonstrated this beautifully in his lesser known "Theory of Relationships" where he proposed that E=MC COOL. Where E=elevation, M=Manic, C=Comedy and cool is the opposite of square but not rooted. This irrefutable mathmatical evidence achieved no great heights simply because Albert did not know how to get a laugh.

    Unfortunately, levity is not a naturally occurring, all-perfading force like gravity and has to be artificially generated. Technically, if enough levity is generated, you should be able to fly. Strangely enough, the further off the ground you get, the less levity can be generated. This phenonema is best demonstrated by the use of a unicycle. Many experiments are constantly underway attempting to prove, or disprove, this theory. David Cassell's(Hotch) marathon research project (which many of us know so well) only goes to prove that you need more laughs. Signs from the recent US elections are promising though, 75% of the world is laughing and the gravity of the office has flown out the window. To say nothing of Hillary's career taking off.
    Jim(known in some circles as Grand Master Guru Smirk)'s landmark research into the Feng Shui of Levity has caused him to select yellows, the chromatic opposite of blues, for this site in an attempt to oppose gravity. Blues, of course would foster more gravity as is eloquently described in the writings of Muddy Waters (who knew a thing or two about colour and depression, I can tell you).

    I, personally, am convinced that we can overcome this dangerous force with more levity. Only last night, my attempts to stay on my feet by closing time at my local pub created sufficient hilarity for me to counteract gravity long enough to get home.

    We must combat this evil force, we must be armed with humour, be diligent and not get legless!!!! The titanic might not have sunk if they'd hired 45 comedians instead of a bloody orchestra.

    Fight gravity, generate more levity and stay on your feet!!!!!!!


    [This message has been edited by Prof Willie B (edited 09-20-2001).]
  • Brian Wilson
    Member
    • Dec 2000
    • 85

    #2
    Yay LEVITY!

    Comment

    • Trevor Rooney
      Senior Member
      • Aug 2003
      • 159

      #3
      What a load of bullshit!

      What do you do all day, look into books to copy stuff out of so that you can look really cool with your scientific crap.

      You'll be telling me next that you can make test tube babies?



      ------------------
      Trevor Rooney

      Comment

      • Prof Willie B
        Senior Member
        • Dec 2000
        • 174

        #4
        Hey Trev, Gravitas nil carborundum (don't let gravity grind you down)

        [This message has been edited by Prof Willie B (edited 12-15-2000).]

        Comment

        • Rich Potter
          Senior Member
          • Dec 2000
          • 187

          #5
          THERE IS NO GRAVITY!!!
          (The Earth just sucks!)


          (Saw it on a bumper sticker once.)

          And furthermore, on the subject of levity, Don McLean once sang,

          "Bye, bye, Miss American Pie,
          I drove my Chevity to the levity but the levity was dry;
          And good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye;
          Smashin' in their drunk faces cream pies"

          --Rich
          [OK, OK; I'll head back to the Thalidomide thread!]

          Comment

          • Butterfly Man
            Senior Member
            • Dec 2000
            • 1606

            #6
            “The big secret is laughter”... Tom Robbins

            On a recent trek to South America, I was at the falls of Iguazu. It was there I met a guide who took me up the Amazon into the jungles bordering on Peru. Along the way he told me about his tribe the Kandakandero, a group of Amazonian Indians that do not laugh.

            Apparently, up until very recently they had never laughed or smiled. The very concept was alien to them. They had never chuckled, never even giggled. No smirk had ever cracked their war paint, no guffaw had ever taken up where belch left off, no titter or tee-hee had scratched for them it’s crystal fleas.

            When civilized people started getting close they heard the people laugh and believed that laughter had some sort of power. They heard the roar of civilized laughter but to them, it sounded ridiculous, it certainly didn’t strike them as funny.

            They had a medicine man who tried to teach himself to smile. He practiced in a reflecting pool. The first time he smiled for his gathered clansmen, he left them so astonished, so awestruck that half fell, trembling, to their knees, and the rest ran away and hid in the bushes.

            When the medicine man started to experiment with laughter the whole tribe nearly had a nervous breakdown. It quickly occurred to him that his glee was hollow, mechanical and contrived, so he adjusted his attitude. He noticed that white men don’t laugh as a chore or on schedule or to please the gods. The mystical hee-haw could not be self-induced, it had to be provoked. Some external happenstance, frequently invisible, aroused laughter in them.

            How can we help our tribe comprehend the concept of humor?

            Can we teach the subtler moods of irony or should we stay with what were best at: the more direct, earthy approach of juvenile mockery?

            Comment

            • Prof Willie B
              Senior Member
              • Dec 2000
              • 174

              #7
              Dear Robert, or may use the more intimate, Homo Lepidoptera, what an eloquent point you have made.
              I do believe that civilisation may yet occur and that there is yet reason to pursue subtle irony and rampant silliness in our pursuit of Levity and battle against Gravity.
              Can you tell me whether they lived in a valley or way up in the Andes?, it could be important.

              Comment

              • Butterfly Man
                Senior Member
                • Dec 2000
                • 1606

                #8
                As we speak of the pitfalls of morbidity, of levity versus gravity, struggle versus play, I find myself mouthing a lot of other people’s words these days.

                I am unsure of how many tribes there are and their origin but if you hire a boat in Pucallpa and go up the Rio Ucayali before you reach Masisea there is a tributary that branches off to the east called Abujao there you will find a village named Boquichicos. From there go east for about a mile and you should be able to find their village. They are definitely jungle not mountain folk.

                I feel that of all our different expressions of beingness, only laughter is pure enough, complex enough, free enough and endowed with enough meaning to accurately reflect the soul.

                The Indians I spoke of, feel that laughter is a physical force, a natural phenomenon where light & darkness merge, no longer existing as separate or distinct conditions. Their theory is that a person able to combine the knowledge of different levels of reality with the buoyancy of humor could move through the world as a ‘shadow of light’. Apparently, a person living in that realm would be free of all of life’s dualities. Yahoo!

                Comment

                • Prof Willie B
                  Senior Member
                  • Dec 2000
                  • 174

                  #9
                  I just read Tom, The Bubble Guy's, post in "Who's Who". Tom's research into levity has been known to me for at least 16 years.
                  It is a well known fact that Tom's show is a unique balance of surface tension, air pressure and suffactant concentration, much of it is easily explained with Maths and Physics, BUT THE BUBBLES GO UP.
                  This is theoretically impossible, the film which contains the bubble has considerable weight, the pressure inside the bubble will equalise due to the flexiblity of the suffactant and you can explain away the hot air factor with the same argument. Why would a bubble do any thing but fall to the ground.

                  They are heavier than air but I've watched them stand up and float away.

                  The fact is that the only thing that is supporting Tom's bubbles is the levity he generates. Single handedly he has generated enough levity to defy the natural all-perfading order of gravity in layer upon layer upon layer.

                  He is living proof of the power of levity.
                  I can't help but wonder what the Kandakandero would make of him.


                  [This message has been edited by Prof Willie B (edited 01-03-2001).]

                  Comment

                  • Tom Noddy
                    New Member
                    • Dec 2000
                    • 8

                    #10
                    Whoa ... don't DO that!

                    What you have suggested seems to be the only logical explanation. Now I'm afraid that it'll be like in the cartoons where the characters can run off a cliff and be fine ... until they look down!

                    (sitting down having a smoke and ponder the reason why my bubbles get high) ... Man! Levity ... heavy concept.

                    [This message has been edited by Tom Noddy (edited 01-11-2001).]

                    Comment

                    • Prof Willie B
                      Senior Member
                      • Dec 2000
                      • 174

                      #11
                      Dare I remind every-one, again, of the dangers of gravity.

                      Comment

                      • herbie treehead
                        Member
                        • Jul 2001
                        • 30

                        #12
                        gravy really gets me down

                        Comment

                        • fracksfreakshow
                          Senior Member
                          • Sep 2001
                          • 229

                          #13
                          Say What? Maybe I've just poked my brain with a few to many nails doing the human blockhead.

                          Comment

                          • jester
                            Senior Member
                            • Dec 2000
                            • 1084

                            #14
                            Levity

                            Laughter is the purest form of prayer.

                            Could any agnostic FUNdamentalists or atheists who want to take issue with this please do so in the all new heavy thread. Thank You.

                            Comment

                            • jester
                              Senior Member
                              • Dec 2000
                              • 1084

                              #15
                              Is this theory proof that yogic flyers don't actually fly because they are taking their yoga too seriously.

                              I mean they almost do it, (although to the layman it may look suspisciously like attempting to hop using only your buttocks) but fall a little bit short.

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