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Whangarei NZ...
“Why Don’t you fuck off, you fucking clown”
“What are you doing in my town? Fuck off back to your own country”
Were the words the heavily tattooed 20 Stone Maori confronted me with as he ‘stepped up’ to me infront of 80 or so onlookers.
What was I doing there?
What was I doing in a far North New Zealand town?
Where last year Hefty Geoff a heavy weight glass walking sword swallower got a knife pulled on him ( He ate it as an entree ) and Lucky Rich got physically assaulted by a frothing Christian.
Yeah what was I doing there?
I was being paid to participate in the 2nd annual Whangarei Street Festival.
It all started with a meeting at The Grand Hotel a classic old New Zealand Tavern where you’d used to see horses tied up outside ( now because of new licensing laws they are to be found with a long neck at the bar).
There I met the crew...Kim Potter, Shamus, Mr Fungus, Jason Doc, Hefty Geoff, (and myself) and the organiser Susie.
After 20 mins it was a wrap and we all had our schedules and a ticket for one free lunch at a local establishment.
We’re to be there for 17 days, working approx 9/10 days each and whooppee we think, one free lunch.
We settle into our rooms. Now I like the Grand I have stayed there before ( and so has The Queen! ). Single bed, TV, coffee, fridge, phone and an ensuite , I had a view, the back end of the Pub.
No work ‘till tomorrow so the evening was spent in The Front Bar of the Grand , drinking jugs, shooting pool and signing autographs on behalf of Ozzy Osbourne to the Ngahti Fanu as the horses propped up the watering hole.
A walk to the mall, new trolley in tow I stand in an empty void either side of which sit Human Statues Koula Kouluris and Dave Sheridan ( Queen Vic & Capt Cook), the few pigeons and teenage skaters didn’t entice me either so off to meet the crew at the coffee shop.
“Come down here and do a show” Susie said as she led me down an empty blocked off road.
As I stood in the entrance of an old closed post office explaining to her that I can only attract people if they can see me and running through the theries of sight lines, it started to rain.
Another shot of expresso and a walk up the road to see Kim in the rain banging one out. The people all sheltered under shop verandas looked on appaulding.
He’d set a precedent, we all worked in and out of the raindrops.
I had my sunglasses nicked but collected enough to end up participating in our evening feast at the all you can eat Golden Dragon Chinese.
Waddled home, waddled into bed, did a big fart and went to sleep.
It rained a lot the next few days and the people were few and far between
The schedule was difficult , there was overlapping and bad time management e.g. 9am Sun morning!! ...People are still exiting the bars !!
Susie was avoiding us so we had to make our own fun up in this cowboy country.
Beer and Poker was executed one such evening 5 of us squished in my 1 step by 3 step room Jason took the Punches but delivered a beautiful Judy in the last stages to walk off the winner.
In a bar called Danger Danger I was told to take off my hat “ No hats allowed” the barman said,
I took the beers and noticed that they had a mechendising booth selling caps !
A guitar and a bottle of Rum filled another evening we sang, howled and laughed like goats into the night.
Richard Handley has joined the cast as LAPD.
Friday siesta was broken by the sound of my ‘phone...
“Nick, Stu here”.. Now Stu is the agent for us at this event and also a friend .
He went on to explain that my 20 Stone aggressor had filed a complaint to the police about me...about spitting on his child.
Now reader, just to make things clear, I did not spit I just made the hoooiek sound and got the laugh for the ‘intention’....you know the gag...
Meet up with Kim and Jason both of who saw the said incident and off to the cop shop we tottered.
“Yes a phone call but no formal complaint “ said the uniform behind the glass.
A call to Susie did no good without getting a word in edgeways I sufferred a torrent of words, paragraphs, punctuation's and exclamations then was told I was fired!
Myself, KIm and Jason take a trip to see Chris the head man.
We all sat down and both sides of the tale were told,
I found out that the man was 2nd Dan Karate and very prolific in the Northland security business. He had complained, they took his side and therefore I was sacked....
They found out that I was a magician not a ‘clown’ and that a hooiek is not always a spit, a diplomatic arrangement was made and I now sit in Auckland waiting for the rain to stop so I can launch my boat...
“What are you doing in my town? Fuck off back to your own country”
Were the words the heavily tattooed 20 Stone Maori confronted me with as he ‘stepped up’ to me infront of 80 or so onlookers.
What was I doing there?
What was I doing in a far North New Zealand town?
Where last year Hefty Geoff a heavy weight glass walking sword swallower got a knife pulled on him ( He ate it as an entree ) and Lucky Rich got physically assaulted by a frothing Christian.
Yeah what was I doing there?
I was being paid to participate in the 2nd annual Whangarei Street Festival.
It all started with a meeting at The Grand Hotel a classic old New Zealand Tavern where you’d used to see horses tied up outside ( now because of new licensing laws they are to be found with a long neck at the bar).
There I met the crew...Kim Potter, Shamus, Mr Fungus, Jason Doc, Hefty Geoff, (and myself) and the organiser Susie.
After 20 mins it was a wrap and we all had our schedules and a ticket for one free lunch at a local establishment.
We’re to be there for 17 days, working approx 9/10 days each and whooppee we think, one free lunch.
We settle into our rooms. Now I like the Grand I have stayed there before ( and so has The Queen! ). Single bed, TV, coffee, fridge, phone and an ensuite , I had a view, the back end of the Pub.
No work ‘till tomorrow so the evening was spent in The Front Bar of the Grand , drinking jugs, shooting pool and signing autographs on behalf of Ozzy Osbourne to the Ngahti Fanu as the horses propped up the watering hole.
A walk to the mall, new trolley in tow I stand in an empty void either side of which sit Human Statues Koula Kouluris and Dave Sheridan ( Queen Vic & Capt Cook), the few pigeons and teenage skaters didn’t entice me either so off to meet the crew at the coffee shop.
“Come down here and do a show” Susie said as she led me down an empty blocked off road.
As I stood in the entrance of an old closed post office explaining to her that I can only attract people if they can see me and running through the theries of sight lines, it started to rain.
Another shot of expresso and a walk up the road to see Kim in the rain banging one out. The people all sheltered under shop verandas looked on appaulding.
He’d set a precedent, we all worked in and out of the raindrops.
I had my sunglasses nicked but collected enough to end up participating in our evening feast at the all you can eat Golden Dragon Chinese.
Waddled home, waddled into bed, did a big fart and went to sleep.
It rained a lot the next few days and the people were few and far between
The schedule was difficult , there was overlapping and bad time management e.g. 9am Sun morning!! ...People are still exiting the bars !!
Susie was avoiding us so we had to make our own fun up in this cowboy country.
Beer and Poker was executed one such evening 5 of us squished in my 1 step by 3 step room Jason took the Punches but delivered a beautiful Judy in the last stages to walk off the winner.
In a bar called Danger Danger I was told to take off my hat “ No hats allowed” the barman said,
I took the beers and noticed that they had a mechendising booth selling caps !
A guitar and a bottle of Rum filled another evening we sang, howled and laughed like goats into the night.
Richard Handley has joined the cast as LAPD.
Friday siesta was broken by the sound of my ‘phone...
“Nick, Stu here”.. Now Stu is the agent for us at this event and also a friend .
He went on to explain that my 20 Stone aggressor had filed a complaint to the police about me...about spitting on his child.
Now reader, just to make things clear, I did not spit I just made the hoooiek sound and got the laugh for the ‘intention’....you know the gag...
Meet up with Kim and Jason both of who saw the said incident and off to the cop shop we tottered.
“Yes a phone call but no formal complaint “ said the uniform behind the glass.
A call to Susie did no good without getting a word in edgeways I sufferred a torrent of words, paragraphs, punctuation's and exclamations then was told I was fired!
Myself, KIm and Jason take a trip to see Chris the head man.
We all sat down and both sides of the tale were told,
I found out that the man was 2nd Dan Karate and very prolific in the Northland security business. He had complained, they took his side and therefore I was sacked....
They found out that I was a magician not a ‘clown’ and that a hooiek is not always a spit, a diplomatic arrangement was made and I now sit in Auckland waiting for the rain to stop so I can launch my boat...
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