Convincing the wife...

[martin ewen]

Imagine how crazy you'd have to be to take a 6 month contract on a cruise ship.

Or how crazy you'd be afterwards. People enter those contracts and never come out for 20 years and when they do emerge they are covered in cheese that can never be removed.

[jugglery]

Convincing the wife....

Well, first of all, you have to stop calling her "The wife"!

[Daniel Mooncalf]

Thank you very much for all the feedback, especially Isabella! Wow, you should write a book about... smart stuff.


After some discussion, it seems that she's finally supportive of travel, with a trial spring break mini vacation/busking trip to Vegas.

[Kate Awesome]

Good to hear, Daniel!

Just remember tho: it's kinda like being in an "open relationship" in that it will be a LONG journey for her to become truly comfortable with it, if she has a lot of initial insecurities. She's not *entirely* supportive of travel until you do it a lot and she demonstrates that support throughtout.

You both need to continue to communicate, communicate communicate through this process and don't think for a minute you're "safe" from the insecurities blowing up again.

Best of luck to you!

[Isabella]

Thanks, Daniel, that's one of the best compliments I've ever gotten

[Minnie Maniac]

both sides?

Wow Alison, wow. And Lee - sounds like a great, well thought out arrangement. I can kind of speak from both sides of the spectrum. After about ten years of performing, traveling and living with my husband, I decided to quit performing and went to university. In my first year, I still went on tour in my weekends and holidays. Then in my 2nd year I did only one busking festival and nothing in my 3rd. During my 3rd year studying, my ex was away a lot - 6 months in total, in 1 and 2 month stints.

I became an obsessed and focused student. We didn't think we really needed to talk that much while he was away as we had been together so long, we really just spoke when we had some business or something to discuss. BAD IDEA! Communication is everything, I learnt - but not till after. I filled my life up with activities and people while he was away (I missed him) and when he was back I was busier that he was used to. I'm not saying we didn't have other problems but the distance and the lack of just touching base, checking in and calling just to say "how are you" sure didn't help (I think that would have made a huge difference). We grew apart, or some other such cliche.

We separated immediately after I finished my degree, and after a few months of grieving and taking stock, I hit the road and started performing again....! Now I travel for 4 - 7 months a year and I'm wondering how the hell I will ever find anyone who can fit in with my life? And no, I'm not using my science degree but I don't regret getting it for a second. Life's way to short to not figure out who you are, what you like and to just do it.

[Minnie Maniac]

best thread

Oh and by the way, best thread ever!

[martin ewen]

so...in other words, you're available?

[Minnie Maniac]

Yes! Call me.

[Minnie Maniac]

Hahaha. Kidding. The bar is set REAL high. Think outer space. I kinda like not having to consult with anyone on what my next move is for now and I'd rather be single than enter into a relationship that isn't awesome.

[RiffRaff]

The bar is set REAL high.

Have you seen Martin's legs?
I bet he can vault the highest bar.

[martin ewen]

well I do like a woman who seems to know her own mind,...then quickly changes it. [looks at time-stamps], three minutes later.

Outer space huh? Well it just so happens that yes I can breath in a vacuum.

Yet sadly I'd rather remember us in that beautiful three minutes where your outlandishly high expectations didn't impact on my self esteem issues like a bullet-train hitting a ripe melon dropped from a bridge.

Given our common NZ background all I can really offer is that I would never correct your pronunciation. I know it's not much but there it is.

Frankly it would seem I'm out of your near perfect psycho-sociological price range.

I'm more what you would call a fixer upper. I'm doing a lot of internal panelbeating at the moment.

See I'm feeling a lot of pressure already in our relationship. I think we should slow down a little.

[Minnie Maniac]

Actually I wrote the second post first then put the first one just to tease you. But I could only stand it for 3 minutes. Best not to give false hope - not that there’s anything wrong with you Martin, I don’t know you.

I should know better than to be totally upfront and honest on pnet. Better remember to cloak my deepest feelings and desires in humour and sarcastic barbs, like I used to do...

I’m not seeking perfection but I know what I need. Sadly, I’m not into fixing others but I do have huge respect for people that are doing their own panel beating. We all need to do our own but it’s often interactions with others that show us where the dents are. We all have them and the worst thing is when people don’t even inspect them. Some of those shiny looking new cars have a completely rusted chassis. I would never buy a brand new, shiny car.

[Irina]

This is a very interesting thread! I spend 5-7 mo a year on the road (New Orleans sucks in summer/early fall) - and I meet tonns of 'modern day gypsies" - not just buskers, but festival/parade vendors, artists, touring musicians, carnies, hippies etc etc They either travel with their spouses/mates (usually on a bus/RV) or they are single and in "long-distance relationships" or 'having a sister in every port"...I do not believe it is possible to have a stable relationship if you are on the road a lot - may be wives of famous musicians/althlets tolerate being a "straw widow" because of money/prestige, but an attractive female will eventually find somebody else nearby to support her emotional/sexual/financial needs. If you can make good money on a local pitch and travel occasionally to well-paid gigs and come home with presents and tonns of cash - this is one thing, but going on the road and leaving your wife behind for months will break your marriage sooner or later, even if you manage to persuade her - with or without hypnotism.

[davidkaye]

Here is what it came down to for me. People are the most important thing on earth. The relationships I have with my family and friends are far more important to me than anything else this includes money, things and experiences.

In the end, all we have is relationships. Everything else can come and go, but the relationships we have with people are what we cherish the most. I mean, isn't that one reason why we perform?

This is a tough situation. I've never faced it myself, but my first instinct says that when one person wants to take to the road performing and the other doesn't, that's pretty much an irreconcilable difference, and a very important difference, too.

Incorporating her into the act or getting her involved in some function that allows both to travel would seem to be the best remedy, assuming that's possible.