"FREE BEER"

[Doctor Eric]

Here's my new favorite twist on the hack gay joke:

"Peter, stand up straight, this is San Francisco

I know they beat 'em up where you're from, but here, some of them are real big, they're dressed like they're going to go ride a horse, but they don't actually have one.

Don't wind up as someone's pony."


heh, "lumber jockey"

[jesus]

I have heard this twist on the "I dont come into McDonalds and tell you how to do your job" line a few times:

'Hey I dont jump on the bed when yours wifes working"

[Stephon]

Originally posted by Doctor Eric
"Parents, your kids are smart enough not to try it at home, and if their not, it's what you call 'attrition'"

Eric (you might wanna sit down for this),
It seems we think alike; I have a very similar joke I use during my blockhead routine, only it involves "evolution" aka "the will of God".

[Doctor Eric]

Originally posted by Doctor Eric
"Parents, your kids are smart enough not to try it at home, and if their not, it's what you call 'attrition'"

I forgot the tag-

"Trust me, it's better for the rest of us once they learn how to drive."

[jesus]

Lets not forget...

The general over use of the words "Danger" & "Death" especially when combined with the seemingly innocuous word "of" and then used to name an otherwise forgettable trick.
Such as...
"The soggy saltine juggle of death!"
For those not in the know these are often followed by the forced crowd response of "ooh" or "aah". And in rare circumstances the combination of both.

[Aaron Gregg]

When I feel lazy and the crowd build is tough I pull out the old:

"but sir, you stopped last night with the other lady."

Of course it gets a great response and makes it so hard for me to struggle coming up with my own material. Many stock lines (like jumping and adding 2 balls to the juggle) are corny but the one above works wonders. When I break down and use something stock it really makes me feel stupid working on new stuff - but hell, that's why I do this for a living.

To Jim: A couple times a year I used to use the "what has little balls and hangs down..." but now that I carry a chainsaw I use "oh shoot, I better make sure the saw works - VROOM, VROOM." Now that I have a stock prop I've got original material, go figure.

-Aaron

[Lee Nelson]

can someone tell some of the more stupid ones of us the tag to .....

what has little balls and hangs down??

its almost killing me not knowing a stock line, for the life of me i cant work out the answer even though it seems like it should be so obvious
put me out of my misery!!

heres a couple i really like and constantly use variations of

imagine a place without comedy??
Germany/Zimbabwe/Iraq/Nth Korea/National Place of Government etc

use your feet and your body will follow always comes in handy


lee

[Niels Duinker]

what has little balls and hangs down??

No, a bat
What his big balls and hangs up?

The silly people at the street theatre DVD

[Aaron Gregg]

You say "What has big balls and hangs up." Then hang up their cel phone. What's amazing is people will always give the performer their phone. It's weird how hard it can be to get people to stop and watch but once they're watching - "oh you want my phone, okay."

I feel really stupid when I watch an act along with another performer and I say "Damn, that's a good line" and my buddy says "You've never heard that before? How long have you been doing this?"

-Aaron

[Lee Nelson]

cheers aaron
thats exactly how i felt
stupid and ignorant or this fantastic plagiaristic culture of ours......

[Scot Free]

Originally posted by daisy and derek


imagine a place without comedy??
Germany/Zimbabwe/Iraq/Nth Korea/National Place of Government etc
lee

one time i saw a performer in sydney try to use

"where would we be without comedy?"

and before he could get the nationalistic tag line out
someone yelled....

"watching this show!"

[Scot Free]

Originally posted by daisy and derek


imagine a place without comedy??
Germany/Zimbabwe/Iraq/Nth Korea/National Place of Government etc
lee

one time i saw a performer in sydney try to use

"where would we be without comedy?"

and before he could get the nationalistic tag line out
someone yelled....

"watching this show!"

[GlassHarper]

Useful Lines

To someone asking where to put a tip, in the tip glass on my instrument or in the bucket on the ground with the flashing red light in it: "There are two tip buckets, sir, no waiting."

To the lurker with camera on the outer edge of my circle: "Mam, you'll get much better pictures if you're over here closer.......to the tip bucket!"

To someone who insists on asking stupid questions while I'm in the middle of a routine I'll ingnore him until I finish and say, "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't mean to interrupt you.....what was your question?"

To the woman who is very tentative in trying to make a glass ring: "Make your stroke a little longer, mam, as your husband might in the shower...."

(that may be the only original one.... when it gets a its a good one. When it gets a I quickly segue to the next routine!)

[imelven]

stock line

if you can't afford to throw a few dollars in the hat...your laughs and smiles are (pause) great...

[Hunter]

fire-eaters referencing fellatio