Performers with kids.

[Frisbee]

Hey gang,

I thought of posting this a while back and never got around to it, because, well...I have a kid.

Here are a few topics for discussion.

-How many performers here have kids?

-How many performers here have kids
under 5?

-How do you deal with the pressures of performing as well as parenting?

-also touring your show?

-Does your performing affect/influence your parenting style?

-Does your being a parent of a young child affect your performances and/or prevent you from certain job opportunities?

I have personally found that the first year was the toughest, trying to find that balance, but I feel that I have learned a lot and it has improved my professional life as well as the obvious greatness of personal growth.

I feel that I am now back in the swing of things and my job of performing is back up to where it should be.

What are your thoughts and insights?

-Frisbee

[pablo]

Performing vs. parenting

My family is my most reliable inspiration & resource, but they are also my biggest & most constant hurdle. If I was single & childless, I could tour more colleges, festivals & other events and have less obligations & expenses at home. But I'd probably be lonely, alcoholic, broke, in jail or bored most of the time.

It's one of those yin/yang situations. I wouldn't want it any other way.

[jester]

It is a cruel Irony that if I didn't want to be with my kids, I could earn a lot more money, however, as I have kids I need a lot more money....

It's not really that bad.

When we had our 2nd, my wife insisted that I share the parenting so she could go back to work part time. She got herself a nice job which is important to all of us and she pulls in a fair whack of the household income.

So for 3 days a week, I was the parent. I would reccommend it to anybody. It is bloody hard work, but very very rewarding.

The downside of my work is that I work a lot during the kids holidays. The Upside is that I work in a lot of fun places and my kids can often come along and get free entry into all sorts of places. Taking my kids to work is often possible now that my daughter is 9 and my son is 4. As long as another adult comes along specificly to look after them because I can't look after them and work.

When my son was pre-school I would tell clients I could do a gig but I had to bring my son. Many of them offered childcare if I bought him, they just wanted me there. In return I would give them a generous discount.

Kids are a lifestyle choice and there are lots of gigs that I used to find fun that I would not dream of doing now because of my kids.

There are many jobs I would have screwed my nose up at but I do now because it is good for the kids.

Kids are expensive. Since I had kids I have become a lot more proffessional and moved my game up several gears. I found to my delight this actually enhanced the artistic urge rather than compromise it.

It does get easier as they get older. And only by having children could I have ever learned that the universe does not actually revolve around me.

[firegirl]

you know, fris... i was just thinking the other day about how i don't think i could persue the things i spend my personal life persuing if i had children. i would find somewhere - settle down and teach... stop doing things which are potentially life threatening, etc... and, i'd more than likely end up being bitter and resentful because of it.

props to you all who have learned how to balance artistic persuits with family...

i have always found interpersonal relationships with individuals outside of the theatre/variety arts field most difficult - as most people are *very* impatient with my wacky life and schedule...

my niece was particularly angry with me this xmas when i was comitted to a show which cut my visit home for the holidays from the normal 2 weeks to a whirlwind 2 days...

my most recent ex (yes, we are no more) who is a writer/social worker never understood the nature of theatre employment (it's seasonal - you have to keep looking for work ALL the time - you're often unemployed and broke) and would get frustrated with me when one job would end and (occasionally) i wouldn't have another lined up to start right away...

my mother doesn't understand how i can have a masters degree, make "blah-blah" amount of money a year and still be broke as a joke... as i put much of the $$ i make back into furthering my career...

i just cannot IMAGINE adding a child on top of that.

not to mention being as good a parent as you are, fris...
k

[Frisbee]

Fries

The one thing I think I have most definately learned so far on this road is that we all have limits.
I have a tendency to not see those limits until I push myself too hard and it all almost comes crashing down.

That two month project was a lot for me and honestly, I barely escaped in one piece.
By working every waking moment either doing office work for performances or performances or my directing duties or my own show, I sacrificed my family time and I almost lost it all.
even when I had down time I was playing catch up on business things I had neglected.

I am glad that we all made it thru alive and can tell the stories. ;o)

-Frisbee

[firegirl]

LIMITS? AND, HOW!

That was the one thing I commented on to my friend Martin after we left the tapas resturant after the last show... that we all looked like a battillion of combat weary soliders...

I know I was EXHAUSTED (and, am still recovering) after that project... though, in the end it was worth it - I think.

Goodness knows, it was worth it just so I could meet you, Fris... heh! That really was an odd coincidence!

That and I now have a new favorite holiday song... and, know people as obsessed with both the Muppets and Avenue Q as I am... and, have a dysfunctional attraction to animating objects at inappropriate moments... paperclips recently have been coming to life in the middle of staff meetings and trying to seduce stalwart, responsible pens into leading lives of mischief... !!

Hey - some Monday when you're free you should check out our improv jam at the Climate... it's quite fun.

K

[jester]

I did not think a kid could possibly fit into the equation. But she did.

She was two when I met Carol. We had to pretend that I was just some bloke who came to play with her once in a while to begin with, just so she wouldn't get too attached.

However, I got attached to Alex at the same time as getting attached to Carol. They were a pair, there wasn't one without the other and I loved them both dearly.

And they needed looking after. They did not have as much as they needed or deserved. It was only natural that instead of blowing my money on beer, fags, toys, I was investing it in them or my business.

Fortunately, I had just actually gotten quite good at holding a crowd and business was booming.

Having a child made me far less stupid in my real life.

Alex is now 9, Keegan is 4 and I don't miss the trips to Holland and across the channell. I don't miss the jobs one does for the travel rather than the money. I don't feel guilty about charging decent fees and I view discounts as shortchanging my family and if anybody ever lies to me in order to get a discount I view it as stealing from my family and I tell them so.

The companionship of children is amazing (and firegirl you are obviously fond of your neice so you know what I mean) and the love of your children is utterly utterly selfless.

Of course, we had to get a bigger house, just as property prices were peaking so now I have a massive mortgage but I do not regret it one little bit.

Everyday I wake up in our three bedroom semi detached house, a palace compared to the old place, and I feel bloody marvellous that I have a house and kids and a wife and everything I could ever want...

Of course I'm human and I want more... but I don't regret or begrudge anything I miss for my kids.

[firegirl]

i'm very fond of both my nieces. one of whom lived with me for a while (but, she was 12 at the time - so it wasn't as rough as having a small child/infant around.)

i also work with kids... (teaching arts outreach) some of whom i've become attached to in a maternal way.

there was one kid in milwaukee, wi who *BEGGED* me to adopt him and bring him with me to san francisco when i moved...

those kids inspire me and at the same time my heart breaks for them.

i'm very family oriented - i'm irish (1st generation american) & come from a huge family. i (along with my twin) am the oldest of our generation... and, oddly enough i am the only one who has no children (except my youngest brother.)

anyhow.

[GlassHarper]

Kids of Street Performers

The worst stage of a child's life is....the present!

Thank goodness both of my sons are adults now. When I see or telephone them (one's in Alaska, the other's in Central New York State) it is a delight to be able to have an adult conversation. We didn't talk much when they were teen agers -- shoot I didn't like teen agers when I WAS one! Both they and I would probably have been better off if I had been a performer back in those days.

But Nooo!

I was selling computers in those days, which required twelve to fourteen hours of work a day, leaving little time for family. Indeed it was my dislike of working that hard that convinced me to become a street performer (that and my former wife telling me to get the H... out of her life)!

Fortunately neither of them has chosen to follow the family business. One is a ski instructor and barrista in Girdwood, AK, while the other is a landscaper/hardscaper near Ithaca, NY.

Enjoy being with your kids while you can -- they (and you) grow up all too quickly.

[Stephon]

Most of what I have to offer on the topic has already been said, but there are a couple things you asked about that I don't think have been covered:

-How do you deal with the pressures of performing as well as parenting?

I find they actually compliment each other. Sometimes performing is a nice relief from the pressure of being a parent. Sometimes, if work is slow, or I'm questioning myself, that pressure is reduced by spending time with my son, and the satisfaction of being a good parent.

-Does your performing affect/influence your parenting style?

I'm not sure it does directly, but being in performing environments gives my son a chance to be exposed to some things many other kids aren't.

-Does your being a parent of a young child affect your performances. . .

Not sure if this is exactly what you mean, but, yes, to some extent; there are very minor content things that I have changed because I have a new perspective from which to work, but nothing major. I think you summed it up best when you talked about personal growth. It's odd though--I can't really remember how my life was different five years ago. Seems like this is how it's always been.

. . .and/or prevent you from certain job opportunities?

Absolutely. I've turned down several jobs because I don't want my wife, who works full time, to have to be a single mother for six weeks, and because I don't like to be apart from them for that long.

[Cybele]

Having kids killed my career for about four years, then I started working them into the act.

Except for squeezing them in the travel trunk--- they keep growing, damn them--- it's been working out nicely.

[Steven Ragatz]

Having a family has grounded me in a 9-5 job for the past five years. It is a matter of priorities that determine whether or not a stable income and regular schedule outweigh the manic highs and lows of performing full time. Everyone has to find their own balance.

Steven Ragatz

[firegirl]

COMPLETELY O/T

hey steven!
i just saw a pic of you w/a review of the pickle circus's latest production... i didn't know you were involved!

and, you were right re: chris lashua... amazing!

[jester]

Hey Steven.

I know several performers who have day jobs as well. If you have other gifts and you can command a decent steady wage, then I say more power to you. You can perform as well which you obviously do.

The people with the Day jobs perform brilliantly but just less often than I do. They are often fresher and enjoy it more. I personally do not know how I would earn enough with a day job as I cannot see how I am employable.. and I used to work in the Jobcentre (!?)

So because I have kids and a mortgage, I am not gifted enough to have a day job.

[Steven Ragatz]

fg: "i just saw a pic of you w/a review of the pickle circus's latest production... i didn't know you were involved!"

I posted about the show before we went up to try to get some p.net folk to turn out, but I guess you missed that post. Fritz Grobe and I did several acts in the show and we were in the Bay area for two and a half months (most of which was spent in rehearsals).

I did bring my family to that one - no reason to have to be away for so long at a stretch and not have them with me. Lisa did wardrobe for the show, but the kids only visited the site twice. Backstage in a theater is not a safe place for extra people (especially children) to hang out. Additionally, since the house was union, there were other issues that needed to be observed.

Steven Ragatz